The Young Troubled
by Guesswhat
Summary: What if you lose touch for a long time and then find out you work at the same hospital? It's Abby and it's Carter, getting used to each other once more. This is part 1 of the epilogue.
1. Abby Wyczenski

_**A/N:**__ For those of you who aren't into this story yet, I decided to rewrite the first chapter. And yes, I know that this is a high school fic and I know it's the worse kind. But mine actually works, I think. It's not just a corny love story in my opinion, it's more than that. It's been a popular story for over three years now, so please just give it a chance. __ I hope you like it and will read through the rest of the story. Whatever you do, please leave a review! _  
_**Disclaimer:**_ They're mine, they're mine... no. Not yet.  
**Warning:** I'm not a native English speaker, I'm Dutch. (Seriously.)  


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**The Young Troubled**

_Chapter 1 - Abby __Wyczenski_

_------_

**------ Biological class - 10:00 **

With no doubt, I am the richest boy at school. I'm popular because I direct in the school theatre and because of the house I live in. Lots of girls want my attention, but the majority is simple and naïve and just hope to be invited to my house. So, at school I had nothing to worry about. But at home, everything had changed since last year. Bobby, my older brother, had died from leukemia. It screwed up the relationship of my parents, and money won't be able to fix it. Dad disappeared to England for business, and mom had turned into a cold stone. When Bobby died, the school was in shock, but after a month or two, things were getting back to normal. But not at home. I'd been avoiding home more and more and would visit Gamma as often as I could.

I avert my gaze from the window to Watkins, my biology teacher, and try to pay attention for what he's saying.

"Where's Abby people? I haven't seen her in class for the last four days. Does anyone know if there's something going on?"

"She's sick," tells one of the girls behind me.

"For four days?"

"She has the flu. I called her yesterday."

"Okay, but she does need a partner for the upcoming project. Carter, what about your partner?"

"A partner…?" I asked confused. What partner?

"A partner for the upcoming _project_. A presentation about DNA and RNA, that's your subject, remember?"

"Oh, yeah, ah… No, I haven't found a partner yet."

"Good, than you go with Abby Wyczenski. As you might have missed during your _day dream_, she is sick, so you might give her a call to arrange things. Your presentation is in two weeks."

"Okay," I nod and write her name, as far as I know how to spell it correctly, down on a piece of paper.

"And you might give her the excercises for Friday as well."

"I don't know where she lives…" I mumble and turn around to face Jackie, the girl who called her four days ago.

"I'll do it," she says and smiles at me.

"I think John is the right person to do it, they need to talk about their presentation anyway," Mr. Watkins answers and at me.

I sigh and get up to get the stencils from Watkins's desk. Who is this girl?

**------ Abby's place - 15:00  
**

I keep trying to remember Abby Wyczenski, but I really don't know who she is... Maybe it's that girl who's never in class, that's the only one I can think of. This should be it...

I'm standing in front of a not too big, not too small house. A little nervous I ring the doorbell and play with the stencils in my hand.

No one answers. Not wanting to be rude, I wait. Still nothing.

I ring again and suddenly think to see the face of a girl behind the window on the left, but it's gone before I even can look.  
So she's home, but not planning to open the door? Nice...  
A little pissed I turn around and head to their mailbox, but for some reason it's closed with duck tape.

"I'll take it," I suddenly hear the voice of a young boy behind me, playing with a basketball.

"You live here?" I ask him.

"Yeah, I'm Eric. My sister is inside."

"Is Abby your sister?"

"Yeah. Aren't you a Carter?"

"I'm sorry, yes, I'm John Carter."

"Nice tie," he smirks and observes my clothing.

"Yeah, well, will you give this to her? It's for school."

"Why don't you give it to her?"

"Because she doesn't open the door for me." I smile uncomfortable and look at the house.

He laughs and throws the basketball to me. Due to the stencils in my hand I miss it.

"Nice," he smirks.

"Sorry," I mumble and take another look at the mailbox. "So why is this thing taped?"

He shrugs and looks to the ground. "My mother did that..."

His mother? "Oh..." I answer.

"So, you're rich right?" Eric asks when he runs after the ball.

"My grandparents have some money, yes."

"I heard that you guys are millionaires."

Millionaires? If _that_'s the gossip than I'll be okay. Good that they don't know how much it actually is.

He throws the ball again and this time I catch, and with a triumphantic look on my face I score in the net on the wall behind him.

"Yeah yeah, guess you can do everything."

"Is eh, Abby sick?"

"Why?"

"She hasn't been in class for a while, Jackie told me that she's sick."

"Then she's sick." It looks like he wants to avoid any other questions.

"I guess..."

* * *

God, I hope he won't ask anything else. Eric always manages to screw things up. I need to get him inside, I don't want that Carter to know what's going on here. Luckily they both didn't notice that I opened the frontdoor a little so I'm now able to see and hear what they're doing. What stencils are that anyway?

"But will you give this to Abby?" Carter asks him.

"Why? She's standing right there," Eric smirks and points at me.

Oh fuck. Screw you Eric! I show him my middlefinger but realize that it's too late.

"Abby...?" I see Carter taking some steps towards me. He still can't see anything else than my eyes.

"Yeah Abby, open up!" Eric shouts nagging and throws the ball against the door what makes it fly open. Great, here I am.

* * *

Stunned I look at the fragile girl in the doorway. Her brown eyes give Eric a furious look but as soon as I look at her she stares away. So that's Abby...  
Long brown hair, loose around her shoulders. Big black sweater and light blue jeans. She doesn't look really sick to me. She's actually quite pretty.

"Hi," I start and walk up to her.

"Hi," she answers and pulls her hair behind her ear.

"I'm John Carter, we're in Biology class together."

"I'm eh, Abby," she stutters and shakes my hand loosely.

"I heard that you're sick, and Mr. Watkins decided that we're eh, partners for the presentations."

"Presentations?" Two big shocked eyes look at me.

"Well, yeah... About eh, DNA and RNA. Watkins gave us that subject."

"Right...," she mutters and takes the stencils out of my hand.

"That's for Friday," I tell her and look at her while she observes the excersises. She really is beautiful, different than the other girls at school.

"Okay," is all she says and looks at Eric. "I'm sorry that he bothered you... He's young."

"No, it's okay." I smile and try to see the inside of the house, knowing that she won't let me in. "So, will you be at school Friday?"

"I'm not sure, I'm not feeling eh... I'm not feeling so well," she answers shyly and coughs a very fake cough.

"Oh, that sounds pretty bad," I try to sound serious but she smiles.

"I'm not really sick, I just need to... get some things straight," she blushes and scratches her head.

"Oh, that's fine too."

"Just don't tell anyone." She sounds nervous, scared almost.

"I won't."

"Okay, bye then," and then she almost closes the door.

"Wait! Don't we need to set a date to prepare the presentation?!" I ask but I'm already too late. I look around the neighbourhood but Eric is gone as well.  
Never mind, I'm going home.

* * *

I peek through the window and see him walking away. That wasn't so nice of me, but I just don't want anyone in here. I turn around to the living room. It's a mess. I put the stencils down on the table and start cleaning up, thinking about how I'm going to handle it this time. Because it used to be a combination that worked. I had friends at school, but never took them home. But after a year or two, my friends began to ask questions. Boys wanted to bring me home, girls wanted to see my room, and so on. At the time things were going horribly wrong with my mother. She was off her medication and tried to kill herself more often than not. I started to skip school to take care of Eric and slowly began to lose my friends. I didn't care.

Eric is my little brother. His friends neither visit our house. I always tell them to go to the park or play on the streets. He always does, because he knows that his mother wouldn't be able to handle it. Actually, our 'mother' wasn't able to handle anything. She'd been bipolar since I can remember and that was the reason for nothing to work out the way it should at home.

If she gets off her medication, and she is more often off it than taking it, she'll do all kinds of screwed up stuff. She'll get drunk, try to kill herself, yell at us or chase ut with knives… It's pretty messed up. One day she tried to burn the house down but a neighbour was able to prevent it. And if things are really getting out of control, she just disappears. Sometimes with a guy, sometimes without, I don't know, and to be honest, I stopped caring. When she's gone, it's just me and Eric. And it's like that most of the time.

**------ ****John's place - 19:00**

"So, why did you come home late after school?" Mom asks as soon I sit down at the dinner table.

"I had to bring stencils to a girl from biology class," I answer without looking at her and pour in a glass of water.

"Really? What's her name?"

"Abby..." I reply. "Abby Wyczenski."

"Wyczenski?" Mom asks surprised and gives me a shocked look.

"Yes mom, why?" I answer irritated.

"Nothing, nothing," She shakes her head and puts her serviette on her lap.

"Come on mom," I say. "Are they what, not rich enough?"

"I'm not saying that. Is she Maggie Wyczenski's daughter?"

"Don't know, could be."

"Was her mother home?"

"No," I answer impatient. It's always like this when I meet someone new.

"Was there anything...strange?" The look in her eyes has changed from shocked to worried.

"Well, the mailbox was taped, but it looked old. Broken maybe, I don't know," I mumble.

"Unbelievable, I need to call Miranda." Oh God, of course. Miranda lives in our street and plays tennis with my mom. They discuss everything together and when Miranda's around, they always gossip.

"So you can gossip about her mother?" I ask annoyed.

"We don't _gossip_, we discuss the neighbourhood."

"Whatever," I mumble and put some potatoes on my plate.

"John, they arrested her because she was making _such_ a scene out there, truly unbelievable; screaming and scratching the security because she had no money to pay her wodka, never seen something so impertinent."

Here we go. "How do you know that's Abby's mother?" I ask reluctantly and move on to the vegetables. "That's how gossips start around here. You just keep making things bigger and bigger until it becomes a whole new story."

"John, I'm pretty sure it was her. That family… Well, it's not good for you." She looks disgusted really.

"Mom! PLEASE! Come on! Abby didn't do anything wrong. Watkins asked me to work with her, so what that her mother got arrested. It wasn't Abby. Can we just please have dinner now?" I'm starting to get really agitated.

Mom's quiet for a moment. "John, I'm just trying to protect you."

"I don't NEED your protection!" I suddenly burst out and get up. I hate it when she does this.

"Sit down John."

I sigh. "Mom. Stop this. Stop this OK?"

Mom just stares at her plate and waits for me to sit down. Reluctantly I do and begin to eat in silence. Well, as long as mom around, we won't be able to prepare our presentation in here, I think. And honestly, what mom just told me does scare me a little bit. If that's really Abby's mother, would she be in jail? Would that be the reason that Abby wasn't at school? I tell myself not to worry about that too much. We have plenty of time to prepare and I'm not even sure that woman is Abby's mother. And if she's still not at school by the end of the week, I'll go there again.

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**Thanks for reading.**

_(Preview for next chapter: The end of the week approaches and Abby is still 'sick,' what will happen when our dearest Carter is polite enough to go there again?)_

**Please let me know what you think, I really appreciate it. Thank you.**


	2. Cheese Pancakes

**_A/N:_**_ New story. Again. I know. Don't blame me, blame my mind, the boring hours I make at school. That's were this whole new plot started.  
Imagine this: Carter and Abby, both at the same high school. She knows he's the rich one, he has no clue who she is. And then let them prepare a biology presentation together, while dealing with their personal problems.  
There you go, and enjoy!  
**Disclaimer:** They're mine, they're mine... no. Not yet.  
**Warning:** I'm not a native English speaker, I'm Dutch, I do the best I can!  
**Reviews:** Thank you for the first nine reviews, they really encouraged me! _

_

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**The Young Troubled**

_Chapter 2 – Cheese Pancakes_

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**------ Biological class – 15:00**

I must have been staring at the empty chair besides me since class started, still doubting if I should go to her place after school. It's none of my business, we only have to do a presentation together, and I don't want to be the geek who wants to start as soon as possible. But it's not the presentation. If I'd go there today, then it wouldn't be for the subject material that we need to divide. I'd go there for her.  
There's definitely something going on in that house. And I'm sure that Abby isn't the one who would tell me that. And besides, she has her own friends. I don't need to go there, do I?

Do I? I don't know.

She obviously doesn't want me there, we don't even know each other. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to get to know her. Because I do.  
I would love to know what's behind that shy smile, behind the door of the house she lives in. Behind the mask.

"Mr. Carter, is it just your body that is present or is there by any chance a possibility that we could communicate this afternoon?"

Sneering laughter fills the classroom.

"Sure, I was just…" Quickly I look over the chapter in front of me. "…thinking how eh, how the human body could be this complicated." Hopefully I look up and give him my most innocent face.

A satisfied smile appears on Watkins face. "Exactly, very fascinating isn't it?"

I nod, surprised how easy that was.

"But that doesn't mean that you don't need to answer my questions."

Oh. "No, of course not. I'm sorry."

"Good."

Letting out a deep sigh I stare at the blackboard. Chewing on my pen I try to make sense of the words in front of me, but the thought of Abby is still present.

**------ Abby's place – 20:00**

There I am, I wasn't even thinking straight when my feet led me here. No sign of Eric. No sign of Abby either. The curtains are half open, the house is dark.  
An ill at ease feeling takes over me when I walk towards the front door and peek through the small window. It seems deserted.  
I press the doorbell but feel that there's no doorbell anymore. The button is gone. Someone must have ripped it out. Her mother? I knock but don't receive any reaction.  
They're not home. So maybe mom was right. What if their mother _is_ in jail and they walked away? She seemed stubborn enough to do something like that. To just disappear.

I lean with my back against the front door with crossed arms and look over the neighborhood.

"Dear! You should go round the back!" A woman who looks in her mid sixties shouts from the other side of the street.

"Yes," she continues and walks up to me. "Their doorbell is broken, but I haven't seen them leave."

"But the lights are off."

She shrugs. "Probably didn't pay their bills. Happensall the time.You new here?"

"Ah, no. Actually, we're in class together." She observes me for a second and then looks up to me again.

"With Abigail?"

"Yes."

She nods and peeks through the window. "Maybe she's upstairs," she mumbles and turns her face to me again. "Knock again, would you?"

"It's not that important, I'll come back later."

She rolls her eyes and knocks herself. "You know what, it's good that those kids get some company."

I smile politely and step away from the door. Can't she just leave? I already decided that this isn't a good idea. And what did she mean with company? Don't they have any friends coming over?

"Okay, so she doesn't answer. The back door should be open."

"No, I don't think I should go ther-"

"I think you should. Come on."

I stay where I am, not planning to just walk in their garden. "_Come on_," she signs with her head to the house for emphasis.

I sigh and follow her. She holds the rickety door ofthe fence for me and hesitantly I walk through it.

"Help yourself!" Is the last thing she says and then she closes the door behind me. Great. Here I am, alone in the... backyard – if you can call it that – of a girl I barely even know.

I can go back. I could just turn around and go home, but now I'm here, I'm too curious to leave.  
Men, the back of this house could really needs to be restored. The backyard itself doesn't look that good either. There are more weeds than grass and it doesn't look like they spend a lot of time here.

Still feeling very uncomfortable I walk to the back door and see through the window nothing but a deserted and pretty dark kitchen.

I'm leaning with my hand on the door handle when it suddenly flies open.

"Shit!" I hear somewhere far away in the house and startled I take a step back. That was her voice. Not knowing how to respond I take another step back and scratch my head.

"Hello?" Abby again. Footsteps in the kitchen, and then her silhouette appears at the kitchen table.

And then she sees me.

She looks at me through the window for a second, straight in my eyes. I don't even blink when she walks to the door and opens it further. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... open the door."

"You're in our garden."

"Your neighbor told me so."

She rolls her eyes and ties her hair together. Her hands disappear in the pockets of her grey hooded sweater when she steps out of the house. "Why are you here?"

She asks it like she forgot about the fact that I'm standing - uninvited - in her garden.

"Because you weren't at school," I answer.

She nods and takes some steps in the garden. "Messed up here huh?"

I smile softly and look at her when she bends over and pulls some weed out. "What's this?"

I shrug and look at the green material. "...weed?"

She smirks and gets up again. "Thought the Carters know everything."

Oh, she's playing a game. The 'Let's find out about the Carter family' game. "What gave you that idea?"

She shrugs and walks back to the doorway. Just when I thought the tension was gone she asks me the same question again. "So why are you here?"

"We need to prepare our presentation." Immediately I feel stupid and extremely annoying. I shouldn't have said that. Not that I had better options.

* * *

I nod, not exactly sure if that's what I wanted to hear. "When?"

"As soon as possible I think."

"Sure."

"When will you be back at school?"

"Is Watkins making problems?" A wave of nervousness takes over me.

"No. But you're missing a lot of subject material."

"You can explain me later," I blurt out. God, why did I say that?

"I could," he nods seriously, his eyes violently staring in mine. For a moment there's some sort of electricity between us, but it disappears just as fast as it came.

"Good." I answer simply and look at the sky.

"So when will you be back?"

"I hope Monday." He needs to leave now. I need to get Eric back from the street, and I don't want him here any longer. Especially not when he's starting to ask me questions.

"You said today last time." He hits me with his voice, he sounds disappointed.

"I know. Things happened," I smile at him, reassuring that I'm doing okay.

"Oh."

"I can handle it."

"I'll be willing to help. Not only with biology." That's sweet. Damn sweet. I almost start to believe that he's more than the rich Carter, but probably he's only being polite.

I smile and stare at my bare feet. "You don't want to."

"Okay." He sounds understanding when he takes a step back towards the fence.

I nod and take a step back as well. "Monday," I say again and close the door a little, hoping that he'll get it.

"Monday," he repeats nodding and opens the door of the fence.

"Bye," and with that I close the back door behind me. I grab the lanterns on batteries that I bought to enlighten the kitchen and the living room. There's no money left, but at least there's some light.

I should get Eric back from the street; I don't want him to stay with the Martins for dinner again. He can't eat there every day. I open the refrigerator and see nothing more but beer bottles and some cheese. I feel in my pocket, one dollar. Please let Eric have some.

"ERIC!" I shout after I opened the front door. "ERIC! We're going to eat!"

No reaction. "ERIC!"

"I'm here!" I hear his voice coming from the back of the house. I walk round the back and then see him standing there. With John.

"Oh, you still here?" I ask at Carter who's leaning against the fence, talking to my little brother.

He nods and picks up Eric's ball. This sucks, I don't want Eric to talk to him so much, he may say things that I don't want John to know. Maybe he already did.

"Eric, come on, dinner," I say again.

He doesn't react and ticks the ball out of Carter's hands. "We only have cheese," he mumbles and walks towards me.

Carter observes us when Eric presses some pennies in my hand. "That's all I've got," he whispers and leans against my thigh. "I'm hungry."

"That's okay," I answer and caress his hair.

I know that Carter heard us. He looked at Eric, he saw that he handed me the few pennies, and Eric was clear enough about the cheese.

"I got chicken," I lie. Please let them believe it. Please let Carter leave.

"Really?" Eric's brown eyes, filled with hope, look up to me. False hope.

"Yeah, come on, go inside." My God, I don't want to see the disappointment in his eyes when he finds out that there isn't any chicken.

I look at Carter, who's still standing at the same spot, leaning against the fence. I should give him some sort of an explanation.

"I forgot to ask my mother money for dinner."

"Good that there's chicken then," he speaks and takes a step from the fence. I heard the careful hint of sarcasm.

He knows that I'm lying. Why can't I lie to him? I'm the best liar in the world, I can lie to Eric, to teachers, friends, but not to him. His eyes seem to lock mine, and my face can't do anything else but confess.

Luckily he doesn't say anything and kicks the ball to me. I catch.

* * *

More and more I start to believe that mom was right. Their mother isn't with them. They're alone and don't have money for a proper meal. I'm not sure if I should ask something else.

"Bye," she says and before I realize what she's doing she's walking back to the front door.

But this time I don't let her sneak away again. "What happened to your power?" I ask after I caught up with her.

She hesitates for a second. "Broken I guess," she shrugs. "My mom will let it fix."

"Maybe there's something wrong with the fuse box," I try.

"She'll let it fix," she says again and closes the door a little.

"Why don't you let me take a look at it?" Anxiously I wait for her to answer. She knows that I want to come inside, that I want her to tell me what's going on. That she can trust me.

"Because your mother needs you at home."

Just before she shuts the door I push it open with my hand again. "Not tonight." I seem to lock her eyes again and her grip on the door lets go.

"It's behind the stairs," she mumbles with a very 'if you must,' tone and opens the door for me.

* * *

I let him in. He's inside. John Carter is standing in our house. Why? Because his eyes begged me to. Because that's the only way to let him believe that we're okay here. But I know that he realizes that we're not. And the fuse box won't change that.

"There is no chicken, is there?" Eric's voice from the kitchen. Immediately Carter's face turns from the fuse box.

"No, I made a mistake," I tell him when Eric walks up to me.

"You never make mistakes." His lower lip quivers. Don't cry Eric, don't cry now. Not now.

"You know what, I think... that there is stuff for pancakes." I really think that. Oh, men, that would be great. They were there yesterday.

"I don't believe you anymore."

"The counter above the stove Eric. I mean it."

With a pissed off face he walks back to the kitchen.

"_Do_ you mean it?" John asks while his head has disappeared in the fuse box again.

"Yes," I answer.

"I found it!" Eric shouts from the kitchen and runs back to me. "Cheese pancakes! We could do that right?"

He fierily wipes away the few tears that were on his cheeks and looks hopefully in my eyes.

"We'll do that," I nod smiling and pat his shoulder. "I'll be right there."

"Hey Carter, do you want to stay?" Eric asks John very unexpected.

"Eric!" I lisp shocked.

"Well?" He asks when Carter turns his face once again. "We have cheese pancakes." He sounds proud of that.

Carter smiles at him and looks at me. Whatever, he knows everything already. And I don't need to tell him what's going on here exactly. He knows enough for now, enough to stay here. "Eric makes great pancakes," I say and wait for his reaction.

"I'd love to taste them," he says while he closes the door. His eyes never leave mine.

"Cool!" A huge smile appears on Eric's face and he runs back to the softly enlightened kitchen.

"Forget about that," I say and sign with my hand to the fuse box. "They cut our power."

He nods, not a single expression on his face while he walks with me to the kitchen where Eric is pouring milk in three glasses. The plates are already on the table.

"Don't we need that for the pancakes?" Carter asks softly behind me.

"Oh yeah… We could use mine." Eric answers like it's no problem to give away his milk and puts his glass back on the kitchen counter.

"Then you'll have mine," I tell him and grab a bowl for the mix.

"And you can have mine,""Carter's voice says just loud enough for me to hear when he opens the refrigerator for the cheese.

I smile softly, not sure if I did the right thing by inviting him. But maybe that's not what matters now, maybe it's the fact that Eric can have his cheese pancakes. I'm glad to see him this way; with his goofy grin and sparkling eyes. And if Carter is a part of his happy evening, then we'll do it this way.

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**Thanks for reading.**

_(Preview for next chapter: Continuation of this evening... That's all there is to say!)_

**Please let me know what you think, I really appreciate it. Thank you.**


	3. Ruining It

_**A/N:** New story. Again. I know. Don't blame me, blame my mind, the boring hours I make at school. That's were this whole new plot started.  
Imagine this: Carter and Abby, both at the same high school. She knows he's the rich one, he has no clue who she is. And then let them prepare a biology presentation together, while dealing with their personal problems.  
There you go, and enjoy!  
**Disclaimer:** They're mine, they're mine... nope, they're not.  
**Warning:** I'm **not a native English speaker**, I'm Dutch, I do the best I can!  
**Reviews:** Thank you for the absolutely amazing nineteen reviews!_

_Sorry for posting this chapter again! Maarten let me know that I missed some POV changes, might be confusing to read!

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**The Young Troubled**

_Chapter 3 – Ruining it_

_------_

**------ Abby's place 22:00**

"Eric, what are you _doing_!"

"Nothing! It just... I squeezed it and then..."

"Get clean pyama's, I'll clean this here."

I sit down in one of the chairs in the small dark living room while I listen to the scene that's going on upstairs. I'm here. I ate here, I talked with Eric, and most of all, with her. Not about real subjects, just about school, some teachers, pancakes...Very innocent small talk, and she showed me how good she is at avoiding questions. I really did my very best to get through to her, and she knew that. Well, maybe she'll finally talk now Eric is in bed. _Should_ be in bed.

* * *

"Abby...I don't have other ones!"

"Look again, would you."

"I already did, they're in the laundry bakset."

"Okay, take a t-shirt out of my closet."

"Which one?"

"The blue one."

"Where?"

"Eric, please. Just grab a t-shirt and come back here." Frustrated I try to get the huge amount of toothpaste out of Eric's pyama's and of the mirror. The kid splashed it all over himself and the sink.

"This one?" I hear his voice behind me and turn around.

I look in the eyes of my little brother, wearing my long blue shirt, for him more like a gown. A small smile appears on my face when he walks towards the sink and tries to scratch some toothpaste from his chin.

"It's not funny Abby,"

"You just... You look nice in my t-shirt."

He frowns at me in the mirror and then turns around. "Where's mommy?"

Silence. I feel like my heart stands still for a second before it starts beating again so I'm able to think of an answer. "She'll be home soon."

"You said that last week. Why do you always lie about that?"

"I'm sorry Eric, you'll have to wait," I say softly and kneel down on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor.

"I don't want to wait anymore," he says pouting and plays with a loose lock of my hair.

"We'll wait together, okay?" I whisper and caress his soft hair. "Come on, it's late."

"Can't I go downstairs with you?"

I shake my head smiling.

"Are you two gonna kiss?" He asks with a very, very goofy look on his face.

"No," I say calmly and lead him to his bedroom.

"Why not?" He continues his little game and climbs under his sheets.

"Because we don't love each other."

"Maybe you will after you kiss...," he says seriously and turns on his side as I sit down on his bed.

"I don't think so," I smirk and tuck him in. "I can't leave him alone there all night, you'll be okay up here?"

He nods and closes his eyes.

"Good. I'm proud of you, you made great pancakes," I whisper and kiss his forehead.

"They were good huh," he mumbles proudly and opens his eyes again.

"Delicious," I say and walk to the door.

"Will you ask John if he liked them?"

I smile. "I will. Sleep tight."

"You too," he mutters against his pillow and then I close the door of his bedroom.

I walk back to the bath room and take a look in the laundry basket. I should wash everything tomorrow, if we go on like this there will be no clothes left by Monday. And no money. In fact, we're _really_ out of money now. I'll have to wait 'til Maggie turns up again and she'll bring in some cash. But we have been waiting for two weeks now. More and more I begin to wonder _if_ she'll come back this time. And I'm fearing the worst.

When I finally managed to get the worst stains from Eric's pyamatop, I take a look at myself in the mirror. Great, that's not very attractive. Without even thinking about what I'm doing I walk to my room and grab my eyeliner and hairbrush, but when I'm starting to brush my hair I realize that this is ridiculous. I don't want to look attractive. Do I?  
No. I mess with my hair and within no time I look even worse than I already did. Perfect.

I walk downstairs and see his shadow in the dark living room. Hm, so he decided to stay a little longer. It's a good thing that he didn't bring the lantern with him. Dark is good.

I sit down on the couch with my legs pulled up and look at his silhouette.

"Eric wondered if you liked the pancakes..."

"I did, much better than the lobsters I have to eat at home."

I wonder if he says it to impress me or that it's just a comment. "Lobsters? You eat that every day?"

"Nah, we used to eat them a lot. My father likes it, but he's in England now. Now it's just during holidays and family reunions."

"Sounds awful," I answer with a smirk. "What's your father doing in England?"  
I don't know if it's a smart to start about his family, because then he will clearly come up with questions about _my_ family. But if we could just stick with him, there's no need to worry.

* * *

"Business," is what I answer. But that's what my father _told_ me, and I know that it's only to escape from my mother, from the confrontation of not having Bobby around anymore. 

"When will he be back?"  
It's like she can see through me, like she knows that I can't answer that question. Her voice is soft and sympathetic when she asks me. Understanding even.

I shrug. "No idea."

I realize that we're still sitting in the dark and I really wonder why she didn't bring a lantern. "You prefer darkness?"

"Kind of. It's better not to see facial expressions."

"It is?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"But what if I now say something with an expression that you're not able to see. Then you might interpret it wrong."

"I might."

"So...?"

"In this way you can't see my reaction. It's safe."

"I don't mind to see your face."  
I didn't try to make it sound like a flirt attempt, but I do think it sounded like that.

"Okay, whatever, I'll get the lamp."

I don't say anything at that and wait for her to come back. She looks amazing with the lamp in her hand, her body and face softly lit up by the yellow light. But then the light falls on the wall in front of me, and it's...decorated with a landscape and three big words; 'Eric, Maggie, Abby in their dreamworld,' is written besides three little figures on a big green hill.

"You like it?" She asks after she apparently saw me staring at it.

"Yeah, eh, it's funny. Who's Maggie?" I know that I know, but I can't help to ask.

"She...is my mother."

I nod and look at her while she sits down on the couch again, in front of the decorated wall.

"Where is she now?"

She shrugs. "I don't know. Not in England. At least, I hope," she laughs uncomfortable.

"You really have no idea?"

The shock must be clear in my voice. The whole jail thing is getting on me again. What if she doesn't know...

"Nope."

I nod. I open my mouth to say something, to start about what my mother told me, but I don't know if that's a good idea. It would really show her that they gossip about her family. And that would screw things up.

* * *

Why is he not asking further? First he's Mr. Sherlock himself, then he turns into some understanding person who doesn't dare to ask any further. I see him thinking, him opening his mouth a little but he doesn't speak.

"What is it?" I ask sharper than I meant to.

He shakes his head. "Nothing."

"You have no further questions?"

"No, I don't. I mean, not that I'm only here to, you know, to find things out. I just thought that-"

Confused I look at him. I don't understand him at this point. He's not only here to find things out? Well, I'm glad not.  
"You just thought that...?"

He shrugs and plays with the pillow in his hand. "I was worried about you."

Oh, great. Of course. I knew he was worried somewhere, I just fierily hoped that he wouldn't say it, that he wouldn't admit it.

"Don't," is all I say when I get up.

Now I realize again why it was a bad thing to invite him, to let him in. I don't need people worrying about me. We never needed them.

"Wait, come on...," he tries and looks up to me.

Oh my god, that look. Those puppy eyes. Does he know he has that effect on people? On me? I never felt this before. I shrug and lean against the couch.  
"Why are you here again?"

"Because when I came over the first time and I talked to Eric, I saw that something is wrong. And you can't deny that. Your mother isn't here,-"

"What about _your_ father?" I spat at him.

"Look," he gets up and seems to be pretty pissed off. "That's different. Because my mother is there to take care of me, you two have no one, you're living... some impossible life. And I was worried when you weren't at school Friday, that's why. I needed to know if you're okay."

I've never been so disappointed before.  
I wanted him to come for me, or for Eric, or for school, not because he was worried. Not in that way. Not because he knows that we're different, that we're screwed up.

"So... you came to check on us? To see if we're still alive?"

I see him sucking in a deep breath when he takes a few steps and comes standing pretty close to me. His voice calms down again, hopefully realizing that Eric is up there.

"My mother told me that the cops arrested your mother. And I didn't believe that, and I think it's ridiculous that she told me that, but she did. And it worried me. That's why I came over in the first place. But I like you, I do. But I don't know you. I was just hoping that you'd trust me."

I close my eyes for a second. Arrested? Maggie? His mother knows? Oh shit, I knew he wasn't the right person to let in. I knew it right from the beginning. They're all the same.

* * *

She scares me with the look on her face. Until now she had that mask, that strong thing, that she managed to keep everything under control, but this look is disappointment.

"Your mother told you about my mother being arrested by the cops?"  
Her voice is dangerously shivering, like she could either break down or burst out any minute. Which of the two I can't say.

"Yes," I whisper and look deep in her eyes, hoping for some sort of reaction.

"Nice," is all she says while she walks up to the door. "You'd better leave." Her voice is truly broken, but very decisive.

"But I didn'-" I try but her eyes look so violently at me that I don't see any other options.

"This was a bad idea from the beginning," she says while I get my coat and stand in the doorway.

"Eric likes you. The boy _likes_ you, and that doesn't happen very often here. And if you think you know us so well, or that you know what's going on, then you should know that this doesn't happen often. We never invite someone. _Never_. So be damn glad that he did. And I trusted you, but I don't think I should have."

She chrushes me. I'm just gazing at her eyes, at the small tear in the corner of her left eye, her shivering lower lip.

"I was hoping that I could help you with finding your mother...," I try and take a step outside.

"Don't. You're not a superhero. Although you're rich, although your family has so much power in this city, you can't save everyone. And we don't need to be saved."

I didn't mean that. I just... Maybe she is right. Maybe this has been a bad idea from the beginning.

"Don't you want to find her?"  
It was a thought, but I said it. I said it. Softly, but still.

She takes a step outside as well. And then she says everything that I hoped to hear tonight, but not how.

"My mother is crazy. Insane. Sick. We don't need to find her. We can only hope that she'll come back soon, to give us some sign of life. That's all we need. And then I'll try to get her on her medication again. And pray that she'll stay on them for at least a month so she'll bring in some money. That's what we do. That's how we live.  
And don't even think that you'll be able to change that."

She seems shocked when she's finished, looks to the ground. And then she steps back and closes the door behind her.

Dismayed I walk backwards out of their garden, back to the street.  
I can't think straight when I walk home, her words keep echoing in my head, her face keeps coming back in my mind. I disappointed here, I said everything wrong, I did everything wrong, and I can't expect that she'll ever... talk to me again. I ruined it.

* * *

As soon as I close the door I lean against it, holding my head with my face. Managing not to sank down and cry I groggily walk up the stairs and close the door of my bedroom. There I do sank down, there I lean against the wall. I cry, about everything.  
About mom, who maybe is in jail, who could be dead, who might never come back. About the first guy, the first damn _person_ in my life that I trusted, but he's just like everyone else. His mother gossips, he thinks he knows what to do. And for God's sake, Eric trusted him. Eric _invited_ him. But it wasn't worth it.

How could I've been so stupid? I never talked with him. It was just his face, his behaviour... How could I've been so naive?  
It didn't and won't make things beter. It screwed everthing up in a bad, bad way.  
He... The biggest mistake I've ever made.

* * *

I heard them shouting, I heard her stumbling up the stairs. And now she's crying. But Abby never cries. We never cry. We try not to. And Abby never shouts. Only at mom.

I softly pull the blanket away from my body and tiptoe to her room. I don't really dare to open her room. It's not nice to walk in right now. She thinks that I'm sleeping.

But still I do it.

* * *

Startled she looked up when she heard the door go open, and stared in the big asking eyes of her little brother.

"I heard you...," he mumbled softly and came standing right in front of her.

"I'm so sorry," she stuttered and stood up to sit down on her bed as she wiped the tears with her sleeve.

"You don't like John anymore?" Eric asked careful.

She smiled. "Not really..."

"Oh," he answered disappointed.

"But that's alright. We're together right?" She said and took his hand.

"I liked him..."

"I know, but..."

He shrugged and sat down besides her. "Can I sleep here?"

Abby was glad that he asked, that he knew that she needed someone.

"Sure," she smiled. "But you have to fall asleep very fast, it's late."

"We could watch a movie," he tried hopefully.

"No we couldn't," she smirked and grabbed her pyamas.

After she brushed her teeth she walked as softly as possible back to her bed and slid under the comforter besides Eric. And staring at her ceiling, she tried to block Carter out of her mind and fall asleep. But unfortunately, that appeared not to be as easy as she hoped it would be.

* * *

**Thanks for reading.**

_(Preview for next chapter: There is still a presentation to finish, how should that be done?)_

**Please let me know what you think, I really appreciate it. Thank you.**


	4. Act Like A Team

_**A/N: **Happy new year to all! Sorry for not updating for a month, I was kinda stuck with... everything. I also wrote a new chapter for My Golden Rule, check it out if you want to. I'll shut up, and enjoy chapter 4 of The Young Troubled!  
**Disclaimer:** They're mine, they're mine... nope, they're not.  
**Warning:** I'm **not a native English speaker**, I'm Dutch, I do the best I can!  
**Reviews:** Ahh, all those reviews make me a very happy girl! Glad that you guys all like it and especially that you take the time to review!

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_

**The Young Troubled**

_Chapter 4 – Act Like A Team_

_------_

**------ Carter's place 7:30**

Last night I managed to snuck in the house without waking up mom, so she doesn't know how late I actually was, but I wasn't there during dinner. I tiptoe out of my bedroom and walk down the stairs as soft as possible, trying to prevent my mother from seeing me.  
I peek around the door of the kitchen, she's standing at the refrigerator, going through the groceries with Jeanette, one of the maids.

I grab my bag and my coat and open the front door, but just when I'm about to sneak out of the house I hear footsteps.

"John Carter, where are we going?" There we go.

Carefully I turn around and stare in the eyes of my mother. "Hi...mom..."

"Come back in, sit down."

I let out a deep sigh and follow her to the kitchen and sit down as I was told.

"I've been awake all night. Where were you last night? You didn't came home after school, then stayed away during dinner, and now you want to leave without breakfast?"

I decide not to say anything, I shouldn't let the Abby word come up.

"Where you with that Abby girl?" There it already is...

"You're far too young to have intercourse, especially with a girl like her."

"Stop it mom." I say pissed as I stand up. Jeanette is staring at me as well now.

"Then what?" She asks, softly now. Her voice is shivering, her arms are crossed. God, she's pissed off. So am I.

I think about what to answer, the truth or something about staying at another friends place. I breath in and look in her eyes.  
"I was with Abby."

Her eyes grow wide. "I knew it," she mutters under her breath.

"For school," I finish, doing my very best to keep my voice under control.

"I told you not to go there again."

"Mr. Watkins told me to prepare our presentation together."

"'Til midnight?" She raises her eyebrows and gives me a daring look. I glance at my watch, I should go now, I don't want to be late. Let's get this over with.

"I stayed for dinner, her brother asked me to. I forgot to call, I'm sorry."

"What did you say?"

"I am _sorry_. Mom."

"You're not going there again," she says quickly and walks to the hall.

"Then Abby has to come here."

"No, you can do that at school."

"School is closed past five."

"And you're home at five." With that she walks up the stairs. "And now hurry up!" She says with her back towards me.

Pissed I look at Jeanette, who's just coming out of the kitchen. "Don't do that to your mother John, she's having a hard time."

I don't answer that and head to school. We have that presentation this week, we _have_ to see each other, and I can't go there again. I really don't want home arrest.  
Besides all that, who says that Abby wants to come with me? I ruined it last night, and I highly doubt it if she's at school anyway.

**------ Biological class - 9:25**

I hurry through the hallway, trying to catch Mr. Watkins before class will start, hoping that I'll be able to talk to him about the presentations. I just saw John at his locker but I don't think he saw me, and that's a good thing because I don't want to see him anymore. And that's why I need Watkins.

When I reach the class room I peek around the door and see him sitting at his desk.

"Mr. Watkins?" I ask as I open the door a little further.

"Abby, good to see you're back!"

"Yeah, I'm feeling better," I mumble uncomfortable and walk over to him.

"Have you spoken with John Carter about your presentation? I'd like to see some sort of a scheme..?"

There we go. "Yes, well. About that," I lick my lips before I continue. "I've really been very sick, and we never really got the time to prepare anything. So I was thinking, because it's not really working out, if there's a change to..-"

But then I'm suddenly interrupted by Watkin's voice, whoes eyes aren't looking at me anymore, but at the door.

"Ah! John, good that you're here, we were just discussing your presentation."

Shit. Startled I turn around and see John standing in the door way. For how long has he been standing there? He should have heard my last sentence, and he damn well knows what I was trying to ask.

"Goodmorning," he answers like nothing is going on and walks in the class room, coming to stand besides me and leans nonchantly against the tables, not saying anything, acting like he's 'polite' by letting me finish my conversation with Watkins.

"Sorry that I intterrupted you, what do you want to change?" Watkins asks me, having absolutely no idea that it's a little different with John in the room.

"Ah, well...," I start clumsy and look at John, who's looking at me intensively, daring me to say it.

"John and I came to the conclusion...," I look to the ground to regain strength and then look up again, and say with a clear voice: "We'd like to change partners."

* * *

I can't help to look surprised, because I am. My mouth falls open as I look at her. I knew she wanted to, but not that she'd actually say it. 

"And why is that John?" Watkins asks with raised eyebrows.

"I..." I look back to Abby who's giving me an encouraging look. My eyes move around her face, trying to get any sort of eye contact.

"It's not really working out. I guess," I say kind of questioning, still with my face towards Abby.

She rolls her eyes at that.What? I don't know what else there is to say.

"And there's nothing that we can do about that?" He looks at Abby again and leans with his elbows on his desk.

"Not really," Abby mumbles. What kind of an answer is that? She could have at least thought about a proper excuse, especially after she didn't like mine.

"Well, I'm sorry kids, but I can't let you change partners. You should have come up with that earlier."

Oh oh. I expected that answer somewhere, but I also hoped that he would have some sort of a solution. But he hasn't and that means that we're now really forced to work together. Apparently Abby realized that as well because she grabs her bag and walks to the back of the class room where she sits down in the right corner.

"Well well well," Mr. Watkins grins at me. "You got yourself into some big trouble haven't you?" He says it just not loud enough for Abby to hear him, and I decide to say nothing back. Slowly I get my bag and sit down in the front of the class room, in the left corner. As far away from Abby as possible.

After thirty horrible quiet seconds more people come in and then the class room is full. I didn't look over my shoulder to see who's sitting next to Abby, but I don't really care.

"Hey, do you have time for the schoolplay this afternoon?" Michael asks me as he sits down besides me.

Damn it, I totally forgot about that. "I'm not sure. My mother wants me to be home at five."

"What did you do?"

Just when I open my mouth to answer Watkins shuts the door with such a bang that it's immediately quiet.

"Good morning kids. The presentations will start tomorrow, and we finished all the subject material that you need for the test, so today you can use to work on the last bits for your presentations, and if you've any other questions, you can always come to me."

Immediately people begin to stand up and mix so they can all sit with their partner, and I'm forced to stand up as well so George can sit besides Michael. Abby is still sitting alone.

I walk over to her and with a deep sigh I sit down besides her. She doesn't say anything and decides to look away from me, and starts to write some things down in her agenda.

I sit there for a moment, not doing anything important as well, but then I finally get the book out of my bag and open it on the right pages. If Abby doesn't want to do this that's fine, but I want to get a nice grade, and if she's not planning to cooperate, I'll do it by myself.

After I've been reading for at least twenty minutes about all the different types of RNA, I see Abby in the corner of my eye throwing her head backwards with closed eyes, and then looking back at me.

"Okay. Okay, you can't do this alone." She leans in and gently takes the book out of my hands, and flips through the pages. Without saying a word she takes a notebook out of her bag and starts to write something down, then she shows it to me.

1. introduction  
2. what does DNA?  
3. what does RNA?  
4. explanation of the tree sorts of RNA  
5. mutations in the DNA

"Wow. Okay. Yeah, looks good," I stutter, a little overwhelmed by her sudden actions.

"Okay. So if you do one, three, and five, I'll do the other ones, I just don't know yet what six should be about."

"Watkins wants us to present as a team. To help each other explaining, to make one presentation."

"We're not a team."

"We have to act like we are," I say and manage to lock her eyes in mine.

She looks away for a minute and pouts a little. "I can't work with someone who's mother gossips about me and who thinks that he knows what I should do."

"I never said that."

"We don't need you."

And then the bell rings. Before I can even answer she's already on her way out, and as soon as I'm out of the class room as well, I realize that I won't be able to find her between all those people.

**------ Abby's Locker – 14:30**

Finally, finally this endless schoolday is over. I open my locker to get my wallet and get some books for homework. Today was bad. First everyone ignored me since Katie apparently had seen me on the street in the time that I was sick, and now all my 'friends' feel betrayed or whatever, and I'm not welcome anymore. Screw them.

Twenty dollars. I have twenty dollars to buy as much food as possible. This morning I came downstairs and found Maggie, who was sleeping on the couch with a vapour of wodka around her. My wodka.  
I hid it in the bottom drawer of the cabinet in the living room, but when Maggie needs a drink, she finds a drink, and that's probably why the whole room was one big mess.

Her pulse felt strong enough so I don't think she mixed it with any sort of pill, but still I'm a little anxious for what I'll find when I come home today. But first I need to get Eric from school, I don't want him to be alone with Maggie right now.

"Abby? Abby?" Immediately I realize that I've been sitting kneeled down in front of my locker for awhile now, so I quickly turn around and stand up, coming to stand in front of the one and only John Carter.

"What are you doing here?" I ask a little weary, not really feeling for another talk.

He doesn't answer that so I turn around once again to get the last book in my bag and grab my coat. God I'm being stubborn today. But I have my reasons.

"Do you have time tomorrow to go over the presentation once more? Because Wednesday I have basketball and Thursday the first repetition for Hamlet."

What a busy man it is. "I don't know yet," I say as I close my locker behind him.

"I didn't know about Thursday 'til a minute go, I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well I'm sorry too. I don't know."

"I understand if you can't."

"Good," I mumble and start to walk to the exit.

"And what about Thursday's evening?"

I stop and turn around. "I have Eric to take care of, I can't just leave."

"I can come to you."

"I don't want you to." And especially not with Maggie around.

"Then come to me, take Eric with you if you have to, or bring him to a friend."

I can't really say no to that. It's an option, a good one. He hasn't been with the Martins for awhile. But go to his place? I don't feel much for meeting his mother.

"At Thursday my mother goes to her bridge club," he smiles.

I sigh, overthinking my options. But soon enough I realize that I don't have any other options. Tomorrow is defenitely not possible, not now Maggie just came home. And Thursday will be fine with the Martins, especially if I'll explain the situation.

"Okay," I finally say and smile softly.

"Okay. I'm looking forward to it," and then he walks out of the school.

He's looking forward to it? Hm. I'm smiling, although I don't want to. I stand there for awhile and then make my way to Eric's school. We'lldo the groceries, and then go home. Where Maggie is. And I know what that means. Trouble.

* * *

**Thanks for reading.**

_(Preview for next chapter: So Maggie is back, but it doesn't make things much easier. Abby has problems with Eric, who doesn't understand that Abby isn't happy with their mother back. And Carter gets an unexpected message from his mother.)_

**Please let me know what you think, I really appreciate it. Thank you.**


	5. Mothers

_**A/N: **This took me awhile, that's why it's 4800 words long. I know, twice as much as normal in this story, but hopefully worth the time!  
**Disclaimer:** They're mine, they're mine... nope, they're not.  
**Warning:** I'm **not a native English speaker**, I'm Dutch, I do the best I can!  
**Reviews:** Thank you for all the sweet reviews I received! They really make me write faster, they're all very supportive!I loved the 'Dutch' one!  
**Edited:** Something was wrong with the upload thing here at so that's why I update this for the third time, to make sure it's now really on the main page. I also changed some spelling mistakes; I had cola instead of coke and more of those ... dutch (?) things ;)__

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_

**  
The Young Troubled**

_Chapter 5 – Mothers_

_------_

**------ Grocery store 15:00**

"Where did you get that money?"

"Maggie."

"But she was asleep. Did you ask her?"

"Of course I did," I lie. "And that is not important, since we just need to buy food."

"But what if she wants to save it?"

"She doesn't. Now stop about the money and decide what you want to eat tonight."

"I don't want to."

I let out a deep sigh and look at my little brother. "Look Eric, I asked Maggie, she said it was okay. So, what do you want to eat tonight?"

He shrugs and looks around the store for a while. "Pancakes?" He tries carefully and shows me his big, begging eyes.

"I was thinking about meat," I correct him and point at the right section.

"We could eat hamburgers?"

"Yeah, I'd like that," I nod and walk with him to the right part of the store.

"Can I have chicken too?" He asks as he puts it down in our cart.

"Yes, you can. And one other thing."

I smile as I see his eyes sparkle at that. It's just sad that you can make a little ten years old boy so happy with just something to eat. He doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve a mother who comes home drunk, having money in her back pocket that she probably won't even miss. I don't want to know how she got it; the fact that she got it is good enough for now.

"Done!" Eric smiles and points at the pork chops. "You okay with that?"

"I'm okay with everything. Now, we need potatoes, something to drink, bread, yoghurt and a dessert."

"We're really gonna have a dessert?" His eyes are about to jump out of his head after he heard that.

"Just once. I was thinking of ice cream, or strawberries."

"Both is better."

"Eric..."

"Especially with whipped cream," he says with a high voice that makes me laugh. "And look! It's even in the sale." With a broad grin he throws it towards me and I catch it just one time.

"Hey! Don't do that, we haven't even paid yet," I answer a little annoyed. God, strawberries, ice cream and this... This is a bad idea. We need food, real food.

"Look Eric," I start as I quickly put the whipped cream back and see him inspect the several boxes of strawberries. "You have to choose. Ice cream or strawberries. We can't have both."

"Why not...?" He asks thoughtless as he decides on the right box and puts it in our cart.

"Because we don't have enough money."

Immediately the sparkle in his eyes disappears. "But those people have everything."  
He points at a mother with two kids and a cart full of expensive luxury food. I bite my lip and go with my hand through his hair.

"That's not us," I say softly.

He looks in my eyes and then nods. "I choose the strawberries."

"You made the right choice," I smile. "Okay, can you get ah, milk, butter and... bread and cornflakes? The cheap ones okay? Then I'll go over there for some drinks. You're okay with that?"

He nods and makes his way to the dairy products. I watch him for a moment, making sure he's going to the right part of the store, and then hurry to the drinks.

Cola, Orange juice, something else that looks pretty fruity, but then my eye falls on the other side. The alcohol side.

Hesitating I take a look at all the different sort of wines, and then the other ones. Vodka. It's not necessary. I don't need it. It's just that it... No. I shouldn't. We don't have any money left for this. And it wouldn't be fair to Eric.

"Done. But there was no butter left. I also got apples and peanut butter."

"Okay, yeah, that's okay." I look down at the cart. We have too much. Twenty dollars isn't enough for this. With a knot in my stomach we make our way to the cash desk, and anxiously I wait for the costs to appear.

"That is twenty three dollar fifty."

I swallow and look down at Eric, who knows what I'm going to say.

"We don't have enough," I mumble and look down at the groceries. "Then we won't take the pork, and the soda."

"Wait young lady," I suddenly hear an old male voice behind me and see Eric standing besides him. He didn't ask him for money did he?

"That pork looks far too good to give back, here, there you go. Five dollars to pay."

"Thank you but I really can't accept that," I say, feeling completely embarrassed in front of all the other people in the line.

"Yes you can," the old man smiles and hands the money to the cashier. "There you go."

Before I can even open my mouth the money has already disappeared. "Sir..."

"Don't worry about it dear, enjoy your meal."

"Yeah..." I mumble as I see the man walk away with his wife. "We will..."

**------ Carter's place – 15:30**

"I'm home!" I shout up the stairs as I put off my coat and throw it on the antique small bank besides the front door. "Mom!"

I walk to the kitchen and get myself a glass of water and sit down at the table for a while. She's coming. Abby's coming here, and mom doesn't even need to know. I wonder if she wants to stay for dinner as well, we could cook together, show her around the house... or the garden. Yeah, that would be fun. But well, she comes for biology and she didn't seem very interested in the rest, but maybe that can change.

I check the refrigerator but there's no note. Thoughtless I walk to the living room to watch some TV but when I push the big sliding doors open I see grey hair peeking out above the armchair.

"Gamma?"

She turns a little so she can see me. "John! How nice to see you!" She stands up and kisses my cheek.

"I had no idea you were coming," I answer as I sit down on the couch in front of her.

"You weren't prepared?" She says with a smile and puts away her book.

I laugh and look at her. "How is grandpa?"

"He is trying out his new collectors' item. A _Mercedes_."

"Oh wow, that's nice."

She nods. "He's very... _satisfied _with his purchase, yes."

I smile, picturing my grandpa in his new car, enjoying the leather or whatever is expensive this time. "Where's mom?"

"I think she's speaking to your father. He was asking for you, but since you weren't home yet."

"Study?"

"Yes, I suppose."

"I'll be right back, okay?"

"Yes, yes, take your time, I'll be here."

Still a little overwhelmed by Gamma's sudden visit I walk up the stairs and open the door of the study a little, seeing my mother sitting behind dad's desk calling.

"Jack, no. We'll talk later, John is here. He'll call you back. No. Not now, I need to talk to him first."

Something is wrong. Something is terribly wrong. She sounds frustrated, looks frustrated, and then she hangs up and quickly turns around to me. "John..."

**------ Abby's place – 16:15**

"You can not ask for money," I finally sigh after Eric has been talking about the thing since we left the store. He really shouldn't have done that.

A little nervous I open the front door and turn on the lights.

No Maggie in the living room.

No Maggie in the kitchen either.

"Where's mom?"

"I don't know," I answer more relaxed than I actually am, and put down the bag and get the groceries out.

"Maybe she's upstairs..." he thinks out loud as I pour some cola in two glasses.

"Yeah maybe." It's awfully quiet here, no sign of anyone else walking around here. I can only hope that she didn't lock herself in the bathroom like last time.

My heart hammers in my chest as we both walk up the stairs. Whatever is going on, I don't want Eric to see his mother like...

"Sweethearts! You're home?"

Thank God. "Yes mom, we're home," I say relieved and turn to her voice.

"Look what I found in the shed. Paint! Lots of paint."

Stunned I look at what's going on. Plastic is all over the floor of Eric's little room, and there are several strokes of hard blue on the wall. "You like it?" She asks proud and looks at him.

I can't help but frown as I see her standing there, long messed up brown hair in some pink hair elastic, a big blue overall and bare feet. At least she put plastic on the floor, so we won't have paint on the whole floor like in the living room.

I turn my face and see Eric standing there in the door way. He doesn't look that excited. I can't blame him, it's not such a beautiful color and well...

"We did groceries," I just say as I sit down on Eric's bed and look at her for a moment.

"Good. Good good good," she smiles far too happy for that news and makes a little swirl.

She's manic. It's the way she keeps waving with her hands, the way she tripples over the plastic and especially the way she paints.

"Let's do it together then," she smiles and takes Eric hand, leading him from his safe spot in the doorway to the wall.

"Abby, please honey, come on. Paint paint paint!"

Whatever. I can't let Eric alone with her now. Anxious for what we'll get after the 'fun' manic part, I get a paintbrush as well and start somewhere in the middle of the wall.

**------ Carter's place – 16:15**

"I can't believe this!"

"John, she needs some time off."

"Off from what? From me?"

"From this place."

"You mean from Bobby's memories."

"Well, of course. That too."

"What about me?"

"Your father is coming back John."

"Yeah well, he didn't sound that excited."

"That has nothing to do with you, and you know that." Gamma pushes me down on a chair at the dining table and sits down besides me. "Your mother worked in Berlin before."

I raise my eyebrows at that stupid argument and look at the chandelier in front of me.

"She just wants to go back there."

"And she just forgot that she has another son?"

"Of course she didn't."

"Right."

She sighs and takes my hand. "Look John, I know that this isn't how you _want_ it to be, but there's not so much we can do about this."

"You can't convince mom to stay?"

"Believe me, I tried. We both tried."

"Hell of a job you did."

"Don't use those words."

"This is really bad."

"You'll be fine John, you're a responsible young man. Don't you want some time to catch up with your father?"

"She just never thinks about me."

"She's still grieving."

"She has to move on. I'm moving on, ain't I?"

"Yes. And that is very, very brave. But Eleanor just needs a bit more time."

"In Berlin." I add and stand up.

And Gamma just nods.

**------ Abby's place – 19:00**

I'm standing in the kitchen, frying the hamburgers and cooking the potatoes. I left Eric upstairs with Maggie, or maybe Eric just stayed with his mom, there is a difference, and now I'm standing in a half dark kitchen, being to lazy to get some sort of a light.

I wonder if the light will ever come back, mom is far too messed up to apply for a job or to pick up her cosmetics thing again. I thought about _me_ getting a job, but that would mean that Eric is always alone after school, or with Maggie. And I would never earn enough to pay the bills.

"We're done!" Eric shouts from upstairs, sounding much better than he did at first.

"Yes! And it's beautiful Abby!" I hear Maggie as well now.

I smile, not for my mother – never for my mother – but for Eric, for the fact that he's having a good time today, with Maggie. The only problem is that he doesn't realize that as soon as one of us says something wrong, she'll start to scream, bite, throw, and everything else that I hate about her.

"Eric! Hamburgers are ready!"

Immediately I hear his stumbling on the stairs and in no time he's standing besides me with three plates in his hands.

"Now mom is back, we could invite John," he whispers to me.

"No we can't," I whisper back and help him with the plates. "Mom? You want something to eat?"

"She's in the bedroom."

"Since when?" I ask a little anxious.

"After we finished, ten minutes ago."

"Did she say she was tired?" I ask, sounding so worried that apparently Eric notices.

"I... I don't know," he mutters and sits down.

"Okay, I'll check on her."

"I couldn't come in," he pouts and looks at me.

"She told you to stay out?"

"Yeah. I think that she's tired."

"I know. I'll be right back."

He just nods and chews on his hamburger.

As soon as I'm upstairs I try to open the door of her bedroom. Locked. "MOM!" I shout and wait for an answer.

"Mom? We have hamburgers!"

Nothing.

Jesus. Relax Abby, it's only been ten minutes. There's not so much she could have done. "MOM!"

And then I hear a noise; glass falling down on the ground. A bottle? A scream and then it's quiet.

**------ Carter's place – 19:00**

Dinner had been everything but enjoyable. Gamma tried to keep up some sort of conversation but every time mom simply manages to cuts it off. Not that I feel like talking.

We're waiting for Jeanette to clear the table and now we can't eat anymore to ignore the silence, the mood became even more awkward.

Gamma coughs. She's sitting in front of me, mom besides me.

Mom pulls a lock of her hair behind her ear.

I frown and play with my napkin-ring.

"Don't do that," mom suddenly speaks.

Without saying a word I put it back on the table.

Gamma coughs again.

"So..."

Immediately I look up to her.

"How is Hamlet going?" Gamma asks and takes a sip from her water.

"We're going to read through the script with the whole cast Thursday."

"And you're Hamlet?"

"First time this year," I nod. I'm proud of that.

"It's a school tradition, every two years they do Hamlet," Mom adds.

"And you're the lucky one this year?"

"I am," I answer.

"To be or not to be... _that is the question_," Gamma begins and smiles at me.

"Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer," I automatically add. "...the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them? To die, to sleep, no more. And by a sleep to say we end the heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to..."

Quickly I try to remember the other words. That flesh is heir to... I forgot.

"Impressive," Gamma smiles and claps softly.

"He's been learning every evening," mom says to my surprise. Was that pride I heard?

Gamma sees my surprised reaction and gives me a reassuring not. "I told you so."

**------ Abby's place – 19:10**

I'm worried to death about Maggie, but there's not much I can do. Not as long as the door is locked. First I wanted to wait in front of the room, knock some more, but then I realized that I had to go downstairs and sit with Eric. We didn't say much, but I can see at him that he knows exactly what's going on.

"She locked herself in again."

"I know."

"You always tell me not to do that."

"I know."

"Last time she was throwing things against the mirror. I stepped in the glass then."

"I remember."

"There's still a scar on my foot."

"Do you want the strawberries now?" I ask, with the hope that he'll stop talking about all that.

He nods. "I'll ask mommy too."

"Don't." I guess the strawberries didn't work.

"Please?"

I sigh, knowing that whatever he will do, she probably won't come out anyway.

"Want me to go with you?"

Shrugging he looks at me.

"Come on," I say and take his hand. Together we walk upstairs and he knocks softly on the door.

"Mommy? Mommy, Abby and I...we bought strawberries. I'd like you to have some as well... Only if you want to."

I close my eyes, touched by his soft voice, by the way he says it so softly through the keyhole. By the way he just waits, stays calm. He's such an innocent kid, just look at him.

He turns around and gives me a questioning look. "Could you try?"

I smile weakly and kneel down besides him. "Mom? Mom, Eric is here. He wants to eat strawberries with you. Maggie?"

I look at Eric and shake my head. "Sorry..."

He shrugs. "That's okay. We can save some for her." And then he goes back down again.

Defeated I sank down against the wall. He's gonna save some for the most horrible mother in the world. My eyes are getting a little moist, but I keep it under control.

"Ab, you're coming?"

"I'll be right there," I tell him and knock on the door once again. Nothing. "Never mind," I mutter under my breath and stand up, but then I hear a noise coming from the bed room.

I turn around, only with one foot on the stairs, and then the door of her bed room goes open, and I see my mother, standing there in the doorway, with a bottle in her hand, and blood on her left arm.

**------ Carter's place – 19:30**

I'm sitting behind my desk, and try to focus on math homework, but my mind is far too busy with thinking about Abby, mom, dad, and everything else that came up today. I just can't believe that she wants to leave. Not that we're that _close_, my mother and I, but this is the other limit. Berlin? That's like, at the other side of the world.

I know that Dad is in England, but that's for business. Important business and that wasn't some pathetic escape.

Because that's what it is, for mom.

She'll leave next week, and then I'll be alone for a couple of days, until Dad feels like flying back. Not entirely alone though, it seems that Gamma feels for staying with me.

"John?" A soft knock on the door, there's she is.

"Hi Gamma," I say as I fill in the last numbers on my calculator.

"That looks rather difficult," she says as she looks over my shoulder.

"Yeah, well, it's okay."

I hear her sit down on the bed behind me. "DNA?" I hear her surprised voice.

I turn around and see her glancing in my biology book. "Yeah, I have a presentation about that. Friday."

"Really?"

"Yes, with a classmate."

"That Michael?"

"No, a girl. I don't know her that well. Her name is Abby." I try to figure out what she's thinking. Did mom told her about this?

"Eleanor mentioned her name."

Oh, great.

"She's nice."

"I understand, your mother is just a little afraid that something might happen."

"I don't see what could happen."

"Well John, you _are_ both teenagers, with _feelings_."

I raise my eyebrows at that but decide not to say anything back.

"And," she continues, "your mom isn't used to let you hang around with people from families she doesn't know."

I sigh and close my math book. "My whole class is filled with people from unknown families, my whole theater group is. It never was an issue when Bobby was still alive."

"Things change."

I nod slightly and put my homework back in my bag. "They do."

**------ Abby's place – 19:45**

She didn't say anything, she just walked down the stairs, stumbled over the last two steps and plumbed down on the couch, and there she still is with a bottle of something that is probably Whiskey.

I told Eric to go to the kitchen and eat his strawberries, but he finished that of course way too soon and now he's sitting on a chair here, and I'm sitting on the couch by my mother, trying to figure out how serious the bleeding on her arm is.

"Is she hurt?" Eric asks hoarse.

"Maybe a little," I whisper back. I'm not sure if she's hearing us or that she passed out in a deep sleep already. At least her pulse is still strong, she can't be that far. And since her hand is still very tight wrapped around the bottle I don't think she really is asleep.

Suddenly she confirms what I already assumed as she moans and opens one eye.

"What are you doing?" She mumbles and turns her head to me.

"Nothing," I try to smile a little and do my very best to look relaxed.

She nods and takes another gulp of the whiskey.

I know I should get that away from her, before she really will pass out, but I also know that I won't get the chance for that, and that without this glow, she'll maybe be even worse.

She licks her lips and turns to me, her legs curled up under her. "You're so big," she smiles and puts her hand on my cheek.

"And you've grown in such a beautiful girl, Abby..."

I give her a nervous smile and swallow. She's far too sweet, far too calm, and the moisty eyes already tell me what will come next.

I think of Eric, who's just sitting there, longing for these compliments she's giving me.

"And you'll marry such a fine man," she mumbles and goes with her hand softly on my face. I know what will come. I know.

"But you never..." a sob escapes. "But you never thanked me." O God, she's crying.

Back in manic land.

"You never did. All those years, and I worked so hard for you..." Big tears are falling now.

Immediately I pull back and hope that this will go over, but of course, as always, it doesn't.

"You don't want to talk, you never want to ta-halk," her voice increases at the last words, the sobs become louder. I know what's gonna come.

"She's not angry." Oh please Eric, don't. "She's been taking very good care of me when you weren't home..." Now we're screwed.

"Oh god dammit!" She suddenly shouts and pushes me away. Quickly I stand up as she does as well and walks over to Eric.

"I'm your mother!_ I_ AM! She is your _SISTER_! Your spoiled stupid sister!" She bends down over him, squeezing his cheeks with both her hands. Don't do this Maggie. Please don't harm him.

"And you have no _RIGHT_ to listen to her!"

Feeling completely powerless I just have to watch the situation, hoping that she'll let him go soon. "Do you hear me? Open your eyes!"

He can't stand her screaming so close in his face, please let the poor kid just close his eyes...

"You think that I'm a bad mother don't you!"

I close my eyes, completely overwhelmed by all the horrible things she's shouting at him. Dammit, he saved strawberries for her! He saved...

"HE SAVED STRAWBERRIES FOR YOU MOM!" I suddenly burst out.

Disturbed she turns around, and her grip seems to lose some strength.

"He did!" I continue. "He loves you, and he listens to you!"

And then she lets him go.

Relieved I sigh as I see him standing there alone again but the fear for Maggie is still awfully present.

I stare straight in her eyes. She must see the hate in mine.

"Oh and you're just the same! You're all THE SAME!" She shouts at me and runs in the kitchen.

We both hear the bang of the garden and then the shrill screaming begins.

Here it's now just Eric and me, both standing at different sides of the room.

"Eric..." I mumble defeated as I walk to him and kneel down.

I caress his cheek and kiss his forehead. "I'm so sorry..."

He shrugs as a tear rolls along his face.

"You need to go upstairs, and go the bathroom, and lock the door," I whisper.

His eyes stare in mine.

"_Lock_ the door Eric."

He gives me some sort of a nod and looks down to the ground.

Softly I place my hand on his chin and tilt his head up a little. "I know you don't like that, but that's the best thing to do," I tell him.

"Will you come and get me?" He asks with a broken, little voice.

"I will," I nod reassuring and caress his hair. "Go upstairs."

He nods back and follows my orders, and with bowed head he walks up the stairs.

Relieved that Eric is safe for the rest of the evening I sit down on the couch for a moment and try to think of a way to get rid of Maggie, but the screaming that is still going on makes it hard to concentrate.

If she's still in the backyard – and it sounds like she is – I could just lock the door.

Gina from the other side of the street probably heard her already, and she might be able to calm her down.

The screaming is still loud when I stand up and walk to the kitchen. As soon as I see her standing on the grass, my breathing increases and I can actually hear myself breathing deeply through my nose.

Shut up Maggie. Just shut up and leave us alone.

Then I can't think clearly anymore. Eric's sad face is stuck in my head, the things she shouted echo in my mind and the screaming is so shrill that it hurts.  
Almost at the door. Lock it. Lock it.

But then she becomes aware of my presence.

Turn the key, turn the key Abby. Desperately my hand searches for the key that should be there but then I look down and see that it isn't.

I turn around to the kitchen counter and see it there. I try to estimate if I have the time to go and grab it, but it's too late.

The next thing that happens goes too fast to realize. Suddenly she's standing in front of me, against me almost. Her hands are so tightly wrapped around my wrists that I can't defend myself as she pushes me back in the kitchen. The door shuts behind us with a bang.

"What Abby! Where you trying to lock me out?" She yells in my face.

I try to get rid of her, try to bite her arms, to kick, but she's too strong. Even in this condition.

"Get rid of your mother? You can't get between me and Eric Abby! You can't you little bitch!"

I hate you. Oh God I hate you.

In the corner of my eye I see the whiskey bottle standing on the table. I take a step backwards as she keeps yelling things in my face that I try to ignore. That I learned to ignore.

Now the bottle is within my reach.

NOW. Suddenly I violently pull away from her and grab the bottle in my hand. My wrists are no longer under her control.

"Go away," I warn calmly and threaten with the bottle.

For a moment she seems to realize that she lost, that she can't win this battle, but then the manic takes over once again and she jumps on top of me, hitting the bottle with such force that it falls out of my hand with a bang, and the glass splinters loudly over the kitchen floor.

I manage to find support on the grip of one of the kitchen drawers, but Maggie trips and lands on her knees, one hand in the glass.

Startled I stand up straight again and look at her as she bends her head down on her knees and dramatically begins to cry.

For now, the worst is over.

* * *

**  
Thanks for taking the time to read this chapter!**

_(Preview for next chapter: Abby promised to come to Carter's house Thursday, but will she keep that promise now Maggie is back?)_

**Please let me know what you think, I really appreciate it! Thank you.**


	6. Coming Over

_**A/N: **Sorry for not updating, but school was like hell for the past weeks. I did update the final chapter of My Golden Rule and the first chapter of the sequel Our Golden Year  
**Disclaimer:** They're mine, they're mine... nope, they're not.  
**Warning:** I'm **not a native English speaker**, I'm Dutch, I do the best I can!  
**Reviews:** Thank you for all the sweet reviews I received! They really make me write faster, they're all very supportive!

* * *

_

**The Young Troubled  
**

_Chapter 6 – Coming Over  
_

_------_

**------ Abby's place 19:00**

"Mom, I'm going to a friends house. Eric is with the Martins. Ah, I'll be back around... twelve? Okay?"

No response.

Of course not.

It's been three days since her last manic episode and that night she fell in bed and stayed there. Right now she's laying on her stomach with her face burried in the pillow, sleeping.

"Mom, if you're awake..? Well, there's a note right here on your night table. See you later. Take care of yourself."

I refill her glass with water and then walk out of the house. I'm a little worried about Maggie; she hasn't been cutting her arms or anything, but she did fell with her hand in the glass that night, and she won't let me see it.  
Not like I know what to do, but if there are still some splinters in the wound...

But well, I can't really care. I'm glad that she's quiet and asleep, and if she stays on the lithium she surprisingly has been on since that evening, she might get up somewhere next week and sell some cosmetics. One can only hope.

Eric regained his strength again. That night I found him as he had promised in the bathroom; trembling like hell, awfully scared for Maggie, and even a little bit for me. But he's doing better, and finally gave up the childish way of love for his mom. At least, I guess. He doesn't care about her anymore, he doesn't check on her every thirty minutes or fall asleep besides her as he used to do. He's growing up, and that's good to know, since I'll leave this house earlier than Eric will.

Spoken about houses, Carter's mansion should be around here somewhere, but I still don't see the big, enormous, wonderful 'castle' popping up. I've never been there before, and I'm probably one of the few, since there have been tons of parties organized at that place by his brother who passed away last year.  
The houses are getting bigger though, and I know that I'm in the right neighborhood.

**------ Carter's place 19:15**

Oh man, she'll be here any minute and I didn't prepare any dinner yet. I told Jeanette that she didn't have to cook for me, and only for gamma, but now I realize that I still haven't thought about some sort of meal. Not that I think she wants to stay for dinner, but it really would be nice.

I run down the stairs and glance in the mirror of the entrance hall. Jeans, black shirt. Casual but good. I hope.

It's not even a date, but still, it is Abby coming here. Hard to reach Abby is coming here, and I can actually feel my heart beating in my chest. And then the bell rings.

"I'll get it!" I shout and take a deep breath as I throw one last look at the mirror. Okay, there we go.

Not exactly knowing how to behave I open the door while going through my hair with one hand, trying to look extremely cool and relaxed. And there she is.

* * *

What the heck was that for move? His hair is kinda messed up now, and he's standing there... well, that look is a little creepy. John Travolta without the looks. Sort of. Still he looks good.

"Hey Abby, come in," he says and opens the door further, allowing me to view the whole, and then I mean the whole, the _whole_ big entrance hall. Geez.

"Hi," I answer quickly and step in the mansion. Man, it's even bigger than it looks from the outside. Pretty stressed out by the hugeness of all this I sweep my feet for quitte some time on the doormath until Carter gives me a confused glance. Yeah, I think they're clean by now.I unzip my coat and look around to find some sort of a hatstand but apparently they don't have any space since the walls are covered with paintings, antique furniture and big, big doors. I don't think I've ever been this uncomfortable before in my entire life. This is too big. Far too big for me, and far too clean as well.

"I'll take your coat," he answers my searching look and softly takes it out of my hand.

He disappears in a small room and I tilt my head backwards to take a look at the amazing height. A big chandelier decorates the beautifully plastered white ceiling, and two other ones enlighten the stairs. Ridiculous.

"Want a soda or anything?" John asks as we walk in the kitchen.

"Yeah, I'd like that." Carefully I sit down on one of the chairs and observe him as he opens the fridge and pours in the drinks. There's still a lock of his hair at the wrong side of his haircut, and it's really not looking too good. I grin softly as he turns around and sits down in front of me.

"What?" He asks, absolutely having no idea what he looks like.

"You're hair."

Immediately his hand flies up to the lock I was talking about. "Better?"

I nod as it's on the right side again and take a sip from my soda. Fun to see that he's blushing.

"Nice house," I smile, trying to get this conversation started.

"Yeah, I know...It's not bad." He gives me a shy smile. "Haven't you been here before? With one of the parties we threw here?"

A little ashamed I shake my head. They're known as the best parties of the environs, but I never want to let Eric alone with mom.

"Oh. Not such a partier then huh?"

"Not really, no."

"Well, me neither," he smiles and stands up to put the glasses away. "Shall we... go upstairs for the presentation?" He asks as he rubs his neck. He looks like he fears that I'll say no.

"Good idea," I nod and stand up.

We walk up the stairs, and another stairs. I glance at some of the paintings we pass and then I see that one of them shows John staring at a branch in his hand. He looks cute there. I look to the painting and then back to John who's a few steps ahead.

"Yeah," he sighs as he sees me staring. "That's me."

I grin softly. "You haven't really changed."

"Should I take that as a compliment?"

I shrug and catch up with him. "It's not a bad portrayal."

He smirks at that and then we're – finally – upstairs. Oh shit. I forgot my bag. "Ah, John... My bag is still in the kitchen."

"I'll get it. It's this room." He opens the door a little and then runs back down.

Here I am, in front of John Carter's room. Carefully I open the door further and take one step on the darkblue carpet. In the middle of the room stands a two persons bed with light blue covers and dark blue pillows, on the right is a small sofa, and on the left stands his desk that is the only messy thing in here. Further it's all tidy and clean, so I check the soles of my shoes again before I walk to his desk.

It's covered with lots, lots of papers. 'Hamlet,' stands on top of a big map. I open it up and see pages and pages of scripts and the casting. Curious I look at it and recognize some names of classmates and then suddenly my own.

Surprised I sank down in his chair and check again if that small handwritten drabble really says 'Abby.' It really is a tiny little note above the typed 'Ophelia.'

Then the door swings open and Carter walks in. "Found my diary already?" He grins as he sees me with the papers in my hand.

"No, I'm sorry. My eye fell on 'Hamlet' so that's why. Sorry." I put it back on the desk and look at him as he sits down on the bed in front of me and hands me my bag.

"It's okay, no problem. You know Hamlet?"

I shake my head and begin to look in my bag for the work I prepared.

"It's a brilliant play."

I say nothing, trying to figure out if I want to know about the reason my name is standing there and hand him the papers.

I look to the ground as he looks through it, not showing any sign of that he might realize that I saw it. See, it's not a big deal, otherwise he would have acted more nervous. He probably already forgot that he wrote it down. But he did write it down. Above 'Ophelia.' The name does ring a bell but I really don't know who the character is.

"Who's Ophelia?" I ask out of nothing.

Distracted he looks up and almost drops the papers. "In Hamlet?"

I nod. His cheeks flush red. And since that's a sign that he probably does remember I feel my cheeks getting warm as well.

"She...She's the daughter of Polonius."

I nod, although the answer doesn't satisfy me. "Is she important in the play?" I ask hesitating.

"She is loved by Hamlet, but she'll never marry him."

"Why not?"

"Her father tells her to ignore Hamlet's romantic behaviour. Further she betrays him by spying on him for King Claudius. And... Well, there's a lot to say about the character."

"Okay," I mumble.

"She dies at the end. She gets mad from the grief of losing her father, and then drowns. It's sad, but beautiful."

I just nod, having absolutely no idea why I was right for the Ophelia part.

* * *

Did she see it? She did. Otherwise she wouldn't have asked about Ophelia. Great. And now she'll think that I wrote her name there 'cause she told me that her mother is crazy, but that has nothing to do with it.

She snaps me out of my thoughts by opening the biology book. She immediately starts about the possible mistakes she made, 'cause she doesn't understand something about the RNA, and before I know it the whole weird tension is gone and we're working. Hard. To my surprise I have to admit. She seemed so easy about it, by not showing up in class etcetera, but that was about her mother I guess, because right now she writes a lot of things down and glances over my work at the same time.

Not knowing what to do myself I read her pages again. They're good. Her story is clarifying and I'm sure the class will exactly understand what we're talking about. Thirty minutes later she drops her pen and gives me a relieved smile. "This should be it," she says and hands me two pages full of notes and things. "That's what we have to say so our stories unite better. It will make them think that we wrote it together. By the way, I'll introduce if you don't mind."

Impressed I look at the pages. She's right, it's a good bridging to both our parts. "Wow. Okay...Want to rehearse?"

"You mean the whole presentation?"

"Just to see how things go. You present to me and viceversa."

She seems a little reluctant about my offer and grins shyly. "You start."

"I thought you just said that you'll introduce the whole thing," I ask playfully and push the papers in her hand. "Don't worry, it's just me."

Oh, that sucks. Apparently that last sentence worked on her nerves because she giggles somewhat insecure but does stand up. "Okay. Well..."  
She pulls her hair behind her ear and glances over the papers before she smiles at me and begins to talk. "We're going to tell you how DNA and RNA works and what the difference is between them, and how they work together. John will explain to us..."

She keeps talking, and with every word she seems to feel more and more relaxed. I can't take my eyes off her as she talks to I guess the wall. I still don't understand that I never really noticed her before. I'm not exactly sure if she likes me or that she just pretends for the sake of the presentation but well, Ophelia was loved by Hamlet.

"John? Did you listen?"

Oh. "Yeah. Yeah I did. It was good."

"You didn't listen," she smirks as she plops down on the bed besides me.

"I was," I say, trying to sound a bit convincing but she doesn't buy it.

"I know it's boring." She leans back and supports her body with her elbows. "Your turn."

I groan and grab my papers from the desk. "What does RNA? There are three sorts..."

* * *

I'm not listening. I knew he wasn't during my part, and I can't concentrate either. Geez this is boring. But it is fun to watch John. He scratches the back of his head and looks at me everytime he doesn't exactly know what to say and that's cute. I give him some reassuring smiles but after a while my mind really seems to drift off and I decide that it's enough. It's stupid to present in front of one person and I know Carter can do it in front of the class. As a protest I fall back on the matrass and rub with my hands over my face. "I feel for our classmates," I moan.

I hear him grin. "Same here. So, we're done?"

"I guess..."

"I think Watkins will like this."

"I hope so." At the sound of Watkin's name I immediately think about the stupid move from my side a couple days ago by telling him that I wanted another partner. I shouldn't have. Probably Carter is thinking about that as well 'cause suddenly it's awfully quiet.

"He'll believe that we're a team."

I sit up and for a second we look straight in each other's eyes. "He will," I just say and nervously smoothen the covers.

It's exactly then when the evening sun breaks through and shines through the big window above his bed. "Wanna get something to eat?"

* * *

She nods and in silence we stand up and walk downstairs, still silent. It's when we're back in the kitchen when the silence is interrupted by... Gamma. Who's standing behind the stove. "Are you making dinner?" I ask surprised as I walk over to her and glance down at the pan. Soup. 

"Well, you told Jeanette that you'd do it yourself for you and your friend, but since it's really time to eat I thought you might like it."

"It smells delicious," Abby says from the doorway.

"Oh dear, thank you. Well John, don't you think you should introduce me to your friend?"

A little clumsy I sign Abby to come closer and she does. "I'm Abby Wyczenski, John and I are together in biological class and we're working on a presentation."

Gamma smiles and shakes her hand. "I'm Millicent Carter, John's grandmother."

I sigh, relieved that they seem to get along for now and walk to the cupboards to get us three bowls and put them on the table.

Dinner is far more relaxed than I expected. Of course, Gamma wouldn't be Gamma as she wouldn't pop some questions at Abby every once in a while about what she likes to do, what she thinks of the house, but Abby gives each of them a clear and impeccable answer.

"And do you play any sport?" Oh, another one.

Abby swallows her soup and then shakes her head. "Right now I don't."

"What a shame! John wrestles, he's very good, aren't you John?"

I just shrug, completely uncomfortable by that compliment and give Abby an apologizing smile.

"So why don't you do sport?"

"Well, I played tennis for a year, and I like softball, but..." her cheeks flush red and she gives me a look that I don't completely understand. What I do understand is that she wants to change the subject, but she doesn't say anything and neither does Gamma.

Abby pulls her hair behind her ear and shrugs towards my Gamma. "We can't really... afford it."

I almost choke in my soup, completely floored by that. That's not just something to tell my grandmother. Abby's whole face is red now and awaitingly I look to my right side, where Gamma is sitting. She just dabs her mouth with her serviette and nods.

Abby chews on her lip and stares in her bowl.

"I never played in a team," Gamma suddenly says and smiles. "It was too serious for me, too strict. It's more fun to play just with friends occasionaly, don't you think?"

I sigh relieved and look at Abby who smiles gratefully. "Yes, I think so."

We sit there for another ten minutes, and Abby explains to Gamma about the presentation. I can see at the way Gamma behaves that she likes her, and that she respects her, even though she's not from the 'right' family.

* * *

"Well, it was very nice to meet you Abby," John's grandmother says as she stands up and shakes my hand.

"It was, and thank you for the soup, it was delicious," I answer and smile politely.

"John, if you need me, I'm in the livingroom. Your father will be home tomorrow."

John just nods somewhat absent as he puts away the bowls. Then she leaves the kitchen.

"She likes you," John grins.

"She's a sweet woman," I answer, still a little uncomfortable after the sports question.

"Yeah, she is. Wanna go see the garden? It's beautiful now, in the twilight."

I smile, knowing that's not just an offer. The idea was that we'd only prepare the presentations, and now he asks this, and I know that if I say yes, I'll show him that I do like him, and maybe I already did. "I'd like to," I say honestly.

He just smiles and we walk to the other side of the kitchen where the big garden doors are. He pushes them open and then we're standing on a big terrace.

"Wow," I gasp.

"Yeah, I know. It's the best part of the house."

I nod grinning and then I notice the pool that is surrounded by several big trees. "You guys have a pool!" I ask stunned as I walk downhill to it.

"Yep. Water is heated even."

"You got to be kiddin' me."

"Nope. Feel for yourself."

This is ridiculous. I kneel down in front of the pool and dip my hand in the water. Geez, he's right. It looks beautiful.

He sits down besides me and pulls off his shoes. I raise my eyebrows and observe him as he dips his feet in the water. He smiles as he sees the anxious look on my face. "No, I won't swim."

I laugh somewhat nervous and look over the rest of the garden. The view is beautiful. I look back at Carter, who's vacantly staring at the garden as well. He looks a little worried.

"You're okay?" I ask and put off my shoes as well. What the heck, it's just bare feet and the water is nice and warm.

"I'm fine. Just that my father is coming back."

"Is that good or bad?" I asks as I put my feet under water as well.

"Both."

"Okay."

"It's just that my grandmother... I like to have her around, and she'll go back when dad comes. It's much harder without her. She always backs me up, if they blame me for acting unaffected about Bobby's room, that kind of stuff."

"They want to keep it intact?"

"My mother wants to," he laughs scornful. "It's been like that for a year. It's just freaky. She even changes the sheets every once in awhile."

I nod and dangle with my feet in the water. "Maybe she's still grieving."

"Of course she is. But it's been a year."

I decide not to answer that. I understand him and I realize that this isn't the moment to tell him that his mother has a hard time as well. He knows that.

Then he stands up and shakes the water off his feet. "Wanna see the rest of this?" He points over the water to the rest of the garden.

"Sure."

He pulls me up and I look at his bare feet. "You're not wearing your shoes?"

"Nah, the grass is soft."

I overthink my options but decide to walk without shoes as well. "How's your father?" He asks me as we walk over the sloping hills, that are every couple of feet enlightened by small lampposts.

"He left when I was seven," I answer.

"Oh. Do you remember him?"

"I guess. He used to play with me in the garden, but he fought a lot with my mom. He couldn't really... live with her." I give him a smile, to show him that I don't really mind.

"You're not angry about that?"

I shrug. "I understand his reasons."

He smiles uncomfortable. Then there's silence. I look at the flower beds we pass, and after a while I feel like we're out of the real garden and are now more in the woods that surround the enormous grassfield.

"Where are you taking me?" I chuckle as I don't see any lamppost in front of me.

"Just wait and see."

"Okay. It's just a little dark here."

"I know. Shh. You have to be silent now."

What the heck? I follow his silhouette for another five minutes and then suddenly we're standing at the edge of a big open grassfield with a big lake in the middle.

"Wow..." I gasp.

"If we're lucky," he whispers and kneels down in the grass. "We might see a deer."

"Really!"

"Shh," he chuckles and pulls at my jeans to get me down as well. "Hold your breath, I saw something there."

My heart beats in my chest. It's a little scary, since it's completely dark around us and the only light we have is from the reflection of the moon in the lake. Nothing much happens, but I don't dare to say something.

Suddenly I hear a rustle behind me. Startled I turn around and then loose my balance. "Shit. Sorry! I heard something."

He laughs and pulls me up. "Shut up. That was nothing."

"I swear to you it was." I struggle up but now step on a branch. Again I fall.

He grins and wraps an arm around my back. "Now stop moving."

My heart skips a beat as I feel his touch but I don't say anything. And then all of a sudden, the silhouette of a beautiful animal appears at the lake. It looks around, and then starts to drink.

I hear Carter smile. "See..." he whispers.

"...Yeah," I whisper back and lean my head on my shoulder. "Crazy that you live among all this."

He doesn't answer that, probably just to stay quiet. I keep staring at the deer, instantly forgetting everything that bothered me for the past few days, but when it turns around and disappears back in the woods I realize it's probably getting late.

"John? I think I should go," I try and turn my head to his silhouette.

He looks back at me, and since he still has his arm wrapped around my back, we're suddenly awfully close. "Okay," he just whispers and lets his hand slip off me.

A little clumsy I stand up and we begin to walk back. "You need to pick Eric up?" He asks when we're back in the garden again.

"Yeah, he's at a friend's house, I can't let him stay there the whole night."

"Okay." No further questions this time, and it's for the first time that I probably would have... liked it. To talk about my mother. It's just not easy to cope with it all by yourself. On the other hand, that would make me far too vulnerable.

"Well, I had a great time tonight," John suddenly says, while staring at the ground.

"Me too," I answer softly and feel my cheeks getting red for the what, third time today.

At that he looks up to me and smiles. I expect him to say something poetrical or some wise quote but it's none of that. "You should get your shoes."

"Yeah," I nod. "I should."

* * *

My heart is beating in my chest like a maniac, and I don't even know why. Because of that 'me too'? That almost unintelligible 'me too'? Yeah. That and the sweet smile with the blushing cheeks as she sits down at the pool to get her shoes.

After that we just walk back in the house and she waits for me in the hall as I walk to the garderobe. It's when I hold her coat in my hands when I realize that this probably is the last time I'll see her around here. Tomorrow after the presentation it's done with the forced meet-ups, 'cause that is what this is to her. Although tonight was a little different, she seemed more relaxed. So maybe this wasn't that forced after all.

I walk back to the hall where Abby is still waiting. Without saying anything she puts on her coat and I open the door for her. She steps outside but doesn't walk down the steps yet. She looks at me. I look back.

"Guess I see you tomorrow then," she says.

"Yeah," I sigh. "Yeah, tomorrow."

She nods and then walks down the steps to the sidewalk. Just when I want to close the door she turns around. "Bye Hamlet."

She smiles, pulls her hair behind her ear and quickens her step, and then she disappears in the dark.

I close the frontdoor and look up to the chandelier. "Bye Ophelia," I say more out loud than I meant to.

It's when I look up when I notice Gamma at the top of the stairs.

"I like that girl," she speaks and gives me a genuine smile.

I grin a little embarrassed. "Yeah, me too."

* * *

**Thanks you for reading!  
**

_(Preview for next chapter: It's presentation day, but where's Abby?)  
_

**Please let me know what you think, I really appreciate it! Thank you.**


	7. Please, Lean On Me

_**A/N: **I know it's been a month. I know. And I had this chapter already done for the first 1500 words, but the second half just didn't seem right. So I changed it, changed it again, switched to a different POV and this is the final result... Enjoy!  
**Disclaimer:** Officialy the characters are NBC's. But what the heck, this is my younger version.  
**Warning:** I'm **not a native English speaker**, I'm Dutch, I do the best I can!  
**Reviews:** I was completely floored by the fifteen reviews I received! Lovely! Keep them coming, they absolutely make my day!  
**Extra:** To everyone who is interest in my first fic 'Have A Little Faith In Me', I'm going to delete that one soon, because I'm just too embarresed about it. So, if you still want to read it – don't – than you won't have much more time!

* * *

_

**  
The Young Troubled  
**

_Chapter 7 – Please, Lean On Me  
_

_------_

**------ School – 09:20**

I'm standing in the hallway, nervously waiting for Mr. Watkins to open the classroom. Dad came back this morning, but he was asleep when I left to school, so we haven't really had the chance to talk yet.

"Good morning John," Mr. Watkins says cheerful as he approaches me through the hallway. "Everything ready and prepared?"

"Yes," I say back with a smile and wait for him to open the door of the, yet still empty, classroom.

"That's good. What time is it now? Ah, another ten minutes." He sits down at his desk and I sit down at one of the tables in the front row to go through the pages once again.

"Did everything work out with you and Abby?" He asks without looking up from the tests he's correcting.

"Yeah, I think so," I answer a little absent ad look at the clock. 09:23. Come on Abby...

"Well, I'm glad to hear that." With that he stands up and walks to the back of the classroom. "You two can go stand behind my desk, I'll listen from here."

"Sure..." I get up as well and begin to organize the papers in the right rank as the first students begin to walk in.

It's almost 09:30 when practically everyone is already inside. Everyone but Abby, and people begin to notice. I'm getting really nervous now, I can't do this alone. I don't know her parts, I don't even have them with me. And she'd introduce. Oh crap.

Nervously I bite my lip and look at Watkins who shrugs but then walks back to me. "Do you have any idea where she might be?" He asks softly.

"No, not really. Maybe she's sick again," I try but that's really not what I'm thinking.

"Or is she mad at you for something else?"

"No," I stutter. "No, no I don't think so." Is that what's going on? What if she doesn't want to come? What if this is her pay back for the stupid things I said that first time? No, that can't be possible, she wouldn't do that. Would she?

"Hm. Okay." He turns around to the class. "People, we'll wait another five minutes for Abby, and otherwise John may do his own part, and we'll hear Abby's another time." He turns around for my confirmation. I nod weakly.

"You'll be alright," he says to me and then walks to an empty table close to the door.

Now I'm really getting nervous. I have to this on my own now? It's not like I never did that before but I really thought that I'd do this with Abby. What if something is wrong with her? Or with Eric?

Five uncomfortable minutes of flipping through my pages for the twentiest time later, Watkins coughs and stands up. "Okay, John, it's up to you."

I swallow and rub my neck. She can't be serious. God Abby, you could have called me or the school. This is stupid, and unfair. "We...," I start. "I," I correct myself. "Will tell you what the difference between DNA and RNA is, and what these do in your body."

I quickly look up to Waktins, who nods encouraging.

"Now Abby is not here I'll have to skip some parts, but I'll tell you what RNA does and what mutations in the DNA can cause." This doesn't make sense.

The class chuckles softly. I look at Michael, who seems one of the few that is actually paying attention. He offers me a friendly smile.

"Okay," I sigh. "RNA stands for Ribo Nucleic Acid and consists of covalently bound nucleotides. They contain ribose rings and uracil, unlike DNA, which contains deoxyribose and thymine. RNA serves as a the template for translation of genes into proteins, transferring amino acids to the ribosome to form proteins, and also translating the transcript into proteins..."

I continue like that for a while, trying to ignore the fact that Abby is just not here and that I'm standing here on my own, telling things that are not comprehensible if other things can't be explained. Abby's things.

Someone knocks at the door of the classroom.

Immediately all heads, including mine, stare at the door as Watkins opens it a little. "Yes?" He asks.

His facial expression changes from disturbed to worried, and then he opens the door further, what allows me to see who he's looking at.

Abby.

Abby, looking completely distracted as her eyes fly over the whole class and then lock in mine. As they always do. Normally I'd be blushing at that, but this time I don't. Because her brown eyes are teary, her face is stained with tears, and she looks just so, uncomfortable that I don't know how to react.

"I'm sorry," she says biting her lip.

My mouth felt open from the shock, she really looks broken. Truly broken. I look at Watkins, who looks at Abby. "Are you okay?" He asks softly.

She nods and swallows and then steps inside.

I want to walk over to her, ask her what's going on, but I don't, because the whole class is looking at her, and at me.

Abby walks over to where I'm standing and puts her bag down on the desk. "You want to do this?" I ask in an undertone, intensily hoping that the class isn't hearing me.

"Of course," she answers quietly as she gets the papers out of her bag and coughs shortly.

"Okay people, we're going to start again I think," Watkins speaks to the class and then walks back to the same table he was sitting on in the beginning.

I look at Abby, who takes a deep breath and pulls her hair behind her ear. Then she looks up from her papers, right to the class, and begins to talk.

Her voice is shivering, her hands are trembling but she's talking, she _is_ presenting, and I don't know what is wrong, but it affected her very, very intensively.

I bite my lip as I continue to listen to her introduction, just like I did yesterday. But it breaks my heart to hear her speak like this, with such an incredibly hurt and trembling voice, that everyone feels that something isn't okay. Not okay at all.

"This was our presentation, are there any questions?" I ask as soon as Abby finished her last part with a lot of difficulty.

Several classmates just shake their head and glance at their watch. So do I, we filled the thirty minutes perfectly.

Watkins begins to applaud and soon the class follows. "Perfect!" He smiles and stands up.

I look at Abby, who offers me a faint smile.

"Very, very well done you two. It was clear, interesting; an example for everybody in this class."

My eyes widen at that compliment and Abby grins a bit cynical.

"I'll give you your final grade in a week, after I saw some other presentations, alright?"

Then the bell rings and within seconds the classroom is empty again. "I'd like to keep your notes to observe." Watkins says as he's about to leave the room. "And please close the door after your done and hand the key to de janitor."

Abby nods and turns her back to the blackboard, starting to wipe our small drafts off that served as explanation.

I sort out the papers that should go to Watkins and to myself, and when I'm done Abby is just rinsing out the sponge.

I look at her, thinking of what to say, because I really hope she'll talk to me. But when she's done, she swings her bag over her shoulder and walks out the door without saying a word. Just like that.

Is she really gonna leave right now?

"Hey, Abby?" I say grabbing my bag and lock the door behind me.

She doesn't answer me, and quickens her step through the hallway.

"Abby, what's wrong?"

She shakes her head while she binds her hair together with an elastic.

Just when she's about to walk down the stairs I catch up with her and grab her shoulder, making her turn around. She looks at me, bewildered, scared, but most of all angry.

"Could you just leave me alone?"

I let go and stand there, at the top of the stairs, as she quickly walks down. No. I'm not gonna her let her leave like this. Besides the fact that I'm worried, I deserve a little explanation for her turning up so late.

I run down the stairs and find her at her locker, just putting on her coat. I go standing in front of her, close to her.

"You come in, late, practically crying, and you expect me to leave you alone?"

She sighs and zips up her coat. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being there on time, but I can't talk to you right now. I have to go home." She pushes me away and walks to the entrance doors of the school.

I sigh and stare at her until she turns the corner. I could run after her, stop her, talk to her, but I won't. She was clear enough, she doesn't want my help. She never did. Done with the presentation, done with John. That's her theory.

Pissed off I walk back in school and hand the key to the janitor. History class in five minutes.

******------ Carter's neigborhood – 20:20  
**

Eleven hours later, when the bright blue sky begins to turn into gloaming, I'm still strolling through the city, given up my instinctive search. I'm not sure where I'm going, I'm just following my footsteps, walking down the fancy neighborhood. Carter's neighborhood. And I know I shouldn't be going there. Hell, I walked away from him this morning. He asked me what's wrong, I didn't answer. Didn't _want_ to answer, and in a way couldn't answer. Couldn't give up my pride.

But there's no pride anymore. I tried everything, went to people I never talked to before, people who ignore me, or Maggie, or Eric as we pass them in the mall, who quickly look away. But today I faced all of them, asked them if they had seen them. But they hadn't, and neither did I.

Neither did I, and that's probably what hurts the most. I'm blaming myself for this. I should have woken up earlier this morning, and I should have made clear to him that he should never, ever go with Maggie, even though he wouldn't understand. But I never said that, because I figured he understood that after that night when she screamed and yelled in his face. But it didn't take away his love, or trust, in mom.

It didn't, and I understand why. Of course I understand why, she's his mother. My mother. And when she tells him to go to who knows where, he'll go with her. He'll keep believing in some better place, with food and toys and money. But I don't know if they're at a better place, or if they are at a so called 'place' at all. What if they're in some sort of bus stop, what if Maggie dragged him in a plane, like when we went to Disneyland?

What if she convinced him that I'm 'just' his sister, and that she's his mother, and that she knows what's right or wrong?

Eric doesn't know. Eric is little, Eric believes her. And I have no idea where he is.

"Can I help you?"

Startled I look up by the low voice of the brown haired man standing in front of me. Oh, God, I rang the doorbell.

"I was looking for John Carter, but if he's not here..."

"No, he's home. And you are?"

"Abby. Abby Wyczenski." My voice is still thick with tears, and his father notices.

"Are you alright?" The man steps closer.

"Yes." I quickly look up and fake a smile. "I'm fine."

"Do you want to come in?"

I shake my head.

"Okay. Okay, I'll get him for you."

I open my mouth to protest, it was a bad idea. And it's not even an idea. Just... what? My intuition? Or my despair maybe.

I hear steps in the hallway, and I know they're his. Uncomfortably I look down and focus on the ground, desperately trying to think of how to act.

"Abby?"

I swallow, not daring to look up, and cross my arms against my chest.

"Are you okay?" The concern is genuine and honest. An honesty that I'm not used to.

I'm open my mouth to say 'I'm fine' for the twentiest time today, but I can't. I can't lie to him. I don't dare to shake my head either. I don't dare to break down. And I don't want to.

"Do you... want to come in?" His voice hesitates but he does step back, allowing me to step inside if I will.

But I won't. Or I shouldn't. With a little trepidation I shake my head. "I'm sorry," I manage to push over my lips and look further away as I see his eyes in the corner of mine. I shouldn't be here.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come." I shrug and take a step back.

Just when I'm about to turn around I feel his hand on my shoulder. Softer than this morning, friendly. "No, Abby, wait."

I wait and carefully look up to him. His eyes grow wide as he sees my face. I must look like hell, with red stains of tears all over my face.

"What happened?" He asks with such a soft eyes that I feel the new tears coming. Tears of relief. Relieved that someone asks, that someone really cares.

My eyes move restless around his face, and finally end in his.

Surrendered.

"Come on, come inside, get you something to drink."

I swallow and shrug again, pulling my hair behind my ear.

"Please?" His hand slides down to my back, softly pushing me back to the steps.

And without saying a word, I follow him to the big livingroom where I sit down in the farthest corner of the couch.

He looks at me for a while, still standing in the doorway. I don't look back.

"I'll be right back with some water."

I nod weakly and then he disappears back in the hall.  
Uncomfortable I stare over the room. Paintings, chinese vases, and through the antique glass sliding doors I see the enormous dining table and the matching chairs with white satin upholstery. Even now, when there are so many things going on in my mind, I'm still amazed by all this wealth.

I startle as John suddenly sits down besides me, handing me the glass.

"I'm really sorry," is the only thing I can think of to say.

"Stop that. It's okay."

"No, no it's not okay," I mumble, shaking my head as I clutch my hands around the glass.

"Then what's going on?"

I shrug, having absolutely no idea where to start. "Eric," is all I manage to say and then, to my own horror, my voice cracks. I look up to him, with the knowledge that there's a tear streaming down the corner of my eye, but I just can no longer hide.

"I lost him."

* * *

******  
Thanks you for reading!**

_(Preview for next chapter: She lost her brother, he wasn't there when she woke up. Dearest John offers his help, and a search in the night of the city begins...)_

******Please let me know what you think, I really appreciate it! Thank you.**


	8. I'll Count To Five

_**A/N: **__It's been three years, I know. But I'm back and I finished this chapter. I will start working on Against All Odds soon too. __  
__**Disclaimer:**__ Officially the characters are NBC's. But what the heck, this is my younger version and they never made that up now did they. No, sorry NBC. Your characters, your show. Not mine, not mine.  
__**Warning:**__ I'm __not a native English speaker__, sorry if I made any mistakes  
__**Reviews:**__ In "my time" a story was successful when you'd receive about 8 or more reviews per chapter. Apparently people don't review as much as they used to anymore. But shall we bring good times back? Yeah, let's do that. Give me some feedback!!!_

* * *

**The Young Troubled  
**

_Chapter 8 – I'll count to five_

_------_

**------ Carter's place – 20:50**

I watch her as she explains to me what had happened this morning.

"I woke up this morning, and then I walked to his room, but he wasn't there, so I thought he was in the shower, but no one was in the bathroom, and Maggie wasn't home either, and I didn't know where to go…." I can see her fighting her tears. "…So I checked out school, and his friends, but I couldn't leave you alone at school, and then I searched further, I checked all of his friends, and Gina, and the basketball field, but he really is gone, and I just… I just don't want him to get hurt."

Eric is gone. And Maggie, but that's not my biggest sorrow. Eric is gone. Her brother, her little brother of whom she takes such good care, and they don't deserve this. They don't deserve this life in which everything just seems to be so hard. I've been staring at her since she started talking about everywhere she checked. Although she's been looking away from me the whole time, she can't manage to hide her emotions from me anymore. I don't think she cares anymore anyway. I mean, here she is. Sitting on our couch, desperate.

"Everything okay in here?" I hear my fathers voice. I look up. "Yes dad, we're fine. Thanks."

"Abby, is there anything we can do for you?" He asks anyway and takes a step in the room.

She shakes her head, looking up at him through her messy hair. "No thanks mister Carter." Her voice cracks, he heard it.

He looks back at me, I find his gaze. "I'm upstairs," he just says.

"Thanks dad," I smile. He nods and turns around, back to the hallway.

As soon as I hear him heading up the stairs I speak. "I'll go with you. Finding him."

She nods slowly, still not attempting to look at me.

"We have time, it's just eight thirty. We can search for at least three hours before my father would start to get worried. We'll take the bus to your place. There's one going to your neighborhood not far from here. I'll pay, come on."

Suddenly she looks up, all teary-eyed. "And look where?"

I shrug. "Everywhere," is the best I can come up with.

She rolls her eyes. "I _need_ to find him."

I nod. "We will."

**------ Abby's neighborhood – 20:50**

I'm sitting in front of Abby in the bus that's, aside from us and the old man in the back, empty. I watch her as her eyes move restlessly along the shadows in the darkness outside that we pass through the window. She's been practically quiet after I told her we'll find him.

I suggested to check her own house again before we start thinking of something else to do. She just shrugged, and gave in. I realize that she had no other options than going to my place, and that I literally am her last hope, but I think I'm just as insecure as she is. I really have no idea what to do. I don't know her mother, I have no idea what to expect when we find them. _If_ we find them. I only know that she's mentally instable, or, as Abby puts it 'crazy,' but that's all. And I know that Eric is the sweetest boy that wouldn't do anyone any harm. And most of all, I know that Abby loves them. Both.

Abby's still staring at the window when she suddenly frowns and gives me a quick glance.

"I just really don't think they're home."

I think of a right way to answer that, but unfortunately, I can only agree on that statement. Because if her mother really is in such a labile condition, chances are slim that they're actually home now. Still, I just want to make sure.

"Is there no other place where she might... stay? A friend maybe?" I finally say back, in an hopeless effort to think of anything Abby didn't think of in all those hours of searching.

A mirthless laugh is what she gives me as an answer. "_Friends?_ No." She averts her eyes from the window and looks at me. "My mother doesn't have friends." She gives me a weak smile and turns back to the window.

"What about that woman from across the street," I try.

"Gina?"

I nod. She doesn't bother to look at me.

"She's visiting her sister this week."

Defeated I nod again and begin to look out of the window myself, not knowing what else to do. Several minutes pass, but then Abby suddenly breaks the silence.

"Maybe she planned all this. Now Gina's not here to check on her."

I frown and she shrugs, raising her eyebrows as an answer.

"It makes sense," she mumbles as she looks away again.

"I don't think you should reason that way."

"We're talking about my mother here. There's no proper way to reason."

I swallow uncomfortable, when I realize that Abby may be right. What if she really took off? Still, maybe they're just home. Maybe Abby's just so desperate that she can't think straight anymore.

"We're here." Abby states and stands up. We walk to the doors at the front of the bus and wait for them to open.

"Have a nice evening," the driver mumbles before we step out.

"Thank you," I say back but Abby's already out on the street, walking quickly towards her house.

I get out and catch up with her, but just when I'm about to walk next to her she stops her steps. She averts her gaze from the ground to the house that's still about six hundred feet in front of us. Then I get why she stops. It's their house, and the lights are off.

They're not home.

Panic takes over me. What are we going to do now?

I sigh deeply and carefully look at Abby, but when I'm about to ask her what she wants to do, she all of a sudden resumes her steps. Surprised I follow.

As soon as we're in the house Abby presses on the light switch but nothing happens.

"Maybe the power is down again," she tells me as she opens the door of the living room.

"So maybe the darkness doesn't mean anything?"

She shakes her head as we walk in the living room. "It's just too quiet..."

I wait for her to move, to go look upstairs or something, but she just stands there.

"Ms. Wyczenski?" I ask carefully.

Nothing.

"Eric?" Abby says into the darkness. In the corner of my eye I see her closing her eyes as the thick silence doesn't change.

With bowed head she walks to the stairs. "Eric? Are you upstairs?"

Silence.

"Eric, please." Her voice cracks, and that vulnerability scares me so that I nervously clear my throat. Immediately she looks at me. "Could you... could you check if he's outside? Playing at the basketball field..?"

I want to answer that I don't think he'll be there, but I don't, and turn around to get outside.

I walk down the whole street, keeping my eyes open for any sign of Eric, but it's just as silent here as it is in Abby's house. I check the baseball field, but see nothing but a couple of teenagers. I decide to turn around and walk the same way back, now also checking all the houses where people are sitting in their living room, watching TV. But Eric is none of them. As I approach the house once again, I notice Abby sitting outside, against the front door.

I shake my head as she looks up to me. "I'm sorry," I whisper and stay standing in front of her.

She nods slowly and buries her hands in the pocket of a big grey vest she probably just took with her. "I even checked under the beds." Once again she turns her face away from me. "Stupid huh."

I don't say anything, but just kneel down in front of her and softly rub her shoulder. She looks at me at my touch, so I pull back, afraid that I might have done something inappropriate.

"I don't know what to do," she says softly as she stares to the ground.

I move over and sit down next to her against the front door. I don't know what to do either.

* * *

Here I am, sitting against the door of our house, feeling small and useless. I couldn't protect him. I couldn't take care of him, I… I take a deep breath and look around the street. There's nothing her. Eric isn't here, mom isn't here. We're going have to try something else. "I need to go find him. They're not here, not even close."

"Well, how far can they have gone in a day?" He asks.

How far? God, they could just be flying to New York right now. Or maybe they're in a touring car to Las Vegas, who knows. I don't answer him and just raise my eyebrows cynically.

"Far." He nods understanding and looks around. He shouldn't be here. I'll have to go to one of those bars where Maggie picks up all these men she takes home every once in a while. It's not exactly a Carter neighborhood. I wouldn't be surprised if John doesn't even know those places actually exist. He should go home, back to his Chinese vases and his heated pool.

"Look, John, you don't have to do this," I try carefully, knowing it will not be easy to make him go.

He smiles. "You won't be able to get rid of me," he smirks.

"Right," I say and nod slowly. I like him. I like him a lot. But still.. "Look, I've got to go now. And you don't need to go."

All of a sudden he gets up. Is he agitated?

"Look Abby. I'm going with you. You didn't walk all the way to my place for nothing. I don't worry about you and Eric for nothing. And, and I like you. So, yes, I do need to go."

Wow. I feel my cheeks getting hot. He's blushing too. He offers me his hand to get up. I take it.

**------ City centre – 22:00**

We've been walking around these streets for more than an hour by now. Again, Abby has been silent most of the time. Her steps are decisive, she must know where she's going. "Some bar," was her explanation. I wonder what kind of bar she means. I'm fearing the worst to be honest, but I've followed her without complaining.

And what is there to complain about? We're trying to find Eric, and I'm with her. Her hair waves around her face as she walks. She has beautiful eyes, scanning every square meter of the streets we pass. What will happen when everything is okay again? When Eric is in bed, when Maggie is somewhere safe… What will happen? I would like to kiss her. I would like to cup her face in my hands, tell her everything is all right now. Hug her, feel her, whisper sweet words in her face. And she would smile. She would smile, shyly and carefully. But she would. I would nuzzle my nose in her hair…

Suddenly she stops in her step and immediately I'm back in the real world. We're standing in front of a brown café. Except for some men looking like truck drivers there's not much going on. What does she want from this place?

"I know that guy," she explains and points to the man behind the bar. "He came home with Maggie one night, it's months ago, but maybe he knows. She goes here a lot. There are always coasters of this place in her bag. You don't want to know how many phone numbers she has managed to collect over the years."

"Do you want to go in?" I ask hesitantly. We're not allowed here.

She shrugs. "You expect me to talk through the window?" Confidently she opens the door and walks in. I follow.

"Well well well," the man says while observing us slowly. "What brings you kids here?"

"You're Bob, right?" She asks confidently.

"And who are you?" He smirks and walks over to the other guests, handing them their beers.

"I'm Maggie's daughter. And I don't know where she is. Do you have any idea?"

The men start laughing. "A daughter looking for her mother? Isn't that an interesting story."

"Where is she?" She just replies.

"Look kid," the guy says and walks back to us. "Don't be a fool and go home. Your mother can take perfect care of herself. And of others, ha ha." I see Abby turning red.

"She can't," I interrupt. "Okay? That's the whole problem. She can't take care of herself. She's mentally instable."

"Mentally instable?" The guy starts laughing again. "She didn't seem that _instable_ to me mister." All the men burst out in loud, drunken laughter.

"Shut up!" Abby says annoyed and turns to me. "This is stupid."

"Let me do this," I whisper. "Has she been here last night? Or this evening?" I ask seriously.

"Oh yeah, she's been here. Went with some guy, last night yes. Are you the police or what kid?"

"Did she have a little boy with her?" I continue, ignoring the laughter that starts once again.

"A little boy? No of course not. Jack, did you see a boy last night around here?"

Apparently Jack is one of the men in the back. "Now you mention it, I've seen a kid hanging in front of the window. Brown hair, about what, ten years old?"

That's him. "Where are they now?" Abby asks.

"She left with Greg, but that was last night. He lives right around the corner. 125 if I'm correct."

I knew we could to this. "Thank you," I say. I look at Abby. She doesn't look as relieved as I expected her to. She mutters a soft thank you and walks out with me.

"Just as hot as that mother of yours," we hear just before we leave.

"Basterds," I reply and look at Abby. She doesn't seem to care and is already on her way to the corner of the street.

"We're going to find him Abby, I'm sure they're still here," I say as I catch up with her.

"I don't think so. That was last night. Who says she isn't with some other guy? Who says she took Eric? She's not on her meds John. And if she's there, who says Eric is too?"

I can't imagine her abandoning her son in the middle of the night. Would she really be capable of doing that to her own children? More and more it hits me how miserable Abby's situation is.

When we reach number 125 we stop. "Maybe we should call the police Abby. I don't know if we should go in there…"

"No." She turns to me. "No police. Don't you understand? They'll pull us apart. I don't want that, ok? No police." Her eyes lock in mine. "I understand."

We walk up the stairs that lead to the front door. I knock on the door. Nothing happens. I knock again. Still nothing. I see Abby closes her eyes, probably praying for someone to open. I knock once more. "Anyone in here?" I shout.

Abby shakes her head. "Never mind John." She turns around and walks down the stairs. "HELLO?!" I shout again, not planning to give up so fast. And then I hear movement from the other side of the door. Someone is in there, I knew it. Then the door opens just a little bit.

"Abby, come back," I say as I try to focus on the darkness behind.

"What do you want?" A heavy male voice appears from the dark. "I'm looking for Maggie and her son."

"What do you want with her?" He knows her. She's here. Eric's here. Relieved I look at Abby who's standing behind me once again.

"Nothing. I need Eric," Abby answers.

"Look, kid. I don't know what you're looking for, but Maggie is sleeping in my bed. And that boy, I think he left. Sorry, but he's not my responsibility. He's not here."

"Can I please just check?"

He sighs deeply. "What are you, his sister?" Abby nods. The guy opens the door further and switches on the light.

I see a small hallway with a few doors. One is open. "Can we come in?" I ask.

"Whatever," He answers and walks ahead of us. "Just close the door when you're finished. I'm going back to bed," he says annoyed as he's in the doorstep of the room.

"Yes," I answer. I realize this is not about Maggie anymore at all. This is only about Eric.

Abby is already opening doors. "Eric? Eric? Are you here?" She speaks softly. "It's me, don't be afraid. Nothing is going to happen. I brought John, you remember him? I'm here to take you home. Eric?"

No response.

"Maybe he did leave?" I say sadly. She shakes her head. "No. Eric would be to afraid. He doesn't walk away. He never does. He just locks himself in the bathroom, and that's even only when I tell him too."

We look at each other, thinking the same thing. The bathroom. We walk passed the bedroom door and there it is. A door with a lock, that must be it. I try the door, but it's closed.

"Eric?" I say carefully and knock on the door. "It's me, John. Abby is here. You can come out now."

Nothing.

"Let me do it," Abby says and walks over to the door. "Eric? Eric it's me. You're such a brave little boy. You did well Eric, really. You took good care of yourself. But you're safe now. Really, I swear. Just unlock the door okay? No one else is here. Just me and John. Do you understand?" She waits a few seconds, thinking. "Okay, I'll count to five… and at five, you open the door okay? I'll take you home. Is that okay Eric? Count with me Eric. One… two….three…"

We both stare at the little switch that still is red. "Four…" Abby speaks softly, not losing hope. "Five…"

And then it turns white. Immediately I see a tear streaming down her cheek. "I'll open up now Eric." She lays her hand around the door handle and opens the door gently.

She steps in the dark room. I wait outside in the hallway.

"Good boy," I hear her crying. "Good boy Eric. You're safe now." Her voice is so full of love. I don't see them, the bathroom is still dark. But I can hear that she smiles through her tears.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes, relieved he's here. We found him. Eric is okay, Abby is okay… We're okay. We're okay.

* * *

**Thanks you for reading!**

_(Preview for next chapter: __John thinks they're okay. But are they? Now Eric's back, there's room for different things. He wants to be close to her, but is that mutual? And does John still want all of that as he finds out Abby has her own secret way of coping with her family that will destroy her in the end?)_

**Please let me know what you think, I really **_**really**_** appreciate it! Thank you.**


	9. About Armors And Fences

_**A/N: **__I know what you're thinking: High School fics are stupid, sad and don't work. This one does though.  
__**Disclaimer:**__ Officially the characters are NBC's. But what the heck, this is my younger version and they never made that up now did they. No, sorry NBC. Your characters, your show. Not mine, not mine.  
__**Warning:**__ I'm __not a native English speaker__, sorry if I made any mistakes  
__**Reviews:**__ In "my time" a story was successful when you'd receive about 8 or more reviews per chapter. Luckily I still receive great reviews, but I always want more… __  
__**This chapter:**__ It might start of without conversation, but it sure as hell ends with it! So be sure to read through the whole thing! At one point there's once again Eric POV. Just mentioning it so you won't get confused._

**The Young Troubled  
**

_Chapter 9 – About Armors and Fences_

_------_

**------ Abby's place – 01:00**

When I woke up this morning, Eric was still in a deep sleep. He was worn out after being in that bathroom for I don't know how long. Of course, mom didn't come home. Now it's about 24 hours later since I found Eric back. It's Saturday night, or Sunday morning, 1 o'clock. Eric had been playing around with the Martins all day and I hadn't been up to much.

I've been trying to sleep for the last hour but there are so many thoughts going around in my mind that I just can't.

That guy who opened the door for us last night didn't look too trustful. I can't help but worry about mom. I try not to, I've tried not to for the past few years… but still it is a relieve when she returns home. I hope she will soon. Every once in a while, after she has disappeared for numerous days, she sometimes just starts all over again. Starts taking her medication, selling her cosmetics, doing groceries and laundry and actually taking care of Eric. I hope a period like that will begin soon. I need it. I need her to take care of Eric. It's not that I don't _want_ to go to school every day and go out, it's just that I can't because of him.

And then there's John. It's crazy how things turn out sometimes. Two weeks ago he came here to tell me about the presentation. Those two weeks have gone by quickly. I didn't like his attitude in the beginning, when he kept asking questions and saying he's worried. But that second week he changed, or my perspective changed. I let him in. Not just in our house, but I actually let down my guard for him. I didn't walk all the way to his house to tell about Eric for nothing. There's something about him that makes me want to be with him. He's always so calm and friendly, and I'm starting to believe he really doesn't judge me or my mother.

But now what? The presentation is over, biology class ends in a few months, and then there will be no justified excuse to be around him anymore. But do I want to? I don't know. Who says he wants to be with me? As friends or as more, I don't know, but he knows so many people… What is it that I bring to the table? Especially considering that extreme lifestyle of him and his parents, I don't think it makes any sense if I expect more from him. Still, he helped me. Still, he looks at me in a way that makes me believe he's the one to trust. But I don't want to trust anymore.

I get up from my bed, put on a sweater and walk downstairs to lit up a cigarette. I sank down in the couch and slowly inhale. I hate myself when I realize I wish he was here. Just sitting on the chair in front of me, listening to me. Giving me that look as if he wants to peel all the layers off in which I'm so heavily protected.

I don't want him to see what's behind that, I suddenly realize. I don't want him to fully get to know me. No.

I begin to smoke faster, barely enjoying the cigarette anymore and then I walk over to the cabinet in which I know I'll find some bottles of red wine. I open one of them up, pour it in a glass and sit back down on the couch.

I start to drink and feel it tingling down my throat. I let out a deep sigh. This is what really makes anything easier. I finish my cigarette, put it off on the coffee table and fill in another glass of wine. The rest of the night I keep drinking and smoking, thinking about nothing in particular until I finished the whole bottle.

I try to stand up, almost fall down but regain my balance. My head is throbbing and my heart is bouncing as I walk up the stairs, making my way to bed.

Finally I lay down on my back and stare at the ceiling. I'm drunk and I know it.

**------ Carter's place – 09:30**

I squint my eyes against the sunbeams that shine through my curtains and let out a big, long yawn. Abby is the first thought that comes to my mind.

I'm in love.

That just the way it is. I could describe everything I feel and everything I want but it is really very simple. God, I'm in love with her. I just can't stop thinking about her. Yesterday went by so incredibly slow. I was used to seeing her everyday for the past week and now she just wasn't around. I considered visiting her, but I didn't want to look too desperate so I decided not to.

Besides, dad had come home Friday afternoon and due to the whole Eric debacle we hadn't had much time to talk yet. Of course he asked me about Abby. Apparently mom had informed him extremely well. Luckily he wasn't all about protection, he was in fact interested. I told him about Eric, her mother and that well, she is a very good student and a very nice girl. What had happened exactly I didn't tell. I said she had had a fight with her mom and left it at that.

I get up to take a shower and then I walk downstairs where dad is already sitting at the table, drinking his coffee and reading the newspaper. "Good morning," he mumbles as he flips the page.

"Good morning," I respond and pour in some tea.

He closes the newspaper and gives me a frowning look.

"John, actually I was thinking of… visiting Bobby's grave today."

"Ok," I answer uncomfortable and restlessly put some extra butter on my croissant.

"You know mom can't deal with it, but I would like to bring some fresh flowers, tidy it up a bit, are you coming with me?"

I don't want to. I don't want to see the grave. I know I keep shouting to Gamma and mom that they should all just move on, but honestly I haven't. I can't go there, I don't want to be confronted and I have shed so many tears that I just don't want to feel that again.

"No," I just reply. I see the disappointment in his face.

"All right. You know you don't have to."

I shake my head. "Dad, you should go on your own. I don't feel like going there, I'm sorry."

He nods. "If you want to go there someday, you can tell me and I'll take you there."

"Yeah…" I sounded more uninterested than I meant, but I really hate talking about this so I quickly finish my breakfast to leave the table. "Thanks dad," I say before I head upstairs.

As I walk through the hall I pass Bobby's room. I stand in front of the door for a second, afraid to open it up. It's been awhile since I last saw it. For a moment I stand still in the doorway, not knowing where to walk, what to touch or where to sit down.

Finally I walk over the blue carpet and sit down on the corner of his bed. The room smells like hospital, or maybe that's just still in my head.

I look at his pillow. There he had spend the last few weeks, hooked up on a few IV's, giving him fluids and morfine to ease his pain. It had been so cruel to watch him. His door would always be open so everyone could keep an eye on him, and whenever I'd go to or leave my room, I'd see him laying there doing nothing.

I hoped for him he wouldn't live much longer, although I never expressed that wish. Dad did, one day in his study. I had heard him and mom talk about it. Mom had started crying, shouting… she flipped completely.

She was in denial back then, she practically still is now.

I wish I would have gotten to know him better. I miss him annoying me, I miss spending holidays with him, I miss throwing food over the table, freaking mom out as we a just missed some expensive painting.

He was my big older brother, behind whom I could always hide. He taught me everything, about the deers back in the yard, about sports and the human body. He was fascinated by it and he'd always tell me creepy stories about people cutting their own arm of to save themselves from drowning or something. When he was diagnosed the first time, he'd tell me about how the leukemia had come to existence, how it would ruin his body and so on. It just creeped me out but it was always fascinating and I always wanted to hear more. That's why I follow those biology classes. He made me become interested in medicine, in the human body. I want to know what I need to do to save someone. I wish I could have saved Bobby.

**------ Abby's place – 12:00**

"Hey Eric! Are you coming to play at the basketball field? We're doing a tournament!"

"Yeah cool," I shout back to George who called me from the end of the street. "I'll be right there!"

Excited I run up the stairs to tell Abby. Her bedroom door is still closed. I knock on her door. "Abby? Ab can I come in?"

She doesn't say anything, she must still be asleep. As quietly as possible I open up the door and tiptoe to her bed. I grab her hand and squeeze. "Abby wake up..."

I squeeze a little better. "Abby?" She moans, that's better.

"What?"

"Abby, I'm going to play basketball ok?"

"Sure," she mumbles.

I look at her. "Why don't you wake up?" I ask and sit down on the bed next to her.

"I'm up," she moans.

"You're not," I say.

"I'm getting up all right? Now go away." She sounds angry.

"Sorry." Puzzled I look at her face. Her lips look weird, dark red and she smells weird too. It's a dirty smell and I notice it more often now. It's the same smell that mom has around her sometimes.

"You smell weird," I say pissed off and then I get up to leave.

* * *

I fiercely squeeze my eyes shut and let out a deep yawn. 'He noticed,' is the first thing that comes to my mind. I sit up and yawn again. My head is throbbing like crazy.

I walk to the bathroom and step under the shower. I really don't feel good. I shouldn't have drunk all that wine on an empty stomach, I think when I realize I'm going to be sick. I manage to get myself under control until I've dried myself and put on some clothes, but then I'm sure I'm going to be sick and run to the toilet just on time to throw up. When it's all out I sit against the cold tiles of the bathroom wall.

This is bad. I promised myself not to do this ever again... I promised to be better...

Thirty minutes I later I walk downstairs and sank down on the couch. The empty bottle is still there. I turn on my side, turn on the television and watch it without really focussing. This is going to be a bad day.

Just when I begin to doze off in another sleep I hear someone knocking on the window. Probaby some friends of Eric. I close my eyes again and try to ignore them. But the knocking continues.

"Abby?" Oh shit.

Oh shit that's John. Bewildered I sit up and look straight into his eyes.

* * *

Two big brown eyes stare at me. Wow I scared her.

I give her a friendly smile and wait for her to get up to open the door. God I'm glad to see her. I just decided to go see her and now that I've looked into her eyes my heart is my bouncing against my ribcage once again.

"What are you doing here?" She asks me somewhat annoyed.

I walk over to her. She's standing in the doorstep, wearing some sweatpants and the same grey sweater she's always wearing. "I... was wondering how you are," I reply and give her a smile.

She smiles back. It softens her gaze immediately. "It's a real mess inside, I am a mess myself actually. Sorry, I just got up."

"Can I come in?"

She turns around and glances in the livingroom. "I really need to do some cleaning, I..."

"I can help if you want," I blurt out. That may have sounded somewhat compelling.

She gives me a confused look. "You don't have to help with _everything_ John. Look, just give me... ten minutes. I think Eric would like to see you, he's at the basketball field around the corner playing a tournament."

I'm a bit disappointed. I didn't think she had to clean and everything before we could spend some time together. But then again, I'm just showing up out of nowhere too.

"Sure, see you later," I say and walk off to see Eric.

* * *

As quickly as I can I run up the stairs to change in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I walk over to the bathroom to do my hair and brush my teeth. That's better. Still with a throbbing headache I go back downstairs and the first thing I do is hiding the empty wine bottle back in the cabinet. I look at the pack of cigarettes laying on the coffee table. Should I hide them? Well, it's not like it's a terrifying secret or something. I put them in the pocket of my jeans together with a lighter.

I close the front door behind me and then notice John already standing there, hands in the pocket of his jeans, leaning against the house.

"Ready?"

"Yeah, sorry," I laugh. "Did you go and see Eric?"

"Yes, I did," he grins. "He's a good team player."

"I know. And a bad loser too."

He smirks. There's something going on in his eyes I can't put my finger on. I told myself not to get any closer with him, maybe start avoiding him once again… but I want more of him, get to know him better. Whatever I keep telling myself, I do definitely like him.

"Would you like a drink?" I ask.

"Sure," he responds and we walk back inside to the kitchen. I pour in two glasses with soda and look at the sun shining down in the garden. "We could go sit outside in the grass? Do you mind?"

"No, the weather is great," he says and opens the back door for me. We sit down in the high grown grass against the rickety shed.

"So," he starts after I handed him his drink. "Have you heard anything from your mother?"

I shake my head.

"Sorry to hear that."

"Did you?" I ask back.

"From my mother?" He asks.

I nod.

"Nope." He looks away from me. "Nope, she's still in Berlin."

"When is she coming back?" I ask.

"Not anytime soon I hope." He turns back to me. "My father is there, gamma is there, that's enough."

It's silent for awhile as we both drink or soda's and look around the garden.

"Well, I'm not exactly waiting for my mother to come back either," I start.

"You're not worried?"

"Worried…," I say the word as if it's something really silly. "Of course I'm _worried_. And yes, it's a relieve when she returns safely without, I don't know, shit."

"But you don't miss her?"

"I don't miss my mother, no."

Suddenly my mind flies back to when I was about four, when she was taking her meds, when she was still quite okay… That's the Maggie I miss.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks softly.

I smile weakly. "She just wasn't always like that."

It's right at that moment, right at that moment when he looks in my eyes full of understanding when I realize exact the same thing as last night. I don't want him peeling off the layers.

"Don't," I blurt out.

"What did I do?" He asks surprised.

I finish my glass quickly and stand up.

"Abby, wait."

"No," I say. "No, John, look. I don't think we should keep… doing this."

"Well, I didn't think we were doing so much… _yet_" he laughs cheekily.

I can't help to laugh at that and roll my eyes. "That's not what I mean." I grab a cigarette, light it and take a deep smoke.

"You're a smoker?"

"Yes I am."

"I didn't know that."

"Now you do. See, you didn't even know that. We don't know that much about each other, and I'm just telling you stuff I never tell anyone."

"Well so do I," he gets up too and walks over to me. He gives me a serious look. "That is the same for me."

I bite my lip. "Look John, I just think maybe we shouldn't be friends."

"Why are you saying that?" He looks hurt.

"There's much more to all… this," I say as I lift my arm in the air, illustrating what I mean. "There's much more crap going on than you think."

"Ok."

"No, that's not ok."

He rubs his nose and sighs. "I just came in to have a chat, you don't have to be afraid that I want, you know, more…"

"That's not what I'm afraid of." The opposite in fact. I wish I would just let go, why can't I just let go…

"Then what is," he asks carefully and gives me that look again.

I tap the ashes from my cigarette and stare to the ground, thinking of what to say.

"I don't want you to find out everything," I whisper.

"What is there to find out?" He asks softly as he steps a bit closer. He turns his head a little bit, trying to catch my eyes.

"It won't scare me Abby," he whispers softly. "I just… I like to be with you. I thought it was mutual…"

"It is." I know I'm being difficult, I know it. I just can't help to completely shut down sometimes.

"If you want me to leave, I will."

I nod slowly. "Yes," I manage to get out. I feel tears burning behind my eyes. I don't have myself under control anymore. He just opens up things inside of me that I normally don't show to anyone. He needs to go and then I'll just forget and everything will be fine.

I look up to him, he's still standing there but not with that same sympathetic look anymore. His expression is unfriendly, his mouth is tightly shut.

"I won't come over again." He states and walks over to the door of the fence.

I throw my cigarette on the grass and rub it out with my shoe. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's okay."

"I know this isn't fair," I say quickly. I'm thinking of what to do, because I think he means it. He's not going to come back, he's not going to visit me again, talk to me again, help me again… Now or never, I think.

"I didn't mean it," I say.

"What?!" He must have had it with me now.

"I didn't mean it, okay? I do want to get… closer."

"Abby…" He sounds tired now, agitated. "I think you should get some things straight. You were right."

"What are _you_ implying now?" I look straight in his eyes..

"I'm implying… that that whole armor of yours indeed might not break for me."

"I don't have _that_ many problems." I'm screwing this up. Totally. I'm screwing it up and I know it. First I say he needs to go and now this?

"Look, I know I just freaked out. Ok? I know that. It's just that I'm not used to… people like you interfering with me. But I'm not totally screwed. I'm not." I give him a hopeful look. I hope he believes that I just freaked out right there.

He bites his lip and gives me a look as if he's blaming me for something. "Eric talked to me…" He starts.

"About what?" I ask. He doesn't respond. "Did he _complain_?" I ask further raising my eyebrows.

He swallows and looks me straight in the eyes. "I know it's none of my business, and I don't know how bad it is, but he told me that you smelled weird this morning. That you smell like that _a lot_ in fact, and that there was a bottle on the table…"

My cheeks flush red and I feel that there's a tear streaming down my cheek. "He told you that?" I barely get out.

He nods and it feels like my whole world is about to collapse.

* * *

I watch the tear that's laying on her cheek. That wasn't nice of me to say, but who says she isn't drunk now? When I talked to Eric at the basketball field he started about it by himself. That scared me. First Abby just worried about Eric, but now it's the other way around too. I personally never really got close enough to notice.

And now I hear her talking about how she doesn't want me to get to know her better or whatever… And what if all those sweet looks where just drunk ones? It just drops my faith in her. I hate it. I hate it that it does. And I know it's not something I expected her to tell me, I'm not a therapist… And that's it. I am not her therapist and I have enough to deal with myself right now.

I don't know what I expected coming here. At least not Eric telling me Abby is a drunk. I know it's probably not her fault, and that she can't help it and I definitely don't want to get rid of her like that but now that she completely freaked out for the second time since I got to know her about how she doen'st want me… interfering… it just might be best not to wait for the third time.

Abby hasn't been saying anything. She's just covers hers eyes with her hand and I'm pretty sure she's crying.

"If you… need anyone to talk to… call me, or meet me at school, ok?" I say in an attempt to regain some trust. I didn't mean to put it like this…

"I don't _need_ anyone," she just replies stubborn. "You just weren't supposed to know this."

We are too complicated, we both are I think as I watch her.

She looks up to me, lips squeezed tightly. "Can you please just leave? You're right, okay? Now just leave me alone."

"Ok," I say as I step outside the garden. "I didn't mean to upset you. See you at school?"

"Yeah, probably," she still stares to the ground. Now I see she's really crying. Tears are one by one rolling down and then drop in the grass. Big tears, probably of shame and regret and stress… I feel so sorry for her.

I can't just look at her like that and then, without really realizing what I'm doing, I lean over the fence and instinctively cup her face in my hand, rubbing away the tears.

"Shh, don't be afraid. I really like you, no matter what, all right? And I won't… I won't try break your armor again. But if you're ready… to just let down a tiny bit, to, I don't know, tell me what your favorite jelly bean is or something…"

She smiles at that.

"…come find me. Because I really… I really like you…"

She stares at me, my hand still on her cheek. If it wasn't for that stupid fence I think I might have just gave her a kiss. But apparently the fence isn't a problem for Abby.

She presses her lips against my hand. She kisses my hand. "I really like you too," she responds with eyes closed.

There it is. Her lips on my hand. It's not a very confident kiss but she means it. And it feels good.

As she opens them again I give her a broad smile. I wish she had done it sooner, or that I had done it sooner. I mean, I know this isn't the real kiss, the actual one, but it was a kiss… A kiss that definitely gives hope. "Take care," I whisper and pull back my hand.

She nods slowly. "See you at school."

"See you at school," and then I leave with a smile on my face that would stay there for the rest of my walk home.

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**Thanks you for reading!**

_(Preview for next chapter: Maggie makes an appearance once again, making it not so easy for Abby to let her guard down, but let me tell you this, she will. And finally things seem to actually speed up a little bit...)_

**Please let me know what you think, I really **_**really**_** appreciate it! Thank you.**


	10. Taking Initiative

_**A/N: **__I know what you're thinking: High School fics are stupid, sad and don't work. This one does though. Sorry I didn't update for such a long time, I'm determined to finish this story though, it won't be many more chapters.  
__**Disclaimer:**__ Officially the characters are NBC's. But what the heck, this is my younger version and they never made that up now did they. No, sorry NBC. Your characters, your show. Not mine, not mine.  
__**Warning:**__ I'm __not a native English speaker__, sorry if I made any mistakes  
__**Reviews:**__ In "my time" a story was successful when you'd receive about 8 or more reviews per chapter. Luckily I still receive great reviews, but I always want more… __  
__**This chapter:**__ Sometimes you both want something, but you're not sure if the other feels the same way. And if there are so many things distracting you, you might never find out._

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**The Young Troubled  
**

_Chapter 10 – Taking initiative_

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**------ John's place – 08:00**

As I walk down the stairs heading for school, I overhear dad from his study. "Milicent is not the one to take care of our _son_ Eleanor."

Not again. I walk to his door and listen closely as I peak through the door. He's standing in front of the window and apparently has mom on speaker.

"Jack, please. I need time. I need it. And Berlin needs me too. I do good things here."

Dad shakes his head. "You need to come back," I hear him say as he drinks his coffee.

"You and I…" Mom is silent for a moment. "You and I both know that it will not make things better." She almost whispers it.

Dad doesn't respond. I bite my lip. I knew it all along, and now I hear mom say it. Something's wrong.

"You can not just keep leaving," Dad suddenly blurts out. "We need to talk things through. And I refuse to do this over the phone." He walks back to his desk.

"Jack… Please let me stay here." It hurts me to hear mom like this. She sounds vulnerable and confused.

Dad sits down and grabs the telephone in his hand. Mom's no longer on speaker.

"No. No, you will come back, and we will talk. I will not let you escape like this. You're my wife for God's sake."

Again there is a moment of a silence. "Think of your son," I hear him mumble.

"Come back next week," he continues. "I want to figure this out. We need to. I don't see how we have a choice."

I swallow as I see him hang up the phone.

Violently I rub away the tear on my cheek. I barely noticed I was crying. I leave the house without breakfast and make my way to school. Please let them get better.

**------ School – 08:30**

As I get out of the bus, I immediately scan the area in front of the school hoping to spot John. Even though last time we saw each other was awkward, I'd really like to see him and receive his smile. But I don't seem to have any luck so I get in the building and find my way to my locker. When I turn the corner I spot him.

He's leaning against the wall, nearby my locker, talking to – I think – some of his theater friends.

Uncomfortable by the guys surrounding him, I quietly open my locker and get my books. My heart is racing against my chest. I can't help it with him so close by. I take as much time as I could possibly need and pretend to be very interested in one my books in the hope of him noticing me. But he doesn't, and when it's beginning to look really unbelievable I close my locker and walk upstairs. It hurts me he didn't come see me.

In class I can't focus on the subject and my mind keeps drifting of to John. Why was he so ignorant? Normally he would have practically chased me down, begging me to turn around and talk to him. And then it hits me.

That's what he doesn't want to do anymore. He doesn't want to beg me. I need to come to him. He wants me to take the next step. But does he know how difficult that is with his friends completely surrounding him? Does he have any idea? Or would he feel that way as well? I sigh and look out of the window.

At the end of the day I haven't seen John since. Every break I kept looking out for him but I haven't spotted him. He must have been off early. Disappointed I leave school and head to the bus when I suddenly spot him from behind. He's not more than 20 yards away from me.

Hesitatingly I look at the bus, and then back at him. If I miss this bus I'll have to wait twenty minutes. If I want to catch up with him, I either have to shout his name or run after him. Both ways seem a little desperate. I take a deep breath and quickly begin walking towards him. "John?" I say out loud.

No response. "John!" I shout and then he turns around. He smiles. God, he smiles. I smile back and feel my cheeks turn red. "Hey.." I go on shyly.

He waves and stops so I can catch up. "How are you?" He asks as I come closer.

"I'm fine. You?"

He nods, but it's not very convincing. "Something going on?" I ask.

He shrugs and swings his backpack over his shoulder. "Nothing worth mentioning."

I nod. Not knowing what to say next I look up to the sky. "Weather is nice today."

"Yeah," he answers. His eyes give me a mischievous look and I see his lips form another smile.

I look back at him, nervous and unsure of what do next. He just waits for me to take the next step. Do it, I tell myself. "Would like to do something together today?" I blurt out.

He laughs. "Yes. Have any ideas?"

I shake my head. "No," I laugh.

"Well, since the weather looks great… I could take you back to the lake."

He must notice my face lighting up. "Yeah, that would be great," I answer.

**------ The Lake – 16:00**

We didn't talk much on the way to his home. I can sense something is wrong with him. He doesn't feel good. He barely smiles. The positive vibe I'm used to get from him isn't there. As we reached the lake, his face lit up. He helped me through the bushes and led me to a platform I didn't notice last time.

Now, we sit next to each other on the platform, close enough to touch but that we don't.

"It's nice out here," I say and look at him.

John nods slowly, staring over the water. "I get here whenever I need to forget things."

"Like what?"

He smiles weakly "Like... my parents fighting."

"I thought your mother was still in Berlin?" I ask.

"She is. They talk over the phone... Dad puts her on speaker."

"Is it bad?"

"Yes," is the only thing he says.

I can see by the look on his face it affects him. I want to take his hand, but taken aback by my own insecurity I don't and just look at him.

"I just wouldn't want them to screw it up." His voice cracks. He turns his face to me, showing me the pain he has.

"I'm sure they won't," and now do take his hand in mine. He squeezes it gently. My heart beats against my chest.

"I'm glad you walked up to me today," he says, rubbing my hand. I smile at that and turn so I can see him better.

"I didn't really think you would," he continues.

"Well, I didn't want to lose you," I whisper with a cynical laugh. But I mean it. My heart beats in my chest.

He turns from the water to me as well, making us sit in front of each other. He cups my other hand in his as well. "Those things I said, that I... _implied._.. That wasn't fair. I judged you and wasn't even sure about what."

I can sense he feels guilty. But he was right. He judged me about the drinking and he was right.

"You were right," so I say. "I drink." I pull my hair behind my ear, look at him. "It's not as bad as it sounds though."

He smiles, takes my hand again. "How bad is it?" He asks softly. Without a judging tone in his voice. He sounds caring this time.

I shrug. How bad _is _it? "It's not fair to Eric," I start. "I know it's not. But you know, I put up with everything. Not only with my mom, with him too. It makes me forget all the, well, _shit,_ we're in."

"When did you start with it?"

I laugh cynically. "It's been a few years," I decide to say.

He doesn't immediately say anything to that. "I think I understand."

"You don't have to say that."

"I mean it," he says. We look at each other for a moment and smile.

"And, I don't do it everyday," I say. He nods. "No really," I continue. "It's... maybe twice a month. Promise."

He caresses my cheek, making me shiver. "You don't have to make me any promises."

I put my hand over his and look him in his eyes. He offers me a comforting smile. I smile back and feel my heart slowing down. It isn't racing anymore, this feels right.

Slowly I start drowning in her deep brown eyes. I wonder if I would kiss her right now, she would kiss me back. Just when I'm about to lean forward she suddenly grabs my wrist. My watch.

"Shit shit shit. Eric," she blurts out and jumps up. "I'm sorry, I forgot. I need to get Eric."

I stand up as well. "Hey, relax. Calm down," I try.

"No, no I need to go. I'm so sorry. I lost track of time, I need to go."

* * *

She seems confused, nervous. Did she realize I was thinking of kissing her or does she mean it that she forgot about Eric?

Still startled by the sudden mood swing I look at her as she swings her bag over her shoulder. "John, I'm sorry..."

"It's okay."

"It's just that I promised Eric to be home after school so we could go to the store."

I nod understanding. "You're right, you should go," I say.

"Thanks. Again, I'm sorry."

"It's all right. Don't be. Let me walk you out."

As quick as she can she walks ahead of me through the garden, back to the house. To be honest I feel a little rejected. Why did she have to jump up like that?

I let her in the house and lead her to the front door. "I liked it out there," she says just before she walks away. She doesn't take a single second to stand still and say goodbye. She walks down the steps and heads to the bus stop. "I'm sorry!" She shouts once again.

I just smile and wave. Just as quick as she came up to me this afternoon, she disappears. I can't help feeling rejected, even though I know how stressed she is concerning Eric. And she's right, I know she is but I can't help wondering if it's an excuse to get away from that moment that now seems such a long time ago.

**------ Abby's place – 17:30**

I feel awful for leaving him like that. Why did I jump up so quickly? I was just beginning to feel so comfortable... I lean against the bus window. He must think I don't like him anymore. But I promised Eric... I hope he's still at home, waiting for me.

I should have taken a bit more time to say goodbye. To tell him I like him. That I'm in love with him. Should I have said that? I don't know. But I am, I am in love. When he placed his hand on my cheek, just like last time, I was so eager to kiss him. Or for him to kiss me. Maybe he would have if I had stayed calm. But I didn't and know I will never know. I hate this side of me.

As the bus stops I'm the first one to get out and quickly I walk to our house. Luckily his bike is leaning against the house. Relieved I let out a sigh and walk to the front door. But then I see a face through the window I didn't expect.

Mom's back.

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**Thanks you for reading!**

_(Preview for next chapter: Maggie is there again, determined to do things different this time. Abby is cynical about it, but then it appears that Maggie actually wants to change things. Drastically. With consequences for her and John that are so big she decides not to tell him.)_

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	11. I wish I could

_**A/N: **__I know what you're thinking: High School fics are stupid, sad and don't work. This one does though. Just a week later and I've got the new chapter up! It wil be just a few more, and I have already outlined the rest of the storyline for myself.**  
Disclaimer:**__ Officially the characters are NBC's. But what the heck, this is my younger version and they never made that up now did they. No, sorry NBC. Your characters, your show. Not mine, not mine.  
__**Warning:**__ I'm __not a native English speaker__, sorry if I made any mistakes**  
Reviews:**__ Thank you so much for your inspiring reviews :) Keep letting me know what you like, or dislike about the chapters and what you would like to see happening...!!__**  
This chapter:**__ Maggie turns the life of Abby and Eric upside down, but for the first time with good intentions. But it will have consequences for Abby and John, just when things are starting to speed up a little bit.

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_

**The Young Troubled  
**

_Chapter 11 – I wish I could_

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**------ Abby's place – 17:30**

Shocked I stop in my steps.

Once again she managed to creep up on me. Here she is again. After disappearing for days, she's back. Every time I have mixed feelings of anger and relief. I haven't kept count of the number of times she disappeared like this, but every single time, sooner or later, she has returned. And now she's back home, and I'm standing here. About to go in, about to face her once more.

I close my eyes and breath in deeply. Here we go.

I open up the door and walk through the hallway. Mom's sitting on the couch, she's talking on the phone. I look at her from behind.

"I know, Gina. It's such a good idea. I just…" She turns around, puts her hand on the phone. She smiles at me.

I raise my eyebrows and give her an unwilling smile back. "Where's Eric?" I simply ask.

She points up to the first floor and continues her conversation. "So, that would be in four weeks then right? Yes, well I have to tell the children. Yes, thank you so much… Well…"

I head upstairs and knock on Eric's door. "Yeah!" He shouts. I walk in and see him lying on his belly on top of his bed, reading cartoons.

"Sorry I'm late," I say and sit down next to him.

"Were you at John's place?" He asks without looking up.

"Yes…" I say laughing.

"Cool."

"Yeah well. You talked to mom?"

"No."

"Was she home before you?"

"Yes."

I sigh and go through his curly hair with my fingers. "Don't feel like talking about this?"

"Neither do you."

"Yeah, well you're right about that. Still want to go to the store with me?"

"No."

"Come downstairs with me?"

"Is mom still there?"

"Yes…"

"No."

I sigh a bit weary. This is not going to work. I walk back downstairs and find mom sitting at the kitchen table drinking tea. I sit down in front of her and wait for her to speak.

"That was Gina I was speaking to on the phone," she begins.

I interrupt her. "Do you realize what effect you have on Eric?"

"He's starting to obstinate a little bit. Let him."

She's just starting to believe in her own lies now. "Mom. He's _scared._"

"Oh no, no Abby. He's not scared of me. How could you say that? Eric is growing up, and with that comes certain behavior, you know that."

"That _certain _behavior has nothing to do with him growing up. He's still an innocent, little kid. It has to do with you dragging him everywhere you go."

She shuts her mouth tightly. I sigh. It's abnormal how often we have these conversations and how often she just shuts down.

"Well. I'm back now… And I had time to think… And I…. want to make things better." She gives me a weak smile.

"Isn't that great."

"Abby…"

I roll my eyes. I'm not sure how often we did this little routine, but it always ends the same. Her wanting to change, making promises until she comes close to actually having to fulfill these promises and then all of a sudden, she'll disappear.

"Like I said, I talked to Gina back in Minnesota and she has offered to help us."

"With what?"

"With… _me._"

I nod slowly. I notice her avoiding the biggest question of all; where she has been over the past few days. I know she'll try not to explain it, like she always does.

"Have you been staying with that guy where I picked up Eric?"

She stares at the ground.

"Mom..?"

"I rent a motel room."

"With money from him?"

"Yes. He's a very kind man."

"He wanted to screw you."

"Abby. Don't speak to your mother like this."

I get up. "You're not anyone's mother."

I walk to the living room and sink down in the couch. She's been in a motel room for days, paid by that man she was with and now she's back, wanting to change. I wonder what happened. I think of Eric who apparently completely shut down and wonder if that will change in a few days. If mom is still here by then of course, because that's not something you can ever rely on.

Because from now on, we will have to check her bedroom every morning to see if she's still there. It's from hoping she gets back to fearing she has disappeared once more. I don't know which one is better. I hate false hopes and I can't live with fear, so I don't know.

Mom comes out of the kitchen to sit down besides me on the couch. "I want to talk to you."

"All right," I sigh.

"Like I said, I spoke to Gina a minute ago. She contacted a clinic for me to get help with my medication."

"That's nice." It's the first time in years that she's talking about going to an actual clinic. Until now she only spoke about taking her meds, getting back to work, staying at home, but this is a new, and hopefully good, twist.

She gives me a smile. "I'll still be able to care for you two, and I can combine it with my work. They will just… mentor me, you know. Get me back on track. Help me make a new start."

We can take care of ourselves, I think, but she gives me such a hopeful look that I can't make another cynical remark. "That's great mom," I say.

"But there's also a more negative side to it Abby. It's not here in Chicago."

Please don't tell me that this is what I think it is. "Mom…"

"It's in Minnesota."

Minnesota. I don't say anything to that. She wants us to move? Move with her up north so she can improve her life? Move? No. No. A million thoughts flash through my mind. My school, Eric, his friends, John. John.

"No." Is all I manage to say.

"I know this is a shock for the both of you. The program starts next month, and…"

I don't listen to any of the words she's saying. All I can think about is that we're moving. How can she expect me to leave everything behind just like this? I hope it's just one of her ideas, but I know, I know that this is not just some idea. She means it. I can tell by the look on her face, by that phone call, by the way she looks at me…

"…Are you on your meds?" I ask carefully.

"Yes." She takes my hand. "Abby, you are not the one to raise Eric. That's my job. And it was mine to raise you too, and yes, I know I messed it up. I need to change. Things have to get better."

"Eric has friends here."

"I know. He'll make new ones."

Tears are welling up behind my eyes. I don't want to leave. I untangle my hand from hers. "I'm upstairs," I just say.

I walk to my bedroom, close the door and sink down against the wall. Tears stream down my cheeks and I cry as soft as possible, in the hope Eric doesn't hear a thing.

I hate her, is all I can think. I hate her for doing this to us. No matter how good her intentions are, I can't trust her that it's going to work. And even if it will, I don't want to leave. Things were just starting to work out between me and John and now this. I rub away my tears and sit down on my bed.

If I'm honest to myself, there's not much I have here. I've lost most of my friends, Eric practically only has three good friends he visits regularly and that's about it. And if it really is a serious attempt of mom to improve her life, it's unfair to Eric not to try. But I just… I just don't want to leave.

I think about having to face John tomorrow morning. I wouldn't know how to tell him I'm moving. I don't want to lose him already. But I can't lie to him either. Maybe I should just stay home tomorrow. Not only to avoid John, but also to make sure mom will stay and Eric is all right.

**------ John's place – The next day, 15:00**

I'm sitting at the dining table having lunch. Dad's sitting in front of me. The mood has been tense in the house since mom and dad had that phone conversation I overheard. He's reading the newspaper and drinking his coffee, and I'm pretending to read the culture section but my mind keeps going back to Abby.

She wasn't at school today. Now I know that's not something new for her, but I do know that often that means something's wrong.

"You okay John?" Dad asks with a worried look on his face.

I sigh and put down the culture section. "Are you?" I ask in return.

He raises his eyebrows at that. "You look worried son."

"I'm fine," I lie.

Dad shakes his head and continues reading his newspaper.

Am I just imagining that she likes me? Because now I think about it, I was the one inviting her all along. That one time when she came up to me, stood on our doorstep, was when she needed my help. And yes, I know she has thanked me and kissed my hand and shows affection, but I'm the one taking all the initiative.

Maybe she's just too scared; maybe she's too insecure. Well, it's a good excuse for me right now. I wonder if I should go by her house and check on her. But that might seem a little desperate…

I should call her. I never called her before and her phone number must be on the biology class list. "I have to make a call," I say and leave the table, heading upstairs.

**------ The park – 16:00**

Nervously I'm standing under one of the big oak trees next to the playing field. It's five minutes past four. When I dialed her phone number, I got Eric on the phone. He sounded excited, and since Abby is only able to relax when she knows Eric is safe, I asked him to come along.

"John!" I hear. It's Eric, carrying his ball, running towards me. "Catch it!" He shouts. I react just in time to catch. Abby is walking behind him and waves at me.

I smile back. It's good seeing her. She look pretty, her long brown hair waves loosely around her shoulders and she's wearing a pair of jeans, white shirt and flip flops. I don't think she realizes how pretty she looks.

"John, you want to play a game with me and Tim?" Eric asks and points to the little guy standing at the field.

"Sure! Abby?"

She shakes her head. "No, I'm having a smoke," she says and sits down underneath the tree.

* * *

I light up my cigarette and slowly inhale as I watch John play with Eric and his friend. I'm glad he called us and that he asked Eric along. I do feel a bit nervous since he doesn't know about Maggie's idea. Luckily she hasn't told Eric yet so he won't say anything about it.

John looks sweet in his shirt and light blue jeans running after Eric. That night when he came over and I got mad at him for asking so many questions, I was wrong sending him away. He only has good intentions and it's hard to blame him for what he had heard about mom with parents like his. He's a sweet guy and now, now I'm finally confident enough to like him, I'm going to move to Minnesota.

A while later John comes walking towards me and sits down besides me. "Eric is a good player," he says smiling.

"Yeah well, he practices a lot," I reply and rub out my cigarette on the grass.

"So, how are you?"

"I'm fine," I say smiling and shift a little closer to him.

"Why weren't you at school today?"

"Well… my mother just came back."

"Are you serious? When did that happen?"

"Yesterday. Sorry for how I left, I just made a promise to Eric and I need him to rely on me, so that's why."

"But what about your mother?"

"I don't know, she was right there. Sitting on the couch, on the phone with a friend, she was all… normal almost."

"Is that good?"

I shrug. "Perhaps."

John moves backwards a bit and leans with his back against the tree. "What does Eric want to be when he grows up?" He asks me.

"A pilot. Or an air traffic controller," I smirk. Ever since he was a little boy he got all excited when a plane would pass our house. I wonder if there's a way to afford such education for him, but I certainly hope so.

I look at how John's leaning against the tree. If I'd move backwards a little bit as well, I could just lean against his chest. At first I hesitate but John notices my intentions.

"There's room for two," he smirks. At that I scoot up a little bit and carefully lean against his chest. Immediately he loosely wraps his arm around me. I hope he doesn't notice my heart beating like crazy.

I close my eyes for a moment. It might sound stupid, but this; leaning against his chest, being close to him, is such a big step for me. For us. I finally give in to what I feel for him. I know it makes me vulnerable, but I like it, at least, around him. He makes me feel like it's okay to feel that way, and that it's all right not to be strong all the time. And this is a small part of that. I lean with my head against his upper arm and sigh in relief and relaxation.

"And what to do you want to be?" I ask him.

He sighs. "A doctor. But what I want and what my parents want, well, we're not really on one line about that."

"What do your parents expect?"

He laughs. "They want me to take over dad's position in the family fund."

"And that position is?"

"The boss."

"Really?" I turn my head a little bit. "Sounds fancy."

"Yeah, I know. But what am I supposed to do? Keep spending money on theatre and culture?"

"Isn't that what you like to do?"

He shrugs. "I don't know. Money can help people, I know that, but as a doctor… you can do great things too.

We're quiet for a moment. "Do you want to become a doctor because what happened to your brother?" I ask.

"Maybe. Yes, I think so. He wanted to become a doctor too, did I ever tell you that?"

I shake my head.

"Yeah well, he always wanted to go to med school. He wasn't interested in the family fund at all. I was, but I learned from Bobby that there was more to life than just cutting ribbons and having tea with my grandparents. "

"And you don't want to go to drama school or something like that?"

He smirks. "It's a fun thing to do, but I wouldn't want to be a professional. I don't think I'd be good enough for that." As he speaks I feel his hand finding his way to my hair.

"I've never seen you perform," I admit.

He smiles. "We're doing Hamlet next year."

I nod slowly. I won't be there next year. He wraps a lock of my hair around his finger. "Well you don't have to," He chuckles when I don't answer.

"No, no I would love to," I say quickly and hold my head a little skew so I can see his face.

"And what is it you want to do after high school?" He asks me.

"I'm not sure yet. I've been thinking about psychiatry. It freaks me out though too, I don't know if I'd be able to cope with insane people like my mother every single day…"

"Or maybe because of your mother you'd be good at it."

"Maybe," I answer and look at Eric who comes running towards us.

"Abby!" He shouts. "Can I go home with Tim?"

"Sure," I say. "Say his parents hello from me."

"Bye John," he yells and runs back to Tim.

* * *

As Eric runs away, I look at Abby. I love to see her relaxed like this. With this satisfied smile on her face that tells me that Eric is all right. More and more I realize how much her life is centered on Eric. If he's not okay, she's not. And if he is, she is. It's probably the other way around too. They depend on each other, and how can you not if your mother is not the one to rely on?

It's then when I realize that with Bobby and me it was the same, kind of. Mom and Dad were always in meetings or had important dinners to go to. We had the maids, our nanny and gamma, but we were the only constant factor we had. I lost that when Bobby died, and Abby clings on too Eric like I did to him. I can't blame her for that but I hope that when Eric grows up, she'll be able to let go of him.

"What are you thinking about?" She asks me.

"About you, and Eric," I answer honestly.

"What about it?"

"Just that you guys need each other."

It makes her smile. "We have no one else," she mumbles and I see the sadness in her eyes.

"That's not entirely true," I whisper.

She turns her head to me, but says nothing. She gives me a look I can't place. Was that wrong of me to say? But it is true. She has me, and Eric has me too. I'm not saying I can make things better but at least she could tell me if something's wrong.

"Do you have any plans for the holiday?" I decide to ask to change the subject.

Again I see the sparkle she had in her eyes the whole afternoon disappearing. "No, not really," she answers. "Mom took us to Disneyland last year, that didn't work out so well. You?"

"My father wants to visit France. From there maybe Germany, Berlin. Visit my mom."

"That sounds nice."

I nod and glance at my watch. "I should get back home, I promised dad to go with him to a reception."

"Sure, I should go check on my mom as well," she says and stands up.

I get up as well; we're standing quite close to each other now.

* * *

I pull my hair behind my ear, not sure about what do. He steps a little closer.

I feel the sparkle I always get when I look at him. He leans in, pulls my hair behind my ear.

"What I said, about that it's not entirely true you have no one, I meant that."

I feel terrible that I'm leaving, and that he doesn't know I won't be there after the summer to see him in Hamlet, or that he won't be able to help me in just a few weeks. But still, he makes me feel safe.

He must notice my pondering, and he smiles, cupping my face in his hands. And without really thinking about it, I take a step forward and wrap my arms tightly around his back. I press my face against his chest and sigh deeply. His arms find their way across my back and he holds me firmly.

"You'll be okay," he whispers and I feel him kiss the top of my head.

I nod against his chest. I pull back a little and look up to him.

"We should do this more often," he mumbles with a smile on his face as our eyes meet.

"Yeah..." I say and nod. "...We should."

And I wish... God, I wish I could.

* * *

**Thanks you for reading!**

_(Preview for next chapter: How long can you keep a secret? Well, if you were forced to tell lies for a big part of your life, you can keep it up for a long time. Until truth will out, and you realize you have to be honest not only to the ones you love, but also to yourself.)_

**A lot of people have added me to their author/story alert or favorites. I'd like to know who you are and what you think of my chapters, so please leave a review! They always inspire me to continue and I get all excited when I receive one.  
**


	12. Kiss Me, Once More

_**A/N: **__I know what you're thinking: High School fics are stupid, sad and don't work. This one does though. Sorry I didn't update for such a long time, I'm determined to finish this story though.**  
Disclaimer:**__ Officially the characters are NBC's. But what the heck, this is my younger version and they never made that up now did they. No, sorry NBC. Your characters, your show. Not mine, not mine.  
__**Warning:**__ I'm __not a native English speaker__, sorry if I made any mistakes**  
Reviews:**__ Are always, greatly, greatly, appreciated. Even in this time full of Ray/Neelas I hope there are people out there caring for an Abby/John fic.**  
This chapter:**__ It's about giving in, and letting go. And about realizing that feelings shouldn't always be hidden. Just let go, now that you still can._

**The Young Troubled  
**

_Chapter 12 – __Kiss Me, Once More_

_-------_

**------ Abby's place – 19:00**

I'm sitting on my bedroom floor, holding one of my sweaters. A big pile of clothes is laying in front me, and I'm trying to decide what to keep and what not. Not like I have many great clothes to choose from. I'm not really being very efficient. Actually, I've been sitting like this for quite some time, holding the same sweater, thinking.

Mom is downstairs, packing the kitchen and the living room. She's been taking her lithium for the past three weeks, which is good. She made a little money, cooked for us and even made some clothes for Eric. Not that he liked them, but still. So yeah, good things.

"Abby!" That's Eric.

"I don't know what to keep. Can you help me?"

"Yeah, I'll be right there," I shout back.

With a sigh I put down the sweater and get up. Eric's room is one big mess. Mom spoiled him as often as she could. Toys, comics and clothes are all over the floor. "Eric... that's not a way to organize things," I sigh a little annoyed and sit down on his bed.

"Sorry," he mumbles. He's sitting on the floor, holding a pile of his comics. "Do you think I can keep these?"

"Sure, why not?"

He shrugs. "Mom burned them last year. Don't you remember?"

I remember. She tried to set the house on fire with everything she could find. Books, paper, etcetera. We were at school, but one of the neighbors had noticed smoke and called 911. He caught it on time, so nothing bad happened. After that, we both were scared to death she'd try again. She never did.

"I remember, but she won't do that again. Not in the new house."

"I want to throw them away if mom wants to burn them."

"That won't happen."

He pouts a little. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Hesitantly he puts them in the box. "I don't want to move."

"I know," I say and lean over so I can caress the top of his head.

"I like it here."

"Me too," I whisper.

He turns around to me. "Maybe we can walk away?" He whispers back.

I shake my head and smile. "No, we need to help mom."

"I don't want to help mom."

"I know Eric, I know. But we're going to try very hard okay?"

He doesn't respond to that. I look into his blue eyes. I see fear, anger, and stubbornness. He looks to the ground. "I hate her," I hear him whisper.

It scares me when he says that. "That isn't true," I try.

"It is."

"No... No Eric, you don't hate Maggie." He looks up, and I feel hot tears burn behind my eyes. "You don't hate her," I try again.

I don't want him to hate her. I want him to love his mother, no matter what she does. He has to have trust in her, because in just a year or two, I'll go live on my own and he needs to, he _needs _to love her.

"You _have_ to Eric."

He shrugs and picks up one of his toy cars. "I hate John too."

"Why?" I ask surprised.

"Because he didn't come to say goodbye."

He doesn't know we're leaving. I tried to tell him, but I couldn't. He was so optimistic about my mom being back on her meds, about how he liked to see me relaxed... And I liked it too. So I ignored the fact that we're leaving. And besides, I hate saying goodbye. I can't. And definitely not to John.

"Did you fight?" Eric asks me.

I shake my head. "No..."

"Then why doesn't he want to say goodbye to us?"

"Because..." I sigh and look him in the eyes. "I didn't tell him we're leaving."

"That's stupid."

"Yeah, I know..."

"That's really stupid."

I laugh at that. "I know Eric."

"You really should call him."

"I'll think about it," I just answer and go with my hand through his curls. "Now you go and pack, you're doing just fine. All right?"

I get up and walk back to my room. There I lay down on my bed and close my eyes. I can't just leave like this... Eric is right. This isn't fair to John. Or to Eric or myself. We've grown quite close over the past few weeks. We met up in the park on a regular basis, we talked a lot... But we never kissed. I didn't, because I thought it would be easier for me. He tried, once. But I ignored it and kissed him on his cheek. I'd seen the disappointment in his eyes, but I couldn't help it. Still, I had wanted to. I still want to.

I walk downstairs. Mom's in the kitchen. I sit down on the couch and take the phone in my hand. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I don't know how to do this. He'll probably be mad at me for not telling him. But I get myself together and dial his phone number. After just a few seconds I hear his voice.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me, Abby," I say rubbing my forehead.

"How are you?" He sounds cheerful.

"I'm good, you?"

"Yeah, me too." Even more cheerful now.

"John, I need to talk to you…" I start hesitantly.

"Is something wrong?" I hear the concern in his voice.

"No," I say quickly. Should I say yes? I mean, something is wrong. But not the kind of wrong he expects, like my mom acting crazy.

"What do you want to talk about?" He asks.

"I don't know, I just…. I'd like to see you. Would you like to come over?"

"Yeah sure, today?"

"Yeah…." I reply.

"I'll be there in an hour or so, is that okay?"

"That would be great…"

"Are you sure nothing's wrong?"

I sigh and bite my lower lip. "Just… just come over, okay?"

* * *

I feel nervous as I turn the corner to Abby's street. She sounded different on the phone, said that she wanted to talk. And then she said nothing was wrong. Maybe she doesn't like me anymore, maybe I pushed too far. Maybe she noticed that I'm really falling in love with her and now she wants to tell me it's not mutual. But I've felt the chemistry, and I've seen the sparkle in her eyes when I touch her. I can't imagine she doesn't want that anymore. Or she's trying to protect herself.

Or… What if something _is _wrong and it's that bad that she doesn't know how to tell me? I quicken my steps. I can't stand this feeling she gives me. Whenever I see her worried, when I see fear in her eyes or hear angst in her voice, everything else disappears. The only thing I can think about is she, and what's wrong and how we can fix it. And every time I see her relax, when I know she's okay, I want to feel her. Hug her, touch her… and kiss her.

I'm there. I walk over the small path to the front door. Just when I'm about to ring the doorbell I notice boxes through the window. It's like a stone drops in my stomach. My mouth feels dry as I slowly bring my finger back to the bell. It feels like I can no longer breath. If this is what I think it is… No, no this can't be.  


* * *

Just before I'm about the open the door I close my eyes and take in a deep breath. Then I slowly pull the door open. There he is. His eyes give me a look I can't place.

"Hi," I say softly and give him a smile.

He just bites his lip, no response.

"Would you… like to come in?" I carefully ask.

He opens his mouth, about to say something but doesn't. Instead he still gives me that same, almost empty, stare. He knows.

It's almost scary to look in his eyes, I feel guilty and I sense my cheeks getting red. "John…" I sigh. "I'm sorry I didn't tell."

He nods, looks through our window. "So you're moving?" A voice full of disbelief. His eyes seem to get red, as if he's about to cry, and I don't know what to do.

"Yes," I say with a hoarse throat.

He simply nods and swallows.  


* * *

It's as if my heart drops to my knees. I look at her, and I'm not sure what to do or say. I feel anger for her not telling me. How can she just pretend nothing was going on these past weeks? Did she lie every time I asked her if everything was all right? Why didn't I know about this? I would have wanted to. How long will she still be here?

Abby lets me in, closes the door behind us. I hear sounds coming from the kitchen and from upstairs. I walk in the living room and turn to Abby.

"When were you planning on telling me?" I manage to get over my lips.

She doesn't respond, looks to the ground. "I'm sorry."

I look around the room. About five boxes are spread around the floor. One half full with books, the rest is closed. I'm not sure what to do, and still feel a mixture of anger and sadness. "Abby…" I just say and sink down in the couch.

"When are you leaving?" I ask in a whisper.

I see her shoulders shock, still looking to the ground. I keep looking at her, at her beautiful face that's hidden by her long brown hair. God, I like her so much. "When?" I ask again, more harsh than I meant it.

She looks up; tears are welling up in her eyes. It hurts me to see her like this. Her breath is shivery as she pulls her hair behind her ear. "Tomorrow," she just says.

My stomach turns. I get up and walk over to her. I'm left for words, and keep blinking any tear away. I don't want to cry, not now, not in front of her. I just get close to her and squeeze my eyes to keep the burning tears away. She wraps her arms around me, squeezes her body against mine. "I'm so, so sorry," she whispers hoarsely. Her voice is heart-broken. I close my eyes and hold her tight.

"It's okay," I just say. "It's all right."  


* * *

"Abby!" Oh God, that's mom. I pull back and give John a meaningful look.

"Yes mom?"

"Could you please go back upstairs and finish your room Abby?" I hear her say as she walks from the kitchen into the living room.

"Oh, hello," she says as she sees John and smiling shakes his hand.

"Pleasure to meet you miss Wyzcenski," John politely replies.

I smile at his politeness and quickly rub the tears from my cheeks.

"I'm a friend of Abby, and I was just coming by to see if you need any help," he continues.

"Oh, that's so nice of you," mom smiles from ear to ear. A little embarrassed I raise my eyebrows.

"Well, if you want to, maybe you can help Abby out upstairs?"

"Of course," he nods.

"Abby, make John a glass of lemonade will you?" And with that she heads upstairs.

John grins and follows me to the kitchen. "So that's your mother," He smiles. "She looks good doesn't she?"

"She's doing okay I guess," I reply as I pour in two glasses of soda. "It's the reason why we're doing… this," I continue as we walk upstairs.

We both sit down on my bed in my room. I'm not sure what to tell him. I look at him as he drinks his soda. I see the disappointment in his eyes. He turns to me. "So why are you moving?"

I shrug and clench my hands around the glass. "She got back in touch with an old friend. She had this idea of getting her into a clinic in Minnesota, and apparently mom got all enthusiastic about it."

"A clinic?"

"To make sure she stays on her meds. Group therapy, I don't know."

"And what about you and Eric?"

"She's not going to live there. She'll just, I don't know, go there by day…"

He smiles at me and places his hand on my lap. "It's probably for the best, right?"

I give him a weak smile. Deep inside I have nothing but huge doubts about this. It's not that different from all these other times when she decided to change and get better. It never lasts, but I guess I'll just have to go with it.

I feel Johns hand caressing my hair. "You'll be all right," he mumbles and puts our empty glasses on the floor.

I breathe in deeply and pull my legs up. I turn to him and place my hands on his head and pull him closer towards me. I rest my forehead against his. "Thank you for coming," I whisper.

He wraps his arms around the small of my back and I burry my face in his neck.

"It's going to be all right," He answers.

"No," I say softly. "No it's not…"

A soft knock on the door.

"That's probably Eric," I whisper and pull back. "Yeah?" I answer.

Eric pushes the door open. He stands there, in my doorway, pouting. "What's wrong?" I ask and walk towards him.

He just shrugs. "Mom won't let me say goodbye to my friends…"

I kneel down and embrace him. "And I just, I just want to play a bit of baseball with them in the park, because they just asked me to and mom, and mom won't let me." I feel his tears roll over his cheeks.

"Of course you should say goodbye," I whisper and lift him up in my arms. I turn around to John. "I'm sorry, I just need to take him to them."

He nods understanding and smiles to Eric.

"Hi John," Eric mumbles.

"Hi Eric," he smiles. "Go say goodbye to your friends"

I smile at him thankfully and walk downstairs. I look through the window and see that mom's busy in the garden. "Come on, I'll take you there ok? I'll talk to mom."

I walk with him to our neighbors and ring the doorbell. Immediately his friends open up. I rub over Eric's head and push him inside.

I walk towards mom who's in the shed in the garden. "What did you say to Eric?"

"Why?" She asks as she walks out.

"Because he came up to me, _crying, _that you didn't let him say goodbye to his friends."

She turns around. "Well Abby, maybe I don't want everyone to know we're leaving."

"Isn't it _obvious_?" I look at her. Sweat's trickling from her forehead. "What are you doing there anyway?"

"Ehh," she sighs. "Mess mess mess."

"Mom…"

"Yes?"

"You are on your meds right?"

"Yes Abby, of course I am." It's not that 'of course'.

"OK, great."

"Something's wrong?"

I shake my head. "No, I just… this whole moving thing, you know. Did you think this through?"

"Yes, Abby, yes, I did. Now go upstairs to that Ron."

"His name's John."

"All right then." And she disappears back inside.

"Mom, I brought Eric to the neighbors, just so you know." Not wanting to hear her response, I go back in and hurry upstairs.

Back in my room, John is laying on his back on my bed.

"I brought him to the neighbors," I say as I close the door behind him.

He smiles and sits up a little bit. "How come we have never been in your room together?"

I grin and lay down next to him. "I never invited you."

"Why not?" He asks and turns his head.

I roll my eyes. He knows the answers. "Because of all this."

He smiles and turns on his side. "What do you mean?"

"Just this. My mom, Eric… And, further…" I say nothing for a moment, thinking if I should say this or not. But in the end, I'm leaving tomorrow and now it's actually time for the truth.

"And further, I was just scared, or I _am _just scared to admit that, that I actually like you, and… well, you know, that you like me and all that."

* * *

  
I think I'm just starting to drown in her eyes right now. I'm not thinking straight, just listening to what she's saying. I like you so much, I think. You're sweet, and you're funny. And you have grounds that go so deep, I wonder if I'll ever get to know them.

And then, before I realize what happens, she leans in. Determined of what she's doing. Her hands find their way across my face and then she just does it.

She presses her lips against mine, eyes closed. I close them as well, just like that, and kiss back. It's an intense, long kiss, just on the lips. I don't know how long it lasts, but it seems to last forever.

Then she pulls back, slightly. Just enough that her lips don't touch mine anymore. She sighs shivery, leans her forehead against mine and cups my face in her hands.

I smile against her lips, kiss them again, shortly. I wrap my arms around her, pull her closer against me.  


* * *

His body feels warm and comfortable and I let him hold me. My heart practically bounces out of my chest. I swallow and breathe in. He smiles, I smile back. I can't believe I just did it, and it feels so good.

His arms press me closer against his body, I willingly move along. His hands find their way and he kisses me again. Slowly I open my mouth just a little bit and we kiss again. I feel his tongue ride along my lips, kiss me gently. I surrender.

I'm not sure for how long we kissed but at one point he slowly pulls away and grins. I grin back and lay my head down on his chest. His arm around my body.

"It was about time, wasn't it?" I whisper with my eyes closed.

I hear him smile. "Just in time."

I sigh and press myself closer against him. It feels so familiar, so like this is how we always are. And all the nerves, all the angst I've been feeling every time we got close has disappeared. And how could I ignore the craving that was so incredibly mutual? He smells nice, too.

"It's really not an okay thing that you're leaving," he says, a bit with a laugh.

"I'm sorry…"

"You should come back you know."

"When?" I chuckle.

"I don't know," he laughed. "Let's go to med school together."

"Med school?" I ask surprised and tilt my head up a little bit.

"Yes, you and me."

"Why would I be going to _med school_?"

"Weren't you considering psychiatry?"

"Well, I don't know, yes, but med school, God, I don't know."

"You should."

"John…"

"Well if I'd be going to med school, wouldn't it be a good reason for you?"

"Yeah the best," I grin sarcastically. "So will you?" I ask, more serious this time.

"Yes, I think so," he replies sincere.

I grin and lay back on his chest. "Then, of course, I will."

He smirks and I feel him playing with my hair. I close my eyes and try not to think about everything that's about to start tomorrow. I try to believe we actually are moving, and that everything will be fine, and I have to believe that because there's nothing else to do. But I know that probably, this won't go as smooth as it is intended. But after a while my mind drifts off, and I just enjoy laying this close to John.  


* * *

She's asleep. She just closed her eyes and slowly drifted off. I'm not sure what time it is, I didn't dare to lift up my arm, afraid to wake her. Her mom probably is downstairs; I hope Eric is back already. I tilt my head a little so I can look at her face. She looks relaxed. Looking around her room it suddenly hits me that she's leaving. I'll miss her.

It's getting dark I notice now; maybe I should go look at my watch. I gently lift my arm up and check my watch. Eleven o'clock, I really should be leaving.

Once more I glance at Abby who looks so peaceful that I feel sorry for waking her. "Abby…" I whisper and rub her back. "Abby, wake up…"

She moans a little and opens her eyes. "How long was I out?"

"Not sure," I whisper and sit up as she pulls away and rubs her eyes.

"Sorry…"

"Don't be, I liked seeing you asleep."

"Did you _watch_ me?" She asks astonished and sits up.

"What else was I supposed to do, watch television?" I joke and sit up as well. "I should go," I say and think of the tirade waiting for me at home.

She gives me a shocked look. "Don't. Don't leave."

I smile at that and take her hand. "I have to, my dad will be mad at me you know that."

She nods and squeezes my hand. "I really liked tonight," she whispers, staring at some unseen spot on the carpet.

"Me too," I assure her and get up. "I'll come back tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I want to say goodbye to you."

She smiles and gets up too. "That would be really nice."

"I am," I grin and quickly wrap my arms around her, kiss her once more.

"Hmmhm," she replies.  


* * *

"See you tomorrow," he says as he steps outside the house.

I nod and pull my hair behind my ear. "Thank you for stepping by tonight."

"Sure," he smiles.

"And I'm sorry for not telling you about all this."

"I understand."

"Really, you don't have to."

"I do," he assures me.

I smile at that. "All right then."

"See you tomorrow morning," and with that he walks away.

"Wait!" I exclaim and walk outside as well.

"What?"

"Kiss me," I blurt out. "Just once more, kiss me."

And he does.

Later that night, I walk upstairs back to my bedroom. I lie down back in bed and wrap the covers around me. They smell like him. A soft knock on the door. That's Eric.

"Come in," I say.

He opens up the door and walks in. He looks sweet in his pyamas. "I can't sleep Abby."

"I know sweetie," I reply. "Would you like to stay with me tonight?"

He just nods and closes the door behind him. Quickly he crawls in next to me.

"Are you nervous about tomorrow?" I ask.

He nods and crawls closer towards me.

"We'll be all right," I whisper and stroke his curly hair.

He sighs and turns towards me. "Abby…?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm not angry at John anymore."

"That's good," I say smiling.

"I heard you laugh."

"Did you?"

He nods. "I like it when you laugh."

I smile, touched and kiss him on his forehead. "I like that too."

"He made you laugh, right?"

"Yes, he did," I answer. "And he'll come back tomorrow you know, to say goodbye to you."

"Especially for me?" His eyes grow wide.

I grin at that. "Of course, who else?" I joke.

"You."

And after that, we fall asleep.

* * *

**Thanks you for reading!**

_(Preview for next chapter: Will they actually leave? And if they do, will everything go allright? How will John feel if all this happens? And more importantly, will they ever see each other again? This story is coming to an end soon...)_

_**Question: **I'm thinking of writing an Abby & Luka 'saga', about their relationship through the years, told by flashbacks during the time Joe got out of the Nicu until Abby asked Luka to ask her again. Just a 'closure' story, what do you think?  
_

**A lot of people have added me to their author/story alert or favorites. I'd like to know who you are and what you think of my chapters, so please leave a review! They always inspire me to continue.**


	13. I Won't Forget

_**A/N: **__I know what you're thinking: High School fics are stupid, sad and don't work. This one does though. Sorry I didn't update for such a long time, I'm determined to finish this story though.**  
Disclaimer:**__ Officially the characters are NBC's. But what the heck, this is my younger version and they never made that up now did they. No, sorry NBC. Your characters, your show. Not mine, not mine.  
__**Warning:**__ I'm __not a native English speaker__, sorry if I made any mistakes**  
Reviews:**__ Are always, greatly, greatly, appreciated. Even in this time full of Ray/Neelas I hope there are people out there caring for an Abby/John fic.**  
This chapter:**__ Life isn't fair. They both know that.

* * *

_

**The Young Troubled  
**

_Chapter 13 – I Won't Forget_

_-------_

**------ Abby's place – 05:00**

This is it, is the first thing I think as soon as I open my eyes. This is it.

Eric is lying next to me, on his belly, still asleep. I rub my eyes and sit up. I don't like the look of my empty room. Not that it ever had any charm to it, or anything personal, but now it's actually empty. Carefully, not trying to wake Eric, I get up and walk over to the window. It's still dark outside.

I cross my arms against my chest to keep myself warm. The alarm clock tells me that it's only 5 am. I sigh and stare at the sky. We're going to leave. Mom gave up the rent, she packed all the little things we had and in just two hours the removal contractors will show up.

And I, I am worried. Worried to death. I'm surprised I was able to fall asleep so quickly last night, because I know this 'adventure' will go horribly wrong. I never saw a confirmation for that different home, and the trip to Minnesota will take up to eleven hours, which means we're going to have to stay at a motel. It's the trip I fear the most. What if she will not take her meds this morning, or tomorrow? What if she freaks out completely when we're on the road?

I let out a long yawn and make my way to the bathroom, there's no way I'm going to catch some more sleep. I stare at myself in the mirror and lean with my hands on the sink. I splash some water in my face and begin to brush my teeth. When I'm finished, I step under the shower and close my eyes.

I think of last night, how I suddenly couldn't resist John any longer and just had to bring my lips to his. It was a feeling that with him, or anyone else really, I hadn't felt before. A feeling that it was supposed to be that way, and there was no need to talk about what we were doing. I did an attempt though, to explain to him why it had taken so long for us to end up in a room together, privately. But he knew, he didn't actually need the explanation. Me kissing him cleared it all up I suppose. And when I asked him to kiss me again, just once more, I think he fully realized that this was me. This was what I had wanted all along. Not that I knew it myself, or maybe I did, but I hid it from me, myself and even Eric. Still, there was nothing I longed more for than just that. Just him kissing me. I grin at my own thoughts. I bite my lip and still feel his lips touching mine. That whole suit of armor I had build up was taken down. That started just a few weeks ago, when he got angry with me drinking occasionally. Coming to think about it, he never brought it up. And I never drank, maybe because there was this one thing that I could call stable and that was John. Stable not in the way that we knew what we were having, but stable as in I knew he'd be there if I needed him. That on itself is a rather remarkable thing for me.

So yes, he broke my armor, bit by bit. I let him break it and although it creeped me out, at the same time, it was a different kind of safety that replaced it. The warmer kind, the, well, loved I think, kind. And I will miss it, because I know that as soon as we leave this house, as soon as we're on the road, I will build my armor back up.

I turn around and watch Eric, who's still asleep. I sit down on the bed next to him and gently stroke his back.

**------ Carter's place – 05:03**

It's still dark outside. I wonder if Abby is still asleep, and if she ever fell asleep at all. I didn't, or maybe just for an hour or so. Dad was sitting in the living room when I came home, angry that I came back that late. He had news, too. Mom's coming home, later tomorrow. He brought it with a smile, as it was good for news for me, which in a way it is, but I could tell by the look in his eyes that it wasn't just good news. For him, it wasn't. And having mom back around bursting into tears at the craziest moments is not something I'm particularly excited about.

I'm sitting in bed, with my back against the wall. I think about her and how she'll leave in just a few hours. It's hard to imagine, especially after last night, and right now I'm more intrigued by the fact that we kissed than that she's leaving, simply because I can't, and don't want to, imagine how I feel when she's not here anymore. Empty, probably. Heart-broken even perhaps, and I don't want to know how that feels.

I know that Abby and I have more in common than she probably thinks. She's not the only one perfectly able of building up all kinds of defenses to protect yourself from anyone being able to get inside of you and just open you up. That's what she did to me, probably earlier than when I did it to her. She did just something dumb to me, which was standing at the door that day I came by to ask how she was and when I actually met her for the first time. It wasn't love at first sight, but immediately I gave her, well, me. She was about the only thing I could think about and I gave her my heart and my feelings right from the start.

When she found out that that was what she was doing to me, she shut down. Completely. Maybe she was just afraid of disappointing me, or, like me, protecting herself from letting anyone creep inside of you and open up your chest, your heart.

However, in the end she opened up. More than I ever expected. Suddenly, after we kissed, it was like it should have always been like this. It didn't feel weird, or new, it felt like it was supposed to. She even asked me to kiss her again, and, more importantly, not to leave. But of course I had to. In a few hours I'll make my way back to her place, say goodbye. I don't know if I can, because honestly, I don't know to what I'm saying goodbye. But I do know that I'll miss her.

**------ Abby's place – 07:15**

The guys to help us move have arrived. Mom's downstairs coordinating them; I am surprised how well she's doing. Of course she is all hyper active but at least she's still on her meds. I'm sitting on the stairway with Eric, watching them.

"Abby, sweetheart, we're going to leave in just two hours so I need you and Eric to be ready by then," mom says as she passes by.

"Yeah mom," I reply. I look at Eric. He's leaning with his elbows on his knees, cupping his head in his hands, and looking absolutely pissed off.

"What about our wall?" He asks.

Yeah, what about it, I wonder. Our wall, the wall that we painted just two years ago, looks out of place in the now almost empty house. One day mom found left over paint in the shed and she decided to paint the wall together with Eric and me. We made a big green hill and we painted ourselves. 'Eric, Maggie, Abby in their dream world' is written beside our figures. John noticed it the first time he was here, I didn't know how to explain to him why it was there. I think he understands now.

"I don't know Eric," I honestly answer. I wonder if our lessor doesn't want us to paint it over. And then I immediately wonder if he knows we're leaving at all. That just turns my stomach, because suddenly I realize mom may not have arranged this all that well. She might be on her meds, she might have been serious about this for weeks, but she's not used to arrange all this and more and more I start to doubt what will happen to us in the next few days.

I think about when mom and I lived in a motel. Eric was just a baby back then, I must have been around six. I don't for how long we stayed there but I do know we spend Christmas there and that I made some stupid Christmas tree decoration. I wonder if we still have that around somewhere. Anyway, hopefully we won't start living in a motel once again. And if we don't, if we do move to Minnesota, I won't know where to look when she disappears. It freaks me out.

"You look worried," Eric says all of a sudden.

I give him a quick smile to take away his concern. "I'm not."

"You look like you are."

"Eric… Really, I am not. It's just exciting isn't it?" I try.

He shrugs. "I'm going back to my room." He stands up and walks back upstairs.

I sigh and get up as well, let's see where mom is.

I find her outside, chatting with one of the guys. "Mom, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Of course sweetheart, what's wrong?" She gives a way too flirty smile to the guy and takes me a few steps away from him.

"Mom, when did you give up the rent?"

She frowns at me. "Abby, you don't need to check on me."

"I'm not, I just wonder. So, when did you?"

She raises her eyebrows and gives me a very displeased look. "I did it, okay. Now go upstairs and get Eric. I don't want you two upstairs anymore."

"We won't set the house on fire if that's what you're fearing for," I say cynically.

"Abby. Now you listen to me. I gave up the rent, I got these guys to help us, Gina is waiting for us, and everything is going smoothly. And I know you don't believe that, and I know you think I'm going to do something, well, crazy, but I will not because I want to get better. Now why can't you understand that?"

"Well mom," I reply furiously. "Maybe because you never actually got us anything better or safer. You never fulfilled any of your beautiful promises. That's why." She makes me so angry. I know something's wrong, wouldn't the lessor normally come to check if everything is working and clean? Our painted wall should have been painted white, the kitchen is just awful and the paint is coming down the walls.

Maggie just ignores what I'm saying and walks back to the guys. Just when I'm about to walk back in the house I see a person turn the corner and immediately I know whom it is, it's John.

* * *

She's standing between the loading truck and her house, waiting for me. She gives me a shy smile and comes walking towards me.

"Hi," she says softly as we're close together.

"Hey, how is it all going over here?" I ask.

"Well," she sighs shrugging and looks over her shoulder. "I'm beginning to doubt if mom has all this under control."

"What do you mean?"

"It seems she didn't give up rent, I don't know, its all a bit weird I guess. Shall we go for a walk?"

"Sure," I reply smiling.

"So did your dad get mad at you for coming home so late?"

"Ehhh," I moan laughing. "He wasn't so happy. He wanted to talk to me, my mom's coming back and all."

"Oh that's great." I don't really respond. "Or isn't it?" She continues.

"I'm not sure," I honestly say.

She nods understanding and, surprisingly, takes my hand. "I'm sure she'll be glad to see you."

"I certainly do hope so," I joke cynically.

"One day, you two will get along," Abby goes on. "Maybe she just has a hard time seeing you, knowing that you lost your brother, maybe she feels guilty."

I shrug. "She has a million reasons."

Abby doesn't answer that, just squeezes my hand. We've almost reached the end of the street. "I don't think you should go out of sight," I say.

"No, I probably shouldn't," Abby says as she stops in her steps.

"So…" I start a little unsure of what to do or say right now. I thought about it, but I forgot all of it the minute I saw her.  


* * *

"This is it then," he says.

I nod in response, look at his eyes.

"You know, I was just thinking, yesterday. Just thinking that I feel like I barely know you. But at the same time, I get this sense that..." Thinking he shakes his head. "That I know exactly who you are, where you come from. I'm not sure how to explain-"

"I know what you mean," I interrupt him.

A grin appears on his face. "You do?"

"Yes, I think so," I say with a smile.

He chuckles. "All right then." His eyes sparkle, move around my face as if he desperately tries to remember every single piece of me.

"I'll miss you Abby," he suddenly mumbles.

My eyes grow wide, slightly embarrassed; I'm not sure how to respond. I feel my cheeks getting hot. "I'll miss you too," I manage to get out of my mouth in kind of a gawky way. It's not that I don't mean it, or don't feel the same way; it's just that I don't know how to say such a thing.

John leans in, and presses a kiss on my lips. "You should go back," he whispers.

I shake my head. "They can miss me a little bit longer." I press my lips back on his, close my eyes and slowly open my mouth. We kiss for a while, his hand around my back, pulling me in closer towards him. I don't want this to go away, I think. I don't want to leave without him. Our kiss ends, I pull back.

"Look, John... I wish I didn't have to leave."

He gives me a half smile. "I know that."

I shrug, nodding. I turn to see what's happening around the house. Eric is sitting under the living room window, not looking too pleased. Mom's still busy talking to the removal contractors, who seem to be closing the trucks doors.  


* * *

"You should go," I say with a more hoarse voice than I expected, following her gaze. Her brown eyes turn back to me, she looks confused.

"Yeah..." she just says. "You should come say goodbye to Eric."

"Yeah sure," I reply. Together we walk back to her house.

"I kind of told him you came back today especially for him," she explains with a shy chuckle.

I laugh. "Totally."

"Look who's here," Abby says to Eric as we come closer.

Eric smiles at me and gets up. "Hey John."

"Hey Eric. All set to leave?"

"Yes, we packed everything," he says tough, as if he himself carried the furniture as well.

Abby smiles at him. "Be right back," she tells me and walks back in the house.

"So are you excited to move?" I ask him.

He shrugs his shoulder. "Maybe."

"You'll be all right," I assure him and rub over his head.

"Will you miss Abby?"

Wow. "Yes. Yes, I will. And you too."

"Really?" A big smile appears on his face.

"Of course, you're cool."

He laughs at that but then his face turns back serious. "When will you come visit us?"

"I... don't know Eric. Some day soon I hope."

He nods satisfied. "Abby would like that."

"Yes, I think she would." Speaking of which, where is she anyway?  


* * *

I went back upstairs and sat down in the small corridor. All the doors are closed, there's no sign of life around anymore. Nothing good happened here, or well, barely anything. Mostly drama. Mom shouting, mom drinking, mom cutting, mom locking herself up. Eric crying and hiding... Me crying. Me... drinking. I sigh deeply and tilt my head back, lean against the wall. It's good we're leaving this place. Or at least, it's not like I'm leaving any kind of safe haven.

But where are we going? Where is she taking us this time? It's been awhile since we've been on the road, and I'm old enough to know when things are going wrong I think but still. It freaks me out.

I hear footsteps. John's footsteps, I realize as I see his face.

"Hiding?" He asks with a smirk and sits down next to me.

I turn my head, give him a half smile.

"You're freaking out aren't you?"

I bite my lip. "Not really," I lie. "Sure I'm worried, but we'll be fine." Great liar Abby, still.

"Abby, you're scared, I understand, that's okay, just admit it."

"I'd rather tell you and Eric the same story. That we'll be fine."

"I'm not ten years old, I understand."

"I know," I sigh. "Sorry. She's taken us on a road trip a few times, it always ended ugly."

"Maybe it's different now," he suggests.

I shake my head. "I feel it. I feel this is going wrong."

He takes my hand in his. "I wish I could help you with this."

I nod. "I know. Thanks for being here, I appreciate it, really."

He just smiles in response.

I sigh deeply. "And maybe, _maybe _everything _will _turn out magically fine as Maggie keeps telling me. You just never know with her."

"ABBY! We're leaving!" Mom shouts.

"Speak of the devil," I smirk.

"Come on," John says and gets up. He pulls me up as well, together we walk downstairs.

One last time I look at the house we're leaving behind, and I hope, God I hope that things will be better in Minnesota.

Mom's already in the car, Eric's in the backseat.

"Go," John whispers.  


* * *

I look in her eyes, and I see the tears welling up. "Don't cry," I tell her and wraps my arms tightly around her. "Call me when you have arrived, or when something goes wrong. Just, call. Anytime."

She nods, blinking away the tears. "I won't forget about you Abby," I continue.

She chuckles. "Well, if I thought you would, I wouldn't leave." She smiles but a tear streams down her face. "Sorry," she apologizes and violently rubs her cheek dry.

I smile at her, look at her. I wonder what would happen between us if she stayed, but I don't know. And maybe, I don't need to know. But I do know that she is a remarkable person, a beautiful girl who has to put up with way too much misery. And I just wish that someday she'll have it better and see that it's not too bad to open yourself up every once in a while.  


* * *

"What are you thinking about?" I ask him.

"Nothing," he replies.

"Don't lie," I smile.

"I thought about, you and me. About what would have happened if you'd stay." His voice cracks.

I grin and caress his cheek with my hand. "It would have been great," I whisper.

He nods, cups my face in his hand and kisses me once more. As we let go I let out a shivery breath.

"Goodbye I guess..." I mumble softly.

"Goodbye..."

I look at him once more, one more smile and then I turn around, walk towards the car.

"Abby?" I hear him say as I'm about to open the door. I look back at him.

"You're much stronger than you think."

I smile at that and meet his eyes. "So are you," I say gratefully.

He nods slowly. I open the door and sit down next to Eric.

"Say goodbye to John," I tell him and open up the window.

"Bye John!" He shouts.

Mom switches on the engine, I'm thankful she waited for us to say goodbye.

"Bye Eric," I hear John say. He lifts up his hand, waves at us.

I wave back and keep looking at him as we drive away. I hope everything will turn all right with him and his mom, he deserves it. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose your brother, I think as I look at Eric. Once more I turn back, John's getting further away from me, but I see that he smiles and that he waves. I see his eyes looking at me lovingly, even though they're out of sight.

I miss you, I think. I'll miss you getting through to me, even when I don't want you to. I miss you knowing exactly what I think, even when I don't want you to know. And I miss you looking at me shyly, afraid that I'd disappoint you once more. I never did that on purpose, I hope you know. And I'm glad, I'm glad that I kissed you, it felt so good.

As we turn the corner, John is out of sight. I sit back in my seat and see that Eric's looking at me. "It's not fair, is it?" He asks me.

"No," I reply, shaking my head. "No Eric, no it's not…"  


* * *

**Thanks you for reading!**

_(Preview for next chapter: Let's just say this: Time goes on.)_

**Omg, please review. I got three for the last chapter, I feel so sad! Give my **_**any **_**feedback, ****GREATLY appreciated, really!**


	14. Still

_**A/N: **__Chapter 15 will be the very last chapter written for the story, it's been a nice ride. I hope you'll enjoy this, it's completely different from the previous storyline. Why? Years have gone by and although perhaps still troubled, they're not so young anymore. Two adults meet again.**  
A/N 2:**__ My thoughts go out to Maura, I wish her all the best and hope she'll have successful treatment.**  
Disclaimer:**__ Officially the characters are NBC's. But what the heck, this is my younger version and they never made that up now did they. No, sorry NBC. Your characters your show. Not mine, not mine.  
__**Warning:**__ I'm __not a native English speaker__, sorry if I made any mistakes**  
Reviews:**__ What do you think of this 'epilogue'?**  
This chapter:**__ You lose each other, but if you'll just keep going, you'll find each other once again.

* * *

_

**The Young Troubled**

Chapter 14 – Still

-------

**------ County General, OB – 16:00**

How bad can a day get, I wonder as I flush the toilet and walk out of the stall to wash my hands. This mornings meeting with the lawyer was just plain awful. My lawyer kept pushing me to accept at least some of the furniture, Richard kept bragging about med school and when we were done he came up to me outside, saying I wasn't going to make it through med school by myself. I didn't answer that one. I wonder if he actually has that opinion or that it's his way of humiliating me since I stepped on his pride when I filed for divorce.

I'm about to redo my hair as the door of the ladies room flies open. It's Sandra. "Abby can you please get to the ER right away? Coburn is doing a C-section, they're delivering twins downstairs."

I give up on my hair and walk out to the hallway with her. "Yeah, well can't McLucas take it? I barely know those people."

"She went home five minutes ago," Sandra says. "Sorry, I just got paged to assist on Coburn."

"God. Ok. Well, yeah, just check my mother in 2, I said I'd show her how to breast feed."

"Sure no problem."

"Right." As I wait for the elevator I lean with my back against the wall and close my eyes. They hate it when it's an OB nurse instead of the gynecologist coming to check. The elevator comes up way too quickly. Within seconds I'm on the ground floor and the tumult of the ER waves over me.

"You here to help out with the twins?" A Mexican looking nurse carrying a sonosite asks me.

"Yes, could you take me there?"

"Yep, walk with me." I follow her into the trauma room.

"You needed someone from OB?" I say as I open the doors of the room. "What's going wrong?"

There's a pregnant woman lying on the gurney, delivering. A bold doctor in green scrubs seems to be looking for a heart beat, and another doctor is sitting with his back towards me, helping the woman deliver.

"We're delivering in the ER. That's what's wrong," the assisting doctor says. It's something about the voice that I recognize.

"Yeah I can see that," I reply. "I'm sorry, McLucas just left and Coburn is in the middle of a C-section."

"Well that's just great," he sounds annoyed. I know that voice, I think again.

"I'm sorry, but is there something wrong with the patient?" No I'm getting annoyed. "Because I really need to get back upstairs so can't you just finish it in here?"

"Look, could you go outside for a minute with me…?" The other doctor starts.

"Abby," I finish for him.

At that the guy whose voice I recognized turns around. Two big brown eyes give me a surprised stare. Immediately it hits me. That's why I know that voice.

"…John?" I ask startled.

I completely lost touch with what we were talking about. I just stare at him. I feel the other doctor gently push me outside the trauma room but I just keep staring at him. Our eyes lock for as long as we can. Is my mouth open? He gives me a half smile, shaking his head in disbelief. I can't even form a smile back, I'm just too surprised..

"Hi, I'm doctor Greene," I suddenly hear.

"Oh yeah, hi, Abby…" Wyzencski or Lockhart? "…Lockhart," I decide and immediately I'm snapped back to reality.

"We paged Coburn because we're afraid we're losing twin B. The heart beat is dropping continuously. But since twin A is crowning and she's fully dilated, we don't want to stress her out. But…"

"I'm sorry, no one told me that."

"Well, that's what's going on. The mother doesn't know yet."

"Right…" I think for a moment, stare at the patient, stare at John and then back to Greene.

"You know Dr. Carter?"

"What?" Dr. Carter… "Yeah, well, kind of… Yes." I stumble.

He frowns smiling. "What do you think? Inform the mother?"

I shrug, biting my lip. "I don't know. Well, we can't just not tell her, but if she freaks out, doesn't want to push, that's bad too."

He just nods. "That's what I was thinking."

"Did you get any heart beat?"

"It's there," he nods. "But it's slow."

"We need to save that baby."

"I don't want to do it."

"Do what?"

"A C-section."

"Well I think you'll just have to as long as Coburn's still doing surgery." Isn't this man supposed to be an emergency doctor?

"Look, I'm really not a big fan of doing C-sections down in the ER, especially when it's twins."

"Right," I give in and try to estimate how much time we have left. "How far along is she?"

"Twin A should be out in a few minutes, I think."

"Take her upstairs after that. I'll go back upstairs, propound this to Coburn."

"Great, thank you," and he practically storms back in.

I turn back to the trauma room, John's back working on his patient. This is really him, John Carter. My what, first love? I'm not even sure whatever he was to me. But I am sure that it's him, working here in the ER. So then he did go to med school. Would he be an intern, an R2? He didn't change at all. Not in the face, at least.

I realize I have to make my way back upstairs to discuss the case with Coburn and hurry to the elevator.

* * *

That was Abby. That actually was Abby Wyzencski, at least I think she was. How…

I haven't spoken to her in years, not since the day she moved. An OB nurse? She's working _here,_ at County?

I'm snapped back to reality when the woman begins to scream as she feels another contraction.

"OK, mom, you're doing great, now push," I tell her and hold my hands around the baby's head as she pushes.

Within minutes the baby is born; red, crying, and most importantly, healthy. It's a girl. I put her on mom's chest, cut the cord and look at Mark.

"We're going to take you upstairs," he tells her while glancing at me.

"What about her?" She asks me with tears in her eyes as she's holding her child.

"I'm going to make sure she's all right," I assure her. "Thought of a name already?"

She shakes her head. "I want to wait for the second one."

"Elena," Mark continues. "We're going to take you upstairs to do a C-section ASAP. We barely get a heart beat for the other baby," he continues explaining it to her while he pushes the gurney towards the elevator together with Chuny.

I stay behind with the baby in my arms. I look down at the baby as she cries and wriggles in my arms. When the time is right, I hope to hold my own baby. "We're going to take you to your mommy as soon as possible," I say softly. Haleh walks over to me, ready to take her over. Gently I slide her over in her arms. I watch her as she wraps a warm blanket around the babies body and gently lays her down in the incubator.

"I'll take her up to OB," Haleh tells me.

OB. Abby.

"No, no I'll do it."

She lifts her eyebrows at that. "You sure?"

I take off my gloves. "What makes you think I can't take a baby up to OB," I grin.

"Well whatever you want Carter," she frowns. "Get your ass back here, there's a new trauma coming in."

"Sure, I'll be right there." And I push the incubator towards the elevator.

As soon as I'm in and have pushed the button I feel my heart beginning to race. God I hope she's not too busy. I want to talk to her, _look_ at her. It really was Abby, I'm a hundred percent sure.

The doors fly open and there I am, at the OB floor. I feel stupid, standing in the middle of the hallway with an incubator holding a baby and I'm not even sure where to go.

"Is this the Elana Goldman baby?" I hear a female voice say.

Although I know it's not Abby's, I'm still disappointed as I turn around and see a blonde nurse standing behind me.

"Yes. Yes. Where is she?"

She sighs and takes over the incubator. "Coburn is working on her now, they lost the heart beat on their way up… This one looks great though. Does she have a name?"

I shake my head, absent by the words she said. It's unfair if the other baby had to give her or his life for this little girl here. They're twins, supposed to be together.

"Ok. Well, let me clean her up and get settled."

"Yeah…" I seem to reply, going through my hair with my hands.

"Ok, thank you," and with that she turns around.

"Do you know where I can find Abby Wyzenscki?" I then blurt out.

She looks back at me. "Wyzenscki? You mean Lockhart?"

"Ah… I'm not sure. It's her maiden name." Is she married? For some reason, it disappoints me. What was I thinking anyway? See her, jump back to where we left and go on? No, I wasn't thinking that. So why am I disappointed?

"Doctor?"

"I'm sorry?"

"I said that she's probably in surgery with Coburn, and check room two otherwise. End of the hallway on your left."

I nod slowly. "Thank you," I manage to get over my lips.

She gives me one last smile and disappears.

I decide to sit down on one of the chairs in the hall. There are too many thoughts crossing my mind. Elena, the baby, the other baby, Abby, her name. Married huh. God, somehow I didn't even see that as apossibility. Not that I ever really thought about it, but still. I'm woken up by my pager; the trauma Haleh told me about. I throw one last look at the floor but then stand up. I'll have to go and find her some other time. If she wants me to. Would she?

"John?" I stop in my steps. "John, is that you?" That's her. Just before I'm about to step in the elevator I hear her voice. A little perplex I turn around. She's standing more close to me than I expected, smiling.

"Hey," I laugh shyer than I meant to.

"Hi," she grins. "How are you?"

"I'm… good. You?" I realize I'm staring at her intensively, and so is she. We don't question anything, as if this is perfectly normal.

"Yeah," she responds nodding. "Yeah I'm good."

For a moment I wonder if I should lean in and hug her but I just feel too awkward.

"How eh, how is Elena doing?" I ask.

"Oh, I don't know," she replies. She looks nervous too. "I had to get back to my own patients."

"Right," I nod. My pager goes off again. "I really have to go, I'm sorry."

"Yeah sure," she says, biting her lip. She stays standing there.

"So, when are you off?" I ask.

"Six."

"I'm off at seven…"

"I can wait," she blurts out before I can even finish. It makes me laugh.

"Ok, well, where will we meet?"

She shrugs at that. "Doc Magoos?"

"You go there?" I frown smiling.

"Well yeah sometimes," she laughs back, lifting her arms in surprise.

"So do I," I nod. Again. God, I keep nodding. Nodding and smling. And so is she.

"See you then," I smile. Once more.

"Bye then," and she turns around.

I get back downstairs and as soon as I'm back on the floor I hear a shouting Haleh and Malucci. I hurry towards trauma 2. She looked good, with her hair up like that, lipstick. Not like I had imagined, but good, _great_. Better than I thought. My mind is rambling, I realize. Quickly I glance at my watch. Three hours to go. I can live with that. It's been almost fifteen years and now I have trouble surviving three hours.

Let's go.

**------ County General, OB – 19:00**

Why did I say I could wait? It must have sounded incredibly desperate. Jesus, it really is John Carter. Poshy John Carter with all his money, graciousness and friends. For some reason, that's not the way he looked just a moment ago. Perhaps that was because he was in the middle of a delivery and wasn't paying attention to how he looked, but I think it was, to me, because I never saw him as a working man. Not that I didn't think he's a good person, I just always imagined him as a man in a suit, cutting ribbons living in a mansion. Coming to think of it, where would he live?

Oh God, and I look simply awful in what I'm wearing. Jeans, black t-shirt, grey blouse, nothing fancy. Quickly I walk out of our locker room to the ladies to retouch my make-up and hair. That's better. As I walk back, thinking about if I should go downstairs or wait for him to get back up, the elevator flies open and it's John.

He's wearing a light blue shirt and dark blue tie. Formal, but in a good way. It's a relief somehow.

"Abby," he says smiling.

"Hi," I just say back, not sure what else to say. "Let me just get my coat."

"Sure, I'll wait."

I find my heart beating against my chest. God, I'm really very nervous. As quickly as I can I grab my bag and coat. I catch my reflection in the window - it's all right - and make my way back.

We wait for the elevator, and don't say a word. The silence is awkward, but then again, how can it not be. After such a long time, we just bump into each other at the place we both work.

"How long have you been working here?" John asks me.

"Two years."

"Right," he nods.

"You?"

"Six."

"Six?" I raise my eyebrows at that.

He nods. "Started as a med student. Initially for my surgical residency, but I switched to emergency medicine. You?"

"Oh, just OB." I decide not to start about my two years of med school before that.

"Since when?"

"Two years."

"OK, great."

He doesn't sound like he finds it that great. I feel like I have to defend myself, tell him I went to med school as well, but that would mean I'd have to explain why I quit and that's when Richard comes in and I really don't feel like talking to him about that right now.

In the elevator we're the only ones in there. He leans against one wall, I against the other.

"This is extremely weird…" I grin.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah-eah," I laugh. "You barely changed."

"Right back at ya."

I just raise my eyebrows at that and give him a half smile.

"So, I heared that you're married?" Heared? From who?

"Ha," short laugh. "Nooo…," I say and shake my head.

"Oh." He looks relieved. "It's just that I asked for you, for Abby Wyzenscki, but your colleague only knew a Abby Lockhart."

"That's right," I smirk. I roll my eyes and just hope he won't ask any further. This morning was bad enough.

"So who did you get that name from?"

"What are you, the FBI?" I joke.

"Oh no, I'm sorry," he quickly apologizes. He knows me. He knows that even when I actually am upset, I joke. He still knows. He doesn't ask any further and then we're downstairs.

I definitely hit a sore spot right there. Divorced perhaps? I decide to leave it, and lead us out of the hospital, to Doc Magoos.

It's weird to be with her like this, so all of a sudden. Clearly, the both of us had no idea, and this was really not what I was expecting tonight. I'm not sure what to talk about, or what to ask. It's not that I don't feel at ease with her; I did as soon as our eyes met for the very first time this afternoon. It's just that so much has happened I don't know how to cover all of that and go on. Go on with what, I wonder.

We both sit down on the bar stools. "What can I get you?"

"Oh, just a latte please," she answers with a shy smile.

I order us two lattes and turn a bit on my stool so I can face her. She's wearing a black leather coat over her clothing. Her hair is hanging loosely around her face, just like it did when we were younger. I wonder what she thinks about me, and this whole thing anyway.

"I…" I stumble. "I have no idea where to start."

"No," she grins, "me neither." She bends over to grab her bag and gets a pack of cigarettes out. "Do you mind?" She asks.

"Ha," I laugh shortly. "Old habits die hard." As soon as it's over my lips my mind flashes back to that time when I confronted her about the drinking Eric once told me about. She doesn't seem to have the same flash back and carelessly get's one out of the pack.

"Yeah well," Abby replies raising her eyebrows. She lits her cigarette and inhales deeply. "I still like it."

I look at her. I look at her eyes, her smile, the way she holds her cigarette. I look at Abby, my first love, and I truly wonder what's left of it. I lean with my elbows on the bar and hold my face in my hands and moan.

"What?" She laughs.

"God," I say and lift my head up, shrugging my shoulders. "I guess you better tell me everything."

"Well, that's going to take a lot longer than one evening I'm afraid," she chuckles.

"Is that a bad thing?" I say more flirty than I intended.

"Not particularly," she says back with a daring look on her face. "Just as long as I get to hear your whole… _life story _too."

The waitress puts our coffees down in front of us.

"That's part of the deal."

"All right then," she smirks and sips from her coffee. "Where do you want me to start?"

"Well, what about where you left off?"

"You mean as in the day we left Chicago?"

"That's when I stopped hearing of you, so yes." I sound hurt I notice. And I was, at the time. She never bothered calling me, or writing me and I never found out what her new address was.

She must have heard that little bit of agony in my voice, because her gaze softens immediately. "You know…" she averts her eyes from mine, plays around with the spoon in her cup. "You know I wrote you a letter?"

I don't say anything that, first of all because it's a change of subject I didn't expect, and second of all because it simply completely floors me that she wanted to send me a letter. That she did.

"What did it say?"

"That… I was scared. That I… wished you could come and get me."

It seems like all the noise around us disappears and it's just us, sitting here next to each other. I see sorrow in her eyes, even though she's barely looking me.

I bend a little bit towards her, hoping to catch her look and I do.

"What were you afraid of?"

"Ha," she laughs shortly and swallows. It's that short laugh, the same she did in the elevator when I asked if she was married or not. This sarcastic laugh that shows me it's something she doesn't want to talk about, that hurt her.

"We never got to Minnesota until November."

My mouth falls open at that. "Didn't you leave in the middle of the summer holiday?"

She nods. "Yes…"

"So, what happened?"

I see her think. She shakes her head at her thoughts. "My mom freaked out. As simple as that."

"But she was on her medication, right?"

"Well apparently not."

"When did it go wrong?"

"…That next morning. She didn't want to move on, she just… locked the door of our motel room, forbid us to go outside. I tried to, through the window, but the room was so small that there was no way sneaking out. We sat there for a week, maybe two, I'm not sure. After that we got back in the car."

"Back to where?"

She shrugs. "Everywhere. I thought she was afraid to move on, to actually fulfill the promise you know? Later on I found out she never gave up rent and was afraid our landlord would come and find her. Anyway, she kept travelling with us. It was… terrible."

"What has she done to you?" I ask.

"What has she done to us…" she repeats thinking. "I don't know. She scared Eric, for a change."

I nod understanding and drink from my coffee.

"We got there, in the end. I contacted that woman who'd help us from a phone booth, she came to get us together with someone from the clinic."

"How's your mother doing now?"

"Honestly… I don't know."

I just nod to that, not sure how to response.

"Eric's in touch with her though," she suddenly says in some sort of defense.

"How is he?"

"He's good," she smiles. A bright smile, showing happiness, pride and most of all love. "He's in de US Airforce now, it's really, really nice. For him."

"That is really good to hear," I reply smiling. "So you raised him well," I add.

She just smiles at that and drinks for her coffee. "But," she continues as she puts her cup back down. "You never answered my letter."

"I thought you…" she goes on without trying to look at me. "I don't know, lost interest or something, but well, whatever" she acts carelessly and pulls her hair behind her ear.

I look at her.

"I never lost interest."

She looks back up to me, with her big brown eyes, not sure what to think I guess, or how to react. And neither do I, I'm not exactly sure why I said it like that, with that 'never'. I didn't intend it to sound like that, like that… desperate.

"I thought a lot about you," she admits after that. "About how you were. Especially back then." Her eyes trail off to the menu card standing on the bar. "God I'm starving. Have you had dinner yet?"

I shake my head no.

"Want to eat something here together?" I think I see her blushing.

"Sure, I'd like that," I reply and grab the menu on my side.

* * *

After we both ordered a simple dish with fries and some salad, we sit down on the red sofas near the window. I look at him, his young face and the eyes that still have something youthful inside of them.

"What?" He grins after he apparently noticed me staring.

"Just looking at your face…"

"Did it change?"

"Barely…" I say, still observing his looks. "So… let's talk about you. Are your parents still together?" I ask carefully.

"So far so good," he nods frowning.

"And between you and them?"

"Ahh…" he groans. "Not really all that great."

I give him a questioning look. "Is your mother still coping?"

He shrugs. "We don't… talk. We don't communicate."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Yeah well, I can cope on my own."

"Must be difficult though?" I continue.

"It's all right," he cuts me off and smiles shortly.

Just then the waitress serves us our dinner. We start eating, and I'm not sure what to say next since he cut me off like that. So I quietly eat some of my fries, anxiously waiting for him to continue. God it's weird to be sitting in front of John Carter tonight.

"You've got to tell me this though," John suddenly breaks the silence.

"What?" I ask, still chewing on a frie.

"OB?" He asks again and sips from his water.

I smirk and figure I might as well tell him the truth. "I went to med school."

"So you _did _listen to me," he jokes.

"Well what was I supposed to do otherwise after you made me promise?" I joke back laughing, my mind flying back to that very last evening together.

"So you've remembered?" He seems surprised. Of course I did. I remembered pretty much everything from that evening. What he wore, what he said, how he smelled, how he kissed that night, all of it. I thought about getting back in touch with him, too. I just didn't know how and was too afraid to see him, I don't know, in a life where he didn't… need me.

"Of course I remember," I say.

"We've had a great time together, back then," he reminisces. He says it without any shame, or shyness. He just says it and he's right.

"Yes," I nod. "Yeah we had."

We've both finished our plates and I wonder what's going to happen now. Just go home? Have another drink? Never talk to each other again? He must be thinking the same thing because he's staring at his plate with a strange frown on his face.

"We have a lot to talk about huh," I say grinning, relieved he didn't bring the med school issue back to the table.

He nods. "I just can't get a grip on the fact we've been working in the same hospital for such a long time."

"I can't believe you never escaped from the ER to look at some healthy squirming babies down at the nursery."

"Yeah, I should have. I will from now on though."

"Good," I chuckle.

The waitress comes back to pick up our plates. "Would you like anything else?"

John gives me a questioning look. "You?" He asks with raised eyebrows.

I open my mouth but don't quite know what to say. Why is he leaving it up to me? And what is he leaving up to me anyway?

"I…" I stumble. "I don't really…Sorry," I apologize to the waitress for being so incredibly unclear.

"I'm fine too, could you bring me the bill?" As soon as he starts about the bill I suddenly realize about all the money this man has.

She nods and leaves the table.

"Is all that money of yours still in the family?" I ask.

"Yep." He just replies, with a look that tells me he'd been waiting for that question.

"Ahh… Must be nice." I smile a bit and pick up my bag to get my wallet.

He shrugs. "Don't expect my house to be… you know, anything like I grew up in." Does he expect me to visit then?

"What, is it just a villa with eight bedrooms and a heated pool?" I joke.

He grins at that. "Nope. It's a two bedroom apartment."

"What? _Why?_" I ask surprised.

He shrugs. "It works better for me." He gives me quite a difficult look, perhaps afraid I might misunderstand him. And I think I do, but I decide to leave it.

"Yeah I think I know what you mean," so I lie.

"Liar," he laughs.

"OK," I admit. "OK I don't understand."

He just shakes his head grinning. "Well you don't have to."

The waitress puts the bill down on the table. "We'll split it," I say as soon as she turns around.

"Nope. I'm buying you dinner."

"No, we're going to split it."

"Why?"

"Because… that's just how it works."

"Whatever, I'm paying," he grins. "You buy me a cup of coffee or something after we've walked along the river." Excuse me?

"Are we going to walk along the river then?" I ask.

"Yes. Or do you have anything better to do tonight?"

"Maybe…" I tease, buying time to think about his blunt offer.

"You better tell me right now because I would really like to be rejected now tham halfway down the river."

"Ahh, all right. Well, no, I've nothing better to do."

"Good," he grins and gets up to pay the bill.

I get up too and grab my coat. Quickly I catch my reflection in the mirror and brush my hair out of my face. God, I'm paying attention to how I look today.

* * *

I'm happy she went with me. We're strolling down the river, silently. We talked a little, checked if we knew each other's colleagues and it came down to Coburn, McLucas and Babcock. It's crazy to realize they all know me, they all know Abby and I didn't know about her. But luckily, now I do. Once again.

I watch her face. She looks sad, a bit distracted, like her mind is somewhere else and she forgot she's with me here. "You okay?" I decide ask.

"Yes." She looks up to me. "Sorry, just thinking."

"Thinking what?" I ask and walk over to the banisters that prevent anyone from falling down in the cold water. I lean with my hands on the cold metal and watch the water calmly flow.

"It's nothing really," she tells me and comes leaning beside me.

"Abby…"

She grins. "You're still doing it."

"Doing what?"

"Keep asking, knowing something's wrong, not taking anything for granted…"

"So what's wrong then?" I ask and turn my face so I can see her.

I can see that's she thinking. That she's considering to let me in or not. I don't do it on purpose, getting through to her, I never did. It's crazy that after so many years, it practically feels the same. Although now that incredible urge to kiss her has faded. Not that I'm not attracted to her, it's just not the time, not the moment and just not…

Well, it's just not. And she might as well be seeing someone.

"I divorced my husband four weeks ago."

"Your husband?" I ask perplexed.

"Richard Lockhart." Is everything I get in response. It explains the last name. Can't blame her for keeping it.

"I'm sorry."

"Oh, don't be."

"I am," I state. "Now what?"

"Now what…" she repeats, thinking. "Lawyers."

I turn my gaze back to the river. "What about them?"

"Alimony, furniture… About dividing and what belongs to who. It creepes me out. I didn't like it at all."

She didn't ask for anything, it hits me. Of course, that's her.

"Abby…" I lift my hands from the cold banisters and turn to her.

She looks up to me.

"Don't tell me you said no to any kind of support."

She doesn't immediately respond to that. "I don't need it."

"You _deserve_ it though."

Her lips are tight. "Well," she starts. "Maybe I'm just like you. Maybe I prefer to keep it all together financially myself."

That's a whole different ballgame, I think. I sigh and lean back on the banisters.

I can't believe I'm actually standing next to Abby Wyzenscki. She snook up on me, took me by surprise. It's what she did back then and still does. She almost seems to make me lose control.

My heart is starting to race, I notice. It's just started beating faster at the thought of what we had. And even though it was nothing serious, and we were young, it still left an impression.

I notice she's staring at me. Not as she did before, it's different. No longer defending, it's a soft look she's giving me. A vulnerable one, the one I so desperately tried to let her show me all those years ago.

"John Truman Carter…" She says with an amazed tone in her face.

I smile at that and turn my face so I can see her. "Weird isn't it?" I ask.

She nods. "Do you think this is faith?"

That's a question I didn't expect, especially not from a down-to-earth person like her.

"You mean like it's meant to be?"

"Well I don't know about that," she chuckles cynically. "No just that… Do you think this would have happened anyway?"

"I don't know," I grin. "If Coburn hadn't been in surgery, you wouldn't have come downstairs, I wouldn't know you work here and we wouldn't have met…" I analyze.

"See," is her reply.

I laugh and let go of the banisters. I take a step closer towards her. "Well whether it's faith or it's not faith, I'm just glad you came down."

She just smiles at that and shrugs her shoulders. A little shivery she relaxes again. She seems cold. "It's freezing out here," she says.

"I know," I respond and watch her as she zips her coat up to her chin. It makes her look vulnerable, smaller than she already does. It makes me want to walk over to her, take her in my arms and keep her warm. She makes me want to care for her.

But I don't. I don't embrace her. I just tilt my head a little and look at her.

"There's such a big part of our lives we don't know about each other," I say.

"I know, you know nothing," she jokes.

I laugh. "Well I did know you when you were a teenager. That's not something you can say about Richard right?" That joke was out before I realized and it's stupid.

"So now you're already comparing yourself to my ex-husband?" She chuckles with raised eyebrows.

"Do I count?"

"Count as what?"

"As an ex? For you?"

"Hm.." she thinks. "Probably. I guess so."

"Because technically, we never really ended it did we?"

"What are you trying to make clear here," she nervously grins.

I'm not even sure myself. "Dunno," I shrug. "Just that…

"Let's get moving again," I suggest and again we walk along the river.

She shrugs shyly and lets her hands slip off the banisters. "It's getting cold…" she says.

"Yes," I agree and look at my watch. Nine thirty. "Would you like to see my apartment?" I blurt out before realizing what I'm actually proposing.

She grins and burries her hands in the pockets of her coat. "Now?"

"No…" I see something in her eyes that tells me she might actually would like to. "Yes. If you want."

She just gives me a long look, frowning. "John…"

Maybe I saw it wrong. "No?" I ask and raise my eyebrows.

She opens her mouth but doesn't speak. "Well," she smiles and averts my gaze.

"I'm sorry. I just… we have so much to talk about, and it's getting cold so… We could do it another time though."

She nods. "Look, I've got a shift at seven. I'd love to see you again, see your place, just not tonight."

I'm disappointed but I understand. "You're right," I just reply and stare at the river's water.

We're silent for a moment, looking at each other while the wind blows in our faces. We're just a few steps apart from each other, not close enough to touch. Not that I wanted to. I just look at her, at her hair that waves around her face, at that little smile she's giving me and that thing in her eyes I've never been able to place.

* * *

We're back to strolling along the river, this time heading towards the El. He didn't speak much. I think I might have disappointed him, with not wanting to come back to his place. Somehow that made it sound like a date, even though I know he didn't mean it to sound like that. I hope. Anyway, I know it's not even ten yet but I do have to get up early and I'm still processing this whole meeting John Carter after years thing. I look up to him, to that face that didn't change at all.

"Are you looking at me again?" He grins as he catches my stare.

I just grin and burry my hands deeper in the pockets of my coat. Walking with him next to me like this remind me of the time we went to find my mom and Eric. God, I was scared. And I broke down, in front of him. Not something I'm very fond of. It just happened. It's what he does, what he is perhaps, he makes me… open up. And he made me feel safe. The way he'd walk next to me, wrap an arm around my back or just hold me tight, I know it only happened a few times, but I remembered them well. I'd almost long for his touch right now, but that would just be very inappropriate. And it's not what I'd _really _like of course, just a thought.

"Are you seeing anyone?" I ask, not sure how I mean that.

"Nope," he says shaking his head.

I nod at that. It's not how I imagined him.

"Wrong answer?" He jokes at me.

"No," I chuckle. "It's just that… I imagined you differently."

"So how did you imagine?"

I shrug. "You, holding together your parents, running the family fund, wife, children, a _dog."_

"A dog?" He laughs.

"Well yeah," I grin. "Just not the type to work down in the ER making endless hours and living in a two bedroom flat."

"It's the way it is," he says and smiles at me. "I hold back from all the traditional expectations," I suppose.

"Sure did."

"Well it's not a bad thing is it?"

I shake my head. "It's not what you want?"

"Don't know. Maybe. Not right now. Not the right person, not the right time and definitely, definitely not the right family."

I nod.

We've reached the stairs to the platform and walk up together. Just then the El thundersin, we step in together.

"We must have been in the same El a few times."

"I know," I say. "That's crazy isn't it."

He nods. The El is busy and more and more people step in. The doors close and we're still standing, me with my back to him, pushed back by everyone.

The El starts to go again and I lose my balance for just a second. I regain it immediately but I feel John lay his hands on my shoulder, making sure I won't fall over. At that feeling, him touching me for the first time today, and for the first time in years, I relax.

I relax completely and honestly I just want to turn around and let him embrace me. Just for the sake of it, for the remembrance. We didn't even hug when we met, which made sense since it was pretty awkward but still… Apparently he's thinking the same thing about the touching because his hands are still resting on my shoulders. It's too crowded to actually try and start a conversation, and I don't care. I just enjoy the feel of him as long as it lasts.

After a few stops a bunch of people left and we get a little bit more space. His hands slid off my shoulders quite quickly after that moment, but still it was long enough to feel the connection. If he felt it as well. As there's room to turn around, I do and look him in the eyes. He smiles at me.

"Next stop is mine," I say in an apologizing tone. I'd love to go with him, talk more, watch him more, but I have to get to work on time tomorrow and with Richard and all I'm not very much focused on work anyways so a good night sleep is welcome.

"Shame you're not coming," he chuckles.

And just for a second I'm in doubt again. I want to, somewhere. I want to go with him, talk to him, listen to him, be with him… It's just not a good time right now. It wouldn't make it right. It should be.

"Next time I promise," I smile.

He nods satisfied.

The El starts moving again. I grab one of the poles for support. In just five minutes we'll be at my stop and I'll have to get out.

"Why did you drop out of med school?" John asks.

I'm taken aback by that question. I thought he'd leave it, for another time at least. I understand though, I would have asked the same thing.

"Because… We, meaning Richard and I, couldn't afford the both of us going through med school, so… we decided… he'd finish first."

He just nods to that. "Did he finish?"

"Pretty much, yes."

"And what about you?"

I shrug. I don't feel like telling him I can't afford it.

"I just changed my mind I guess." That sound so not believable.

He cocks his brow at that, no further reaction. Immediately I feel awful for lying to him.

"So you don't want to be a doctor anymore?"

"Not at the moment, no."

He nods again. He's thinking, I can see that. Thinking how to get through to me. "You should have gone first," he smirks.

"Yeah well, too late for that."

"Hmhm."

* * *

I look at her. I know. I know it's a money thing. An alimony thing. I know she's not willing to let him pay, and I know that she's lying to me.

We've reached the next stop.

"I'm going to have to get out," she says.

I nod and step with her to the doors. She bites her lip, pulls her hair behind her ears. I wonder what to do. Hug her? Kiss her on the cheek?

Then she just places her hand on my arm. She smiles. "I'm glad we met again."

I nod in agreement and place my hand on her shoulder. "Me too."

She smiles and gets out of the El.

"Don't say no to all of it Abby," I say when she's already on the platform.

"What?" She asks confused.

"With Richard. Get that alimony. Get back to med school." I say and give her an encouraging smile.

She smiles back, and the doors close. There she goes again.

* * *

**Thanks you for reading!**

_(Preview for next chapter: So now we know when they met again, but we already know when they lost touch. In my line of thought, they met once again after that. How could they not?)_

**Pretty please, leave me a review. Just a quick one, just saying if you liked it or not. Or a longer one. The longer the better, the more the better... I'm anxiously checking my mailbox if anyone did, so please, DO!! :)  
**


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